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Pronunciation lesson - Eng. vs Katakana

2008-02-13T21:13:00.002+09:00

Helping Japanese Students Overcome Common Pronunciation Problems Caused by Katakana English

Michael Kistler and Joseph Sandkamp
md_kistler [at] hotmail.com & joesandkamp {at} gmail.com
Asia University (Tokyo, Japan)

Introduction/Rationale
The following five-step lesson is intended for Japanese students studying English as a foreign language (EFL). The activity is an attempt to raise students' consciousness regarding Katakana English being used in their English classes and how it differs from the Standard English that they are learning; it is also intended to improve students pronunciation of English, particularly the recognition and production of syllables and sounds that are distinctive from English to Japanese.

Katakana English refers to spoken English -- which may or may not include loanwords -- that applies the phonological sounds of Katakana, which is the phonetic system in the Japanese language that is generally used for writing words borrowed from other languages. Although the lexicon of borrowed words in Japanese draws from a number of languages, English accounts for the majority of them. Since each kana represents a specific sound or combination of sounds, the pronunciation of each sound often differs from that of the original English word.

Procedure
Step 1: Word Comparison
Students read the word written in Katakana and write the corresponding word in English, following the example in the first line. Upon completion, the teacher may check the students' answers as a whole group.

コーヒー
coffee

レモン

サラダ

ストロベリー

ホテル

ハンバーガー

テニス

ラブレター

アイスクリム

マクドナルド

トンネル

アース

マウス

フリー

トラック

Step 2: Problem Identification
The teacher introduces three common reasons for pronunciation difficulties using examples that are easy for students to understand. Note that these three examples correspond to numbers two, three and four from the list in step 1.

The teacher explains to students the idea of how certain sounds differ from English to Japanese as well as the absence of certain sounds from one language to the other.

Example A
English to Japanese
Difference
Reason for difference

lemon-remon
l sound changes to r sound
l sound doesn't exist in Japanese

Example B
English to Japanese
Difference
Reason for difference

salad-sarada

(sa/lad -- sa/ra/da)
additional syllable
Japanese adds a vowel at the end of words

Example C
English to Japanese
Difference
Reason for difference

strawberry-sutoroberi
additional vowels
Japanese doesn't have two consonants together

Step 3: Pair Pronunciation Practice
Students practice word pairs from step one that highlight clearly the differences in pronunciation from Standard English to Katakana English. Students do pair pronunciation practice in which one student reads a word from column A and his or her partner reads the corresponding word from column B; afterward, the students switch roles.

A B

lemon
remon

salad
sarada

strawberry
sutoroberi

hotel
hoteru

hamburger
hambaagaa

tennis
tenisu

love letter
rabu retaa

ice cream
aisu kuriimu

macDonald's
makudonarudo

tunnel
tonneru

earth
a-su

mouth
mausu

free
furii

truck
torakku

Step 4: Syllable Identification
Working in pairs, have students count the number of syllables in each word, comparing the differences in word length from English to Japanese.

English syllables Japanese syllables

coffee 2
ko-hi 2

lemon
remon

salad
sarada

strawberry
sutoroberi

hotel
hoteru

hamburger
hambaagaa

tennis
tenisu

love letter
rabu retaa

ice cream
aisu kuriimu

McDonald's
makudonarudo

tunnel
tonneru

earth
a-su

mouth
mausu

free
furii

truck
torakku

Step 5: Sentence Dictation
Students do sentence dictation in order to compare larger chunks of speech as opposed to the single words in the previous steps.

Student A reads each of the following sentences first in Katakana and then in English. Student B listens and writes the sentences that he or she hears.

Student A (Reads):

1. アイ　ウェント　トゥ　マクドナルド　アンド　ハド　ア　ハンバンガー　アンド　ストロベリー　シェイク。

2. マイ　ガールフレンド　ハド　サラダ　アンド　アイスクリーム　フォア　デザート。

3. I went to MacDonald's and had a hamburger and a strawberry shake.

4. My girlfriend had salad and ice cream for dessert.

Student B (Listens and writes):

1.

2.

3.

4.

Conclusion
Given the fact that the majority of EFL students in Japan will continue to use Katakana as a frame of reference for pronunciation, it is important for English language professionals in Japan to acknowledge this unique aspect and seriously consider incorporating this type of awareness-building activity into their curriculum. It is especially valuable given that most students have had either limited or no exposure to this topic and are largely unaware of the particulars of their own pronunciation. Additionally, native instructors are in a position to offer insight into certain nuances of pronunciation that wouldn't likely be otherwise addressed.

Having used this activity in Freshman English classes at Asia University, the results were positive across several groups of students. Overall, the students were receptive to the lesson concept and participated enthusiastically throughout. It was evident that the majority of students had never closely considered this aspect of pronunciation, least of all in relation to their first language. As they had never had the opportunity to try this type of activity, most of the students were surprised at the profound differences between Standard English and Katakana English and came away from the activity with a better appreciation for potential communication difficulties. The activity can easily be modified to suit individual instructor or student needs and can also be tailored to fit a variety of English language curriculums. Not only do the students have an opportunity to practice and improve their pronunciation, but they also gain insight into their native language as well as the language they are studying.

dharma greg episodes

2007-12-29T19:13:00.000+09:00

Episode list and summaries
(original source - http://www.tv.com/dharma-and-greg/show/182/episode.html?tag=tabs;episodes

1. Pilot
Community Score9.4
Superb 2
reviews
First aired: 9/24/1997 Production Code: AE79
Free-spirited Dharma and straitlaced Greg break the news to their respective parents, none of whom are especially thrilled with the match.

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Chuck Lorre
Director: James Burrows
Guest star: Elaine Kagan (Woman on Train), Scott Haven (Karl), John Mariano (Man), Megan Butala (Young Dharma), Matthew Weiss (Young Greg)

2. And the In-Laws Meet
Community Score9.3
Superb
First aired: 10/1/1997 Production Code: AE01
When Dharma and Greg throw a party to celebrate their union, a disapproving Kitty boycotts the event, and Dharma sets out to befriend her mother-in-law. But when the Montgomery's and the Finkelstein's finally get together to plan the details, the hostilities really begin.

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Chuck Lorre
Director: Will Mackenzie
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia)

3. Shower the People You Love With Love
Community Score9.0
Superb
First aired: 10/8/1997 Production Code: AE02
Dharma tries to sprinkle a little TLC in Greg's life by installing a new, deluxe "Spring Mist 3000" shower, while Greg finds himself on a testosterone-ridden golfing afternoon with Edward and Larry. Meanwhile, Kitty, misunderstanding the word "shower," readies for a social event with hors d'oeuvres and formal invitations.

Writer: Bill Prady
Director: Will Mackenzie
Guest star: Jon Cryer (Brian), Joe Hulser (Pilot)

4. And Then There's the Wedding
Community Score9.1
Superb
First aired: 10/15/1997 Production Code: AE03
There's love amid the ruins when Dharma and Greg hold a "do-over" wedding to appease their families, particularly the hostile Kitty, who turns the young couple's plans for a simple party into a big country-club affair, including a formal renewal of the wedding vows. Meanwhile, Pete and Jane have a surprising encounter of their own in the cloakroom.

Writer: Regina Stewart
Director: Will Mackenzie
Guest star: Nick Toth (Society Dave) , John Byner (Reverend James), Skye McKenzie (Photographer)

5. The Ex-Files
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 10/22/1997 Production Code: AE04
When Greg's former co-worker and ex-girlfriend Barbara is transferred back to his firm from Washington, Dharma seeks to assuage her own natural jealousy by finding a new Mr. Right for Barbara—a quest which takes on a desperate edge when Barbara confesses she is still in love with Greg.

Writer: Eric Zicklin
Director: Tom Moore
Guest star: Nick Toth (Society Dave) , Lucille Soong (Mrs. Kwan), Eliza Coyle (Barbara), Valente Rodriguez (Roman), Thomas Hildreth (Scott), David Lee Smith (Sid), Walter Borchert (Dave), Arsenio "Sonny" Trinidad (Mr. Kwan)

6. Yoga and Boo Boo
Community Score9.0
Superb
First aired: 10/29/1997 Production Code: AE07
When Greg's competitive nature becomes destructive, Dharma exposes him to yoga, hoping to lower his stress level. After two classes, however, they both realize Greg's life is out of control when he gets into a macho "I can do this" contest with Pete and pulls a groin muscle. Meanwhile, Larry goes to Edward with a scheme to mass-market videos of Dharma's yoga instruction.

Writer: Regina Stewart, Eric Zicklin
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , Virginia Morris (Luddy), Jack Shearer (Voice of Man)

7. Indian Summer
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 11/5/1997 Production Code: AE06
While sunning on the roof, Dharma & Jane meet an elderly Native American who wants to die on the premises, claiming that it was his ancestors' sacred burial ground. Naturally Dharma invites him to stay with her, and naturally Greg is deeply suspicious of his motives and tails them—even to the extent of getting Pete to impersonate him at a dinner with Attorney General Janet Reno.

Writer: Don Foster, Charles Harper Yates
Director: Philip Charles MacKenzie
Guest star: Floyd 'Red Crow' Westerman (George Littlefox), Bill Brochtrup (Steve), Den Pugsley (Sergeant)

8. Mr. Montgomery Goes to Washington
Community Score9.0
Superb
First aired: 11/12/1997 Production Code: AE05
After Greg wins a major court case, he is urged to run for Congress. It's an idea that moves Dharma to consult Greg's mother for grooming advice, as a potential political wife. After worrying about Dharma fitting in with the political crowd, Greg embarrasses himself during his first public appearance by emerging from the washroom with his fly undone. But when Dharma tries to boost his confidence with a little back-seat lovin', it becomes front-page news. Greg is thrown into a black depression until he realizes that his popularity has soared; then his opponent makes a decisive sexual confession of his own.

Writer: Bill Prady, Regina Stewart, Chuck Lorre
Director: Philip Charles MacKenzie
Guest star: Maree Cheatham (Senator), James Eckhouse (Andy), Kevin Cooney (Earl Washburn), Dawn Comer (Reporter), Bill Maher (Himself)

9. He Ain't Heavy, He's My Father
Community Score9.1
Superb 1
review
First aired: 11/19/1997 Production Code: AE09
When Greg needs an upgraded security clearance to work on a top-secret case, Dharma and the families are subjected to a background check, which reveals some very interesting information about Larry and Edward. Dharma discovers to her horror that her proud anti-establishment rebel father in not in fact wanted by the FBI as he's always bragged, and embroils Greg and Pete in a scheme to plant a phony file for Larry to steal. Meanwhile, Greg is shaken to discover that Edward never in fact divorced his first wife; and Kitty's reaction to the news is not what anyone would expect.

Writer: Bill Prady, Sid Youngers
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Raphael Sbarge (Agent Carson), Joel McKinnon Miller (Keeper), Jesse D. Goins (Cop)

10. The First Thanksgiving
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 11/26/1997 Production Code: AE08
After Dharma, Larry and Abby give a farm-full of turkeys their freedom, Dharma volunteers to make Thanksgiving dinner for the whole family in Kitty's spacious kitchen, with Jane's help (while Kitty plays it safe with a restaurant reservation). But Greg is not offering up thanks when he's the last to know that Dharma might have more than just a bird in the oven.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Dottie Dartland
Director: Gail Mancuso

11. Instant Dharma
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 12/10/1997 Production Code: AE10
Dharma's parents arrive for their weekly yoga class only to find Dharma in tears because all her other students have deserted her for the popular self-defense class across the hall. Greg's efforts to cheer her up only get them evicted from Kitty's operatic fund raising evening. Clearing out her locker, Dharma curiously wanders into the self-defense class that turns out to be run by a wacky woman named Spyder, who is promoting herself with alarmist flyers about a massive increase in crime in the neighborhood. When Dharma protests that this is a lie, Spyder intimidates her physically, then invades a depressed Dharma's nightmare about breaking her non-violent principles and retaliating. When Dharma does attempt to remonstrate with Spyder, both she and Greg get their butts kicked.

Writer: Sid Youngers
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Drew Carey (Dharma's Fantasy Man), Laurie Metcalf (Spyder), Alison England (Odetta), Bridgett Riley (Stunt Spyder), Erik Stabeanu (Stunt Student), Dana Hee (Stunt Dharma)

12. Haus Arrest
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 12/17/1997 Production Code: AE11
Dharma's free spirit and maternal instincts are challenged when Greg's rebellious teenage niece Jennifer visits for the holidays and soon abuses her newfound friendship with her aunt. When Dharma discovers that Jennifer has invited a boyfriend over unannounced, she lowers the disciplinary boom — and Jennifer runs away. As punishment, Dharma and Jane take her along on a wacky shopping trip pretending to be monolingual German tourists, they are upset to discover that she has used them as a cover for actual shoplifting.

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Regina Stewart
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Phil Hawn (Hippie Wiseman Caroler [uncredited]), Lindsay Sloane (Jennifer), Christine Estabreck (Lindsay), Travis Wester (Frank), Brigitta Simene (Marla)

13. Do You Want Fries With That?
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 1/7/1998 Production Code: AE12
Greg's latest legal victory leaves him depressed in the middle of the office celebration, so Dharma suggests that maybe Greg should quit and "follow his bliss." It turns out that Greg's suppressed passion is for cooking, so he informs his disturbed parents that he is starting a new career as a short-order cook in a hamburger joint. This prompts Edward to confession his own secret talent: hairdressing.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Charles Harper Yates
Director: Ellen Gittelsohn
Guest star: Allen Garfield (Stan Gottlieb), Dick O'Neill (Mr. Waring), Toshi Toda (Mr. Tanaka)

14. Old Yeller
Community Score8.8
Great
First aired: 1/21/1998 Production Code: AE13
Transportation becomes an issue for the young couple when Greg insists Dharma can use his car any time she wants but makes compulsive demands on her treatment of the vehicle. (Dharma: "Honey, I love you, but bite me!") So Dharma goes to a city auction with Jane and Pete and becomes the proud owner of a 1968 yellow school bus. Meanwhile, Abby invites the Montgomery's over for a meat dinner, and reveals that she was once romantically involved with Salazar, the featured artist at Kitty's charity exhibition. An amused Edward challenges the Finkelstein's to attend the function, which is threatened by a freak rainstorm and flood—it's 'Old Yeller' to the rescue!

Writer: Bill Prady, Eric Zicklin, Don Foster
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Paul Sand (Salazar), Steven Shenbaum (Stuart), Kathryn Joosten (Elderly Woman), David Botrell (Patron), Don Cummings (Valet), James Krog (Soccer Coach)

15. The Second Coming of Leonard
Community Score9.1
Superb
First aired: 2/4/1998 Production Code: AE16
When Dharma's charismatic old boyfriend, Leonard, suddenly re-enters her life after a year in India, Greg finds himself extremely uncomfortable around him, especially when it becomes clear that absolutely everyone else, from Greg's parents to even Marlene, absolutely adores Leonard. Weakened by battling a bad cold, Greg is thrown for a loop when Leonard reveals that he has been celibate since he left Dharma and Dharma decides that she and Greg should give abstinence a try as well. Finally, Dharma informs everyone that they should respect Greg's wishes and not see Leonard any more, then everyone simultaneously spots Greg on television enjoying Leonard's company and his bench-side basketball tickets.

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Eric Zicklin
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , Paul Johansson (Leonard), Chick Hearn (Basketball Announcer /Himself)

16. Dharma and Greg's First Romantic Valentine's Day Weekend
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 2/11/1998 Production Code: AE14
A romantic Valentine's Day weekend turns out to be anything but for Dharma and Greg. It all begins when Greg downloads a travel brochure promising a cozy getaway at the Red Rose Inn in upstate snow country. Unfortunately, things don't go quite as planned. En route, they get ticketed for speeding when Greg tries to make up time lost burying a dead animal that Dharma spotted by the roadside. Worse still, when they arrive at the inn they discover it's just an ordinary little house with no snow and only a backyard trailer to accommodate guests. Meanwhile, Kitty misinterprets Larry's talk about an animal-shelter swap meet to mean wife swapping, and she and Edward find themselves strangely disturbed by the idea.

Writer: Bill Prady, Regina Stewart
Director: Gil Junger
Guest star: Alice Ghostley (Mrs. Binns), Eric Allan Kramer (Officer Davis), Leslie Jordan (Kenny)

17. The Official Dharma & Greg Episode of the 1998 Winter Olympics
Community Score9.3
Superb
First aired: 2/25/1998 Production Code: AE15
While Dharma, Abby and Jane try to help a depressed Kitty struggle through her 50th birthday, Greg, Larry and Edward head off to the slopes to stage their own Winter Olympics. To head off Kitty's stated intention of immediate plastic surgery, the daffy trio persuades her to join them, big wigs and scanty dresses donned, on a mission to flirt at a navy bar. Kitty is an immediate hit - until one of the young men tells her she reminds him of his mother! Meanwhile, tobogganing down a mountainside in a canoe, at night, backwards, turns out to be the father and son bonding experience Greg and Edward never found time for.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady
Director: James Burrows
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Drew Ebersole (Chris), Dwayne MacEpson (Kevin), Christopher Taaffe (Rich), Brendan Wentworth (Ned)

18. Daughter of the Bride of Finkelstein
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 3/4/1998 Production Code: AE17
A plumbing emergency in their apartment forces Dharma and Greg to move in temporarily with his parents, and a situation fraught with tension is made worse when the Finkelstein's decide to contemplate marriage after twenty years of unwed bliss.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Fred Grenlee
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia)

19. Dharma's Tangled Web
Community Score9.0
Superb
First aired: 3/11/1998 Production Code: AE18
Dropping in on Kitty, Dharma instantly senses what has happened: Kitty and Edward are separating. An appalled Kitty makes Dharma promise not to tell Greg, but this well-meaning deception snowballs as Dharma's sense of guilt develops into a series of escalating fibs that draws in an uncomprehending Jane Seymour.

Writer: Bill Prady, Regina Stewart
Director: Ken Levine
Guest star: Don Cummings (Waiter) , Jane Seymour (Herself)

20. The Cat's Out of the Bag
Community Score8.6
Great
First aired: 4/1/1998 Production Code: AE19
The pretense that everything is fine with Greg's parents finally proves too much for Dharma, who snaps during dinner at a Chinese restaurant and has the bad news served to Greg in a fortune cookie. Trying to help the Montgomery's non-existent sex life, Dharma takes Kitty to her local neighborhood erotica store, where they naturally run into Abby and Larry. Greg and Pete take Edward for a drink to commiserate, and Edward demonstrates his ace in pick-up lines. Meanwhile, Jane has gone off to a Star Trek convention, leaving her pet Mr. Boots with Dharma and Greg. But Greg freaks out when he discovers that Mr. Boots is not exactly a cat.

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Fred Greenlee
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Teller (Mr. Boots), Brooks Almy (Lily), Kathleen Garrett (Audrey), Lucille Soong (Chinese Grandmother), Diana C. Wong (Chinese Teen Girl), Marian Lee Stryker (Chinese Mother), Tedd Szeto (Chinese Teen Boy), Albert Wong (Chinese Grandfather), Penn Jillette (Pimp (uncredited))

21. Spring Forward, Fall Down
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 4/28/1998 Production Code: AE20
Spring fever hits klutzy Dharma, moving her to dance naked on the roof in full view of a newscast helicopter, carpet the apartment with live grass and enter a ballroom dancing contest at the Montgomery's posh country club. Reluctant Greg insists they should accept that they have no chance of winning and merely enjoy themselves, but Dharma confesses to her parents that for once in her life, she's like to be competitive at all costs. Trouble is, the brunt of her aspirations is borne not by her competition but by Greg.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Nick Toth (Dan) , Julia Pennington (Cheryl), Valdas & Lilya Padriezas (Eric and Gaby), Virginia Hamilton (Marcy), Scott Haven (Ted), Sid Youngers (Security Guard)

22. Much Ado During Nothing
Community Score9.4
Superb
First aired: 5/13/1998 Production Code: AE22
When Jane breezes in to claim custody of Dharma's stuffed duck, Dharma explains to Greg that it's a trophy held by whoever has had sex in the unlikeliest place. Having actually fallen asleep during sex the night before, the couple decide to spice up their love life and search the city for a public place to have sex, since the rest of San Francisco will be too busy watching the finale of Seinfeld to notice. But Jane 'seduces' Pete by painting his toenails and shaving his legs, and talks about their plans and sets out to sabotage their trophy win, and, after a few ironic twists, it is not Dharma and Greg who get arrested for having sex on the steps of City Hall, but Kitty and Edward.

Writer: Eric Zicklin, Chuck Lorre
Director: Ken Levine
Guest star: Tim Hutchinson (Samuel), Michael Kestroff (Lou), Andy Umberger (Cop), Robin Benaccorsi (Stunt Dharma), Merritt Yohnka (Stunt Greg), Dave Florek (Officer Mel)

23. Invasion of the Buddy Snatchers
Community Score9.1
Superb
First aired: 5/20/1998 Production Code: AE21
When Greg hosts a poker game, Dharma takes advantage of the occasion to meet his buddies. Petty jealousies surface as she begins befriending the men and privately advising them on personal matters - including bankruptcy, impotence, and a serious crush one of the men has on Greg - and they in turn begin to full uncomfortable around Greg because he won't share his feelings with them. Upset that Dharma has taken over his friends, Greg tries to bluff her by maintaining that he has plans of his own to hang out with Jane; and when Dharma thinks this an "awesome" idea, he finds himself involved in a bizarre role-playing game with Jane's very bizarre friends. Meanwhile, Kitty and Edward are unhappily afloat in "duck soup," as their swimming pool is invaded by waterfowl. Enter Abby, who is getting a Berkeley degree in ornithological intelligence.

Writer: Susannah Hardaway, Charles Harper Yates
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Mark Thompson (VI) (Guy #2), Dick Clark (Himself), Michelle Shocked (Herself), Steve Bean (Roger), Ted Kairys (Paul Binyan), Kevin Skousen (Stuart), Dot Jones (Hey-19), Gerry Lock (Foo), Brian Phelps (Guy #3), Torsten Voges (Hey-20), Hamilton von Watts (Howard)

------

24. Ringing Up Baby
Community Score8.5
Great
First aired: 9/23/1998 Production Code: 2ABD01
A new path in life opens suddenly at the newlyweds' feet when Donna, the express checkout girl at their local supermarket, reveals that she has been dumped by her boyfriend just as she is about to have his child. When Dharma brings her home for the night, Donna gets a bright idea: why doesn't she give the baby to Dharma and Greg? Greg is dead against the idea but.... you can guess the rest except maybe the fact that the baby turns out to be black.

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Chuck Lorre
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Brigid Brannagh (Donna), Joel McCrary (Customer), James Sie (Man in Line), Michael Younieli (Man)

25. It Takes a Village
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 9/30/1998 Production Code: 2ABD02
Abby and Larry assemble a village, which includes an African spiritual adviser, a troubadour, a storyteller who has taken a vow of silence, a lesbian lactation expert, and Jane to help Dharma and Greg with the baby. Greg is pleased, sort of, until he realizes that this entails everyone living with them during the baby's first formative years. Meanwhile, Kitty takes to her bed, convinced that her life is over now that she has become a grandmother overnight. Dharma promises to help Kitty fulfill her matriarchal ambitions by having "a whole buttload of kids," but is taken aback by Kitty's first dynastic decision: to name the baby after Edward's wealthy uncle Fergus.

Writer: Bill Prady, Regina Stewart
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Robert Wisdom (Prospero), Meagen Fay (Kim), Jonathan Slavin (Sean), Grace Zabriskie (Naomi)

26. Turn Turn Turn
Community Score8.4
Great
First aired: 10/7/1998 Production Code: 2ABD03
Experimenting to see if her parents can be trusted to mind the baby, Dharma and Greg take the baby to the movies with them, but the incessant crying annoys the patrons around them, Dharma's crying. Abby approached Kitty to see if they can agree on a compromise between their family traditions for the baby's naming ceremony, which results in a huge gathering and a minister, a rabbi, and a shaman. (Yes, they tell jokes.) Even Kitty, with the help of Larry's special cookies, gets into the swing of things; and all is happiness until a telegram arrives: Donna has changed her mind and wants the baby back.

Writer: Bill Prady, Regina Stewart
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Holmes Osborne (Rev. Blanchard), Stuart Pankin (Rabbi Mutchnik), Ned Romero (John Running Bear), Irene White (Female Moviegoer), Nina Bidasha (Belly Dancer), Brent Hunter (Boy Scout), Brigid Brannagh (Donna)

27. The Paper Hat Anniversary
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 10/14/1998 Production Code: 2ABD04
It's traditional to fight on your first anniversary (even if Hallmark doesn't have a card for it): Dharma and Greg stage an argument to escape their parents' planned celebration, but in concocting the excuse Greg says Dharma was being "flighty," and the gloves come off. While they drive out of the city, Dharma retaliates by calling Greg a "stick in the mud," and soon their car is stuck in the mud when he tries to demonstrate how impetuous he can be. (Not very.) They hike to a diner, but find it closed because of a death in the owner's family; just as Greg breaks a pane in the door in order to use the phone, a highway patrolman happens by and the young couple get caught in a charade of being the replacement cook and waitress. There's a nice unspoken continuity with the first season episode in which Greg really did become a short order cook, and it's nice to see him sharing Dharma's role-playing game, even if unwillingly. But Dharma looks tense and unhappy even before Greg accidentally insults her. Are we to infer a further continuity with the stress from the loss of the baby?

Writer: Bill Prady, Eric Zicklin
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Randy Eglesby (Officer Burke), Mary Schmidtberger (Linda), Kivi Rogers (Alvin)

28. Unarmed and Dangerous
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 10/21/1998 Production Code: 2ABD06

In the middle of a typical in-law squabble, Dharma and Greg answer an emergency call and rush to hospital. There they find a partially immobilized Pete, who has dislocated both shoulders in a bizarre car accident. Greg is not too pleased at Dharma's offer to nurse Pete back to health, and after a traumatic visit to Pete's apartment to pick up his cat gives her far too much insight into Pete's life (or lack thereof) Dharma finds herself committed to cleansing her house guest both physically and spiritually.

Meanwhile, Kitty convinces Abby's "Save the Ducks" fund raising committee that rather than making $800 with a bake sale, they can raise $80,000 with a fancy celebrity dinner featuring "Alan Alda, or one of the Baldwin boys." Trouble is when the event gets under way, the celebrity turns out to be not exactly environmentally aware Andrew Dice Clay.

Jane becomes addicted to the one acceptable item in Pete's apartment: his vibrating, um, massage chair; and Pete's final act of chauvinism for this episode, involving beautiful twin masseuses who live above a liquor store, leaves him in a very embarrassing position indeed.

Writer: Noah Gregoropoulos, Julie Ann Larson
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Andrew Dice Clay (Himself), Miriam Flynn (Jasmine), Cristine Rose (Autumn), Michael Hyall (Doctor)

29. A Closet Full of Hell
Community Score9.1
Superb
First aired: 10/28/1998 Production Code: 2ABD05
Dharma and Greg are haunted by a prankster spirit living in a newly discovered hidden closet.

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Fred Greenlee
Director: Gil Junger
Guest star: Angela Paton (Mrs. Shumacher), Bodhi Elfman (Ted)

30. Valet Girl
Community Score8.8
Great
First aired: 11/4/1998 Production Code: 2ABD07
Greg is forced to make a very embarrassing public admission when he sees the first girl he claims to have slept with and her jealous husband makes some serious threats. Meanwhile, Dharma and Greg attend the wedding of Kitty's housekeeper and offer to park cars as a wedding gift.

Writer: Fred Greenlee, Bill Prady
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Maria Martin (Yaez), Jennifer Darling (Suzanne), Rosemary Forsyth (Merrill), Carlos Lacamara (Fernando), Frank Roman (Jorge), Marcelo Tubert (Father Gonzalez), Anne Belancourt (Guest #1), Terri Hayes (Alba), Martin Morales (Driver #1)

31. Like, Dharma's Totally Got a Date
Community Score9.0
Superb
First aired: 11/11/1998 Production Code: 2ABD08
Dharma discovers Greg is really the only man for her when she agrees to attend a dance with a nerdy high school kid, but meets with some serious competition from the younger crowd. Meanwhile, Larry sings his "You guys are okay" song to Edward and Kitty, causing Kitty to fall and hurt herself; this prompts Kitty to sue Larry after she is embarrassed by her donut-cushion in front of the mayor. Larry represents himself, while Pete arbitrates.

Writer: Regina Stewart, Eric Zicklin
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: J.D. Walsh (Donald) , Jennifer Lyons (Brittany), Jared Doud (Jeremy), Lisa Long (Saleswoman), Hilary Salvatore (Dakota)

32. Brought to You in DharmaVision
Community Score8.6
Great
First aired: 11/18/1998 Production Code: 2ABD09
Dharma is surprised when both Jane and her parents accuse her of having changed because she is busy attending a society fundraiser with Kitty then alarmed when Kitty congratulates her on having changed to the extent that young socialites thinks she's "a hoot and a half." Her identity crisis is confirmed by a visit from the spirit of her Indian friend, George, who directs her to retreat to the Redwoods to find herself and conveys a cryptic message to "save the young one." An uncomprehending Greg reluctantly lets her go, persuading her to take Jane with her; then, upon seeing George in a dream, rushes to the woods in Larry's van to save Dharma and Jane, who have adopted a bear cub while remaining oblivious to the nearby presence of its angered mother. Best lines: George to Dharma: "You might have mentioned that you moved. I scared some skinny guy in the shower half to death!"; Larry, fleeing from the mother bear, slips on something in the woods and mutters, "That answers that question!"

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Bill Prady
Director: Chuck Lorre
Guest star: Nicholas Gonzalez (Juan), Floyd 'Red Crow' Westerman (George)

33. Yes, We Have No Bananas (or Anything Else for That Matter)
Community Score9.3
Superb
First aired: 11/25/1998 Production Code: 2ABD10
A gently surreal episode whose humor derives from escalating skewed logic in the Preston Sturges mode: Greg's hostile secretary Marlene (at last the wonderful Yeardley Smith returns!) is offended by her annual staff evaluation as "Satisfactory," while Greg is overjoyed by his "Superior" rating until he learns Pete got the same rating. When Greg confronts his boss, he is driven to desperation by the man's apparent complete inability to discriminate between similar items (Tahiti vs. Buffalo as a honeymoon destination, freshly baked bread vs. moldy supermarket bread), and almost unhinged by the boss's decision to put Pete in charge while he is in medical leave. At the same time Greg must deal with Dharma's impulse decision to open a store without first deciding what she will sell, and the fact that the place quickly becomes packed with people who find Dharma's environment strangely soothing and establish a barter economy amongst themselves. There is of course only one "logical" conclusion: despite the fact that Dharma is losing money, she makes a profit when she is bought out by Starbucks. (We leave her contemplating a "drive-through" version of her non-store.) Meanwhile, Larry tries to persuade Edward to buy a drug-running friend's power yacht, and the four-in laws find themselves held prisoner by an aggressive sea lion who climbs on board and won't leave.

Writer: Charles Harper Yates, Eric Zicklin
Director: Ellen Gittelsohn
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , T.J. Thyne (Jerry), Kevin Nealon (Mr. Clayborn), Stan Sellars (Mr. Allen), Red Arrants (Pilot), Carla Barnett (Lisa), L.J. Thyne (Jerry), Diana Weng (Jenny)

34. The House That Dharma Built
Community Score9.0
Superb
First aired: 12/9/1998 Production Code: 2ABD11
Gail Mancuso seems to direct all the best episodes, and this is no exception: A friendly game of strip poker between the newlyweds is interrupted by an emergency visit from Larry and Abby (who are willing to wait a half hour until the sex is finished, an offer Greg can't accept). It turns out that their property is under siege by an unscrupulous developer who happens to be a former, and hated, classmate of Greg's. After Dharma invites the developer and his wife to dinner, then has to fight off his sexual advances, she is forced to accept Greg's viewpoint -- that he is evil -- and to seek a flattered Kitty's advice on how to get rid of him and save her parents' beloved home. The solution involves Jane, Pete, a trampoline, some garbage cans, and the IRS... and a wonderful coda using the trampoline. (In the course of the episode we also learn that Dharma has been both a magician's assistant and a professional casino dealer.)

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Kurt Fuller (David), Jessica Lundy (Patty), Jeff Austin (Arthur), Nigel Gibbs (John)

35. Are You Ready for Some Football?
Community Score9.3
Superb
First aired: 12/16/1998 Production Code: 2ABD12
When Greg convinces Dharma to accompany him and Pete to a football game, despite her lifelong aversion to competitive sports, he is unprepared for her sudden and total conversion into a fanatical San Francisco 49ers fan--and the term "fanatical" is not used lightly. When Dharma sneaks out to a game in the middle of dinner with her parents, Greg decides she needs help, and arranges an intervention involving quarterback Steve Young.

Writer: Fred Greenlee, Eric Zicklin
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Nick Toth (Voice of Color Commentator (uncredited)) , Steve Young (Himself), Rolando Molina (Hector), Martez Covington (Enormous Fan), John C. McLaughlin (Archbishop Stevenson), Liann Pattison (Stacey)

36. Death and Violins
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 1/6/1999 Production Code: 2ABD13
Edward's mother Beatrice is dying and knows it, despite the efforts of everyone around her to deny the fact except Dharma, who argues for honesty and gets a priceless Stradivarius as a keepsake, much to the horror of Kitty who believes it belongs in a museum -- especially after everyone has heard Dharma trying to learn "Three Blind Mice" on the instrument. Then Dharma learns something very surprising: Edward and Kitty's marriage was a whirlwind courtship bitterly opposed by Beatrice, who has never forgiven her "free-thinking" daughter-in-law and refuses to pass on the family heirloom engagement ring to her. Dharma tries to help mend fences before it's too late -- then tries to respect Beatrice's dying wish to pass on the ring when it is much, much too late. In a coda, Greg is more than happy to let Dharma's violin teacher borrow the Strad for a recital, then learns Dharma has taken up the trombone instead.

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Chuck Lorre
Director: Dottie Dartland
Guest star: Nina Foch (Beatrice), Holmes Osborne (Reverend Blanchard), Christine Remee (Mrs. Schreiman), Joyce Guy (Nurse), Maria Bamford (Sandy), Tom Finnegan (Uncle Fergus)

37. Dharma and Greg on a Hot Tin Roof
Community Score9.3
Superb
First aired: 1/20/1999 Production Code: 2ABD14
Role playing at a golf shop, the couple put on fake Southern accents and wind up endearing themselves to a genuine Southerner -- who turns out to be the federal judge before whom Greg must argue a cast the next day. After an evening's panic, he decides to tough it out and wins the case hands down (while mystifying Pete). But he discovers he has succeeded only too well: Judge Harper becomes the couple's best friend and constant companion, and Greg despairs at having to keep up the pretence forever -- especially when the judge comes to meet the entire extended family.

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Regina Stewart
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Paul Dooley (Judge Harper), Paul Terrell Clayton (Bailifff), Brian Dunkleman (Salesperson), Tom Virtue (Mr. Miller)

38. Dharma and the Horse She Rode In On
Community Score8.6
Great
First aired: 2/3/1999 Production Code: 2ABD15
It's Dharma's birthday, but the surprise she gets isn't what Greg was planning. First his parents take them on a mock foxhunt, and the uncontrollably wild stallion at the stables becomes meek as a lamb as she as he meets Dharma. Groom Joaquin swears it's because the horse has fallen madly in love with Dharma, and sure enough Steve starts showing up unexpectedly at the apartment. Meanwhile, Greg's old flame Barbara is assigned to work with him on a case with an overnight deadline.

Writer: Julie Ann Larson, Charles Harper Yates
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Eliza Coyle (Barbara), Diane Delano (Tina), Rene Moreno (Joaquin)

39. See Dharma Run
Community Score8.6
Great
First aired: 2/10/1999 Production Code: 2ABD16
After a dehumanizing experience with bureaucratic red tape, Dharma is inspired to run for office, and thanks to a pair of wacky opponents and a hefty campaign contribution from Edward, she may have a real shot. Meanwhile, Pete and Jane find a shocking way to fight the alone-on-Valentine's-Day blues.

Writer: Regina Stewart, Sid Youngers
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Nancy Lenehan (Karen Love), Jack Eng (Teddy), Nick Lelh (Moderator), Kenneth Alan Williams (Marvin)

40. Run, Dharma, Run
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 2/17/1999 Production Code: 2ABD17
As Election Day approaches, Dharma and Greg's relationship hits stormy seas due to clashes over her campaign strategy. Meanwhile, an aggressive opponent may really rain on Dharma's parade.

Writer: Don Foster, Eric Zicklin
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Nancy Lenehan (Karen Love), Jack Eng (Teddy), Nick Lelh (Moderator), Kenneth Alan Williams (Marvin)

41. See Dharma Run Amok
Community Score8.5
Great
First aired: 2/24/1999 Production Code: 2ABD18
Election day is here, and Dharma has finally mastered the art of politics. But it's her own body that teaches her that lying can lead to flu, rashes, eye sties, oozing sores and even a bout of the gout.

Writer: Don Foster, Regina Stewart
Director: Will Mackenzie
Guest star: Nancy Lenehan (Karen Love), Judith Moreland (Newscaster), Bruce French (Doctor), Robert Mehler (Director)

42. Everybody Must Get Stones
Community Score8.5
Great
First aired: 3/3/1999 Production Code: 2ABD19
Dharma and Greg join their parents, and even Pete and Jane, on a couples' retreat. But when they repeatedly fail tests designed to demonstrate the strength of their relationship (while Pete and Jane score tops), they resort to covert measures. Meanwhile, Kitty and Edward find a weekend in the wild to be just that.

Writer: Bill Prady, Sid Youngers
Director: Will Mackenzie
Guest star: Don Cummings (Waiter) , Jim Turner (I) (Chapman)

43. Dharma Drags Edward Out of Retirement
Community Score9.2
Superb
First aired: 3/31/1999 Production Code: 2ABD20
When Greg rather reluctantly gives Dharma half of his on-line investment account, she becomes obsessed with profit (even borrowing from her parents), but unwisely follows a tip from a friend of Larry's and sinks everything into a San Francisco company that promptly sinks even further. When she appeals to a recently retired Edward for help, he quickly rejuvenates the business, which happens to merchandize women's fashions for men: edrag.com; but Kitty objects that Edward's golden years were reserved for her.

Writer: Dan Foster, Regina Stewart
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Joel Brooks (Arthur), Michael Winters (Rodney)

44. It Never Happened One Night
Community Score8.4
Great
First aired: 5/5/1999 Production Code: 2ABD21
Dharma pushes her mother-in-law's fortitude to the absolute limit when she presents Kitty with an award at a country-club luncheon -- and later wrecks her car.

Writer: Julie Ann Larson, Bill Prady
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Jennifer Darling (Suzanne Kitty's friend at country club)

45. A Girl Can Dream, Can't She?
Community Score8.5
Great
First aired: 5/12/1999 Production Code: 2ABD22
Greg discovers he should pay more attention to his wife's intuition when Dharma has a nightmare and begs him not to go away on a business trip.

Writer: Don Foster, Sid Youngers
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Don Cummings (Waiter) , Yeardley Smith (Marlene (Voice only)), Virginia Hamilton (Stewardess)

46. Bed, Bath and Beyond
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 5/19/1999 Production Code: 2AB023
Greg is forced to go with the flow when Larry makes a few improvements in the loft and lets in more than just a spring shower; and Dick Clark pays a visit during Edward's surreal flashback sequence.

Writer: Fred Greenlee, Julie Ann Larson, Eric Zicklin
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Dick Clark (Himself), Walter Olkewicz (Howie), Jonathan Slavin (Young Larry), Casey Sander (Abby's Father)

47. The Dating Game
Community Score8.2
Great
First aired: 5/26/1999 Production Code: 2ABD24
When Dharma and Greg decide to go on a first date to get reacquainted the old-fashioned way, their courtship doesn't go as well as planned: a furious Dharma moves back in with her parents and refuses to speak to a penitent Greg.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady
Director: Gail Mancuso

----------------

48. One Flew Over the Lawyer's Desk
Community Score8.4
Great
First aired: 9/21/1999 Production Code: 3ABD01
Questioning his place in the universe, Greg begins a journey of self-discovery by exploring his reasons for becoming a lawyer.

Writer: Don Foster, Bill Prady
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia), Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , Kevin Nealon (Mr. Clayborn)

49. Welcome to Hotel Calamari
Community Score8.0
Great
First aired: 9/28/1999 Production Code: 3ABD02
Trying to find himself, Greg goes on a "journey of self-discovery", which ends in a seedy motel.

Writer: Don Foster, Sid Youngers
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Alec Mappa (Trina), Clement E. Blake (Artie), Damon Standifer (Anthony), Clyde Kusatsu (Al)

50. Dharma's Inferno
Community Score8.5
Great
First aired: 10/5/1999 Production Code: 3ABD03
When the financial realities of Greg's unemployment sink in, Dharma takes on a slew of new jobs and makes a deal with the devil to make ends meet: she accepts covert checks from Kitty in exchange for expanded mother/daughter-in-law time spent together. Only when Edward takes Greg to a high-power suits party while Kitty takes her to the opera to see "Faust" does Dharma come to her senses and rush back just in time to prevent Greg from accepting a corporate job.

Writer: Julie Ann Larson, Rachel Sweet
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Don Cummings (Waiter), Nick Toth (Announcer) , Vincent Schiavelli (Mur. Culler), Edmund L. Shaff (Mr. Wallacw), Reid Brulen (Mephisto), Agostino Catagnela (Faust), Alison England (Margeurite), Angelo Pagan (Laundry Man)

51. Play Lady Play
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 10/12/1999 Production Code: 3ABD04
Dharma agrees to play drums for a friend's teenage garage band. Meanwhile, she helps Greg through his crisis by purposefully invoking arguments with him.

Writer: Eddie Gorodetsky, Fred Greenlee
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: J.D. Walsh (Donald) , Bob Dylan (Himself), T-Bone Burnett (Himself), John Fields (Himself), Tony Gilbyson (Himself), Joe Henry (Himself), Jane Lynch (Sheryl), Harry S. Murphy (Richard), Mark Allan Staubach (Oliver), Elaine Bremka (Jeanie), Neil Cox (Stuie), Steffen (Clerk), Marissa Jaret Winokur (Anita)

52. I Did It for You, Kitty
Community Score8.8
Great
First aired: 10/19/1999 Production Code: 3ABD05
Faced with Kitty's midlife crisis, Dharma decides to help her fulfill her lifelong dream—winning a beauty pageant.

Writer: Jonathan Schmock, Regina Stewart
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Gary Collins (Himself), Helen Infield Siff (Frances), Dan Desmond (Mr. Wylie), Carol Infield Sender (Phyllis)

53. The Very Grateful Dead
Community Score8.2
Great
First aired: 10/26/1999 Production Code: 3ABD06
Dharma becomes convinced that the ghost of a recently deceased neighbor wants to conduct some unfinished business -- and the spirit soon moves Greg in a rather carnal way.

Writer: Jenna Bruce, Michelle Nader
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Harper Reisman (Old Man)

54. Fairway to Heaven
Community Score8.2
Great
First aired: 11/2/1999 Production Code: 3ABD07
Greg decides his life's fulfillment lies on the professional golf course, but Dharma isn't so sure if she should let him play through, given that Greg's journey of self-discovery may mean relocating to Scotland.

Writer: Rachel Sweet, Sid Youngers
Director: Ken Levine
Guest star: Jacqueline Steiger (Tiffany)

55. Tie-Dying the Knot
Community Score8.4
Great
First aired: 11/9/1999 Production Code: 3ABD08
Abby and Larry decide to make it official after thirty years of unwedded bliss, provided they can get Kenny Loggins to sing at the ceremony. Meanwhile, Greg comes full circle on his search for tranquility a part-time resident of the local park comes to him with a legal problem.

Writer: Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky
Director: Chuck Lorre
Guest star: Tommy Chong (Carl), Brooks Almy (Lily), Cathy McAuley (Ginger), William Bassett (Dewey), Kate Fuglet (Woman), Nick Gaza (Man), Kenny Loggins (Himself), Lester James Brandt (Guillermo)

56. Law and Disorder
Community Score8.2
Great
First aired: 11/16/1999 Production Code: 3ABD09
Constant interference makes Greg wish that his new law practice were a little more private, especially when Dharma keeps solving his client's problems without recourse to the law; Dharma reaches out to her landlady on behalf of the other tenants; Larry pursues an increasingly vindictive feud against his neighbor—who turns out to be his uncle.

Writer: Michael Collier, Jenna Bruce, Chuck Lorre
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Lillian Adams (Mrs. Spinoza), Christopher Darga (Mr. Marsh), Les Brandl (Guillermo), Patrick T. O'Brien (Reger), Lori Ralston (Patricia), Mario Roccuzzo (Primo)

57. Thanksgiving Until It Hurts
Community Score9.0
Superb
First aired: 11/23/1999 Production Code: 3ABD10
In an attempt to make Thanksgiving more enjoyable than last year's debacle (which we see in flashbacks), Dharma and Greg devise a plan to entirely avoid their families. When it becomes clear how much this has hurt everyone, the pair wind up more stuffed than any turkey after eating four Thanksgiving dinners: their own, one cooked (barely) by Kitty, another with Abby and Larry, and a fourth with Celia's family -- who have a fight that top last year's.

Writer: Michelle Nader, Sid Youngers
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Julia Vera (Maria), Victor Campos (Hector), Jody Carter (Gladys), Johnny Williams (Vito)

58. Lawyers, Beer and Money
Community Score8.5
Great
First aired: 11/30/1999 Production Code: 3ABD11
While his fledgling independent law practice struggles, Greg feels emasculated when Dharma hits the jackpot in a TV commercial whose producers caught her in a late-night promo for Greg's business.

Writer: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jonathan Schmock
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Nick Toth (Announcer) , Robert Mailhouse (Adam), Mark Tymchyshyn (Jay), Daniel R. Escobar (Waiter), Jack Axelrod (Bartender), Jonathan Stockwell Baker (Director)

59. Looking for the Goodbars
Community Score8.8
Great
First aired: 12/14/1999 Production Code: 3ABD12
Worried that they've run out of friends, Dharma and Greg "interview" a series of potential couples to see who meets their strict requirements.

Writer: Fred Greenlee, Chuck Lorre
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Patrick Fabian (Doug), Catherine Dent (Cynthia), David Beach (Paul), Cynthia Lamontagne (Sarah), Susan Chuang (Betty), Steven Hack (Lance), Miranda Kent (Woman)

60. Drop Dead Gorgeous
Community Score8.6
Great
First aired: 1/11/2000 Production Code: 3ABD13
Finding that Greg is overwhelmed with paper work (and that her own efforts to help only lead to desktop carnal encounters), Dharma determines to hire him a first-rate legal secretary. She tries to get pointers from Greg's former secretary Marlene, but discovers that Marlene's only real skill is in dodging work. After submitting applicants to a battery of tests, both skill-related and New Age, Dharma finds the perfect secretary: the intelligent, caring, spiritually centered Kim -- who also happens to be a former fashion model. Despite Jane's skepticism, Dharma insists she trusts Greg completely and goes out of her way to throw Kim & Greg together, going so far as to have her accompany Greg to a dance with Kitty and Edward while she goes to a Smothers Brothers vineyard jamboree with Abby and Larry. When the car brakes Kim supposedly had serviced fail, Dharma's trust looks like a fatal mistake...

Writer: Bill Prady, Rachel Sweet
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , Helen Greenberg (Carol), Bill Rulkeski (Ben), Liz Vassey (Kim)

61. Good Cop, Bad Daughter
Community Score8.5
Great
First aired: 1/25/2000 Production Code: 3ABD14
Dharma's friendship with two police officers gets her anti-establishment father Larry hot under the collar, and the family feud threatens to ruin Abby's surprise birthday party.

Writer: Regina Stewart, Don Foster
Director: Randy Cordray
Guest star: Don Cummings (Waiter) , Andy Comeau (Cop #1), Sara Mornell (Cop #2), Robert Cesario (Mr. Lee)

62. The Trouble with Troubador
Community Score7.9
Good
First aired: 2/8/2000 Production Code: 3ABD15
Dharma lends a helping hand to singer-songwriters Lyle Lovett and k.d. lang when their fame and fortune leaves them unfulfilled. Meanwhile, a sarcastic hotel clerk spoils plans for the couple's romantic Valentine's Day getaway.

Writer: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jonathan Schmock
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Lyle Lovett (Himself), k.d. lang (Herself), Ian Ogilvy (Geoffrey)

63. Weekend at Larry's
Community Score8.4
Great
First aired: 2/15/2000 Production Code: 3ABD16
While spending the weekend at Dharma's parents' house, Greg fears they're in grave danger when an old family friend shows up unexpectedly -- Nunzio and Stinky dig up his skeleton in Larry's garden. Meanwhile, Larry and Abby run into Edward and Kitty on a flight to Washington and discover that Edward is testifying before Congress on an environmental issue that Larry and Abby are protesting.

Writer: Bill Prady, Michelle Nader
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Joel McCrary (Jimmy), Paula Newsome (Charlene), Ria Pavia (Stewardess)

64. The Spy Who Said He Loved Me
Community Score8.2
Great 1
review
First aired: 2/22/2000 Production Code: 3ABD17
Dharma runs into an old boyfriend, Scott, whose endless, high-flown tales of jet setting sound more and more like flights of fancy. Meanwhile, Greg's hernia becomes a popular topic for discussion and forces several trips to the doctor

Writer: Bill Prady, Regina Stewart
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Tom Poston (Dr. Gillespie), Winifred Freedman (Pharmacist), Jason Beghe (Scott), Heidi Mark (Allison), Bridget Previte (Becky)

65. A Night to Remember
Community Score8.8
Great 1
review
First aired: 2/29/2000 Production Code: 3ABD18
Much to Greg's horror, Dharma tries to help Donald make a memorable evening of his first sexual experience. Meanwhile, Greg searches for memories from his childhood but decides he would rather remain in the present; and Larry develops temporary powers of recollection.

Writer: Don Foster, Sid Youngers
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: J.D. Walsh (Donald) , Margaret Emery (Woman), Marissa Jaret Winokur (Anita)

66. The Best Laid Plans
Community Score9.3
Superb 1
review
First aired: 3/14/2000 Production Code: 3ABD19
For the first time in her life, Dharma gets depressed about her sex life when she discovers that Greg can't make a move in the bedroom without checking his day planner first. Meanwhile, a depressed Greg confides in Pete, who convinces him the only logical explanation for the downturn in his sex life is that Dharma is seeing someone else.

Writer: Regina Stewart, Julie Ann Larson
Director: Will Mackenzie
Guest star: Ed Quinn (Stavros), Vince Melocchi (Eddie), Abdoulaye N'Gom (Prof Schmock), Raymond Ma (Prof Wong)

67. Talkin' About My Regeneration
Community Score8.7
Great 1
review
First aired: 3/28/2000 Production Code: 3ABD20
Dharma's ritual of unburdening her sins every seven years reveals things that would be better off remaining a burden. Meanwhile, Larry convinces the Montgomery's maid, Celia, to go on strike, leading everyone to discover how much control Celia has over Kitty's personality.

Writer: Eddie Gorodetsky, Julie Ann Larson
Director: Will Mackenzie
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Jorge Luis Abreu (Unknown)

68. Big Daddy
Community Score8.1
Great 1
review
First aired: 4/11/2000 Production Code: 3ABD21
Greg's old girlfriend Stephanie asks for his help in getting her son into Greg's old prep school; and once Dharma sets eyes on the boy, she becomes convinced that he is Greg's child.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Karen Witter (Stephanie), Brock Burnett (Thomas), D.J. Carlilse (Jeremy)

69. Your Place or Mine
Community Score8.4
Great 1
review
First aired: 5/2/2000 Production Code: 3ABD22
After replacing her furniture with Greg's stored bachelor stuff, Dharma is a changed woman. But not necessarily for the better -- she becomes strangely possessed with material ambition. Meanwhile, Edward finally rebels against the fact that even his private den is entirely decorated by Kitty.

Writer: Sid Youngers, Jonathan Schmock
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Daniel R. Escobar (Lorenzo), Todd Pazel (Voice of Infomercial Announcer)

70. Hell to the Chief
Community Score8.2
Great 1
review
First aired: 5/9/2000 Production Code: 3ABD23
When Abby objects to being president by acclamation yet again of the educational co-op, she impulsively nominates Dharma to run against her, and both women are nonplussed when Dharma is instantly elected. While Abby tries to be supportive, Dharma sets about making changes, which backfire, convincing her that Abby is sabotaging her. Meanwhile, k.d. lang asks Greg for a small legal favor which quickly goes to Greg's head.

Writer: Regina Stewart, Rachel Sweet
Director: Steven V. Silver
Guest star: Kathryn Joosten (Claire), Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci) , k.d. lang (Herself), Clinton Jackson (Charlie), Ellis E. Williams (Al)

71. Be My Baby
Community Score8.2
Great 1
review
First aired: 5/16/2000 Production Code: 3ABD24
Dharma's vision of a baby sets her and Greg to officially start trying; Pete asks for Greg's help after getting fired; Abby celebrates the onset of menopause.

Writer: Michelle Nader, Julie Ann Larson
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Helen Greenberg (Marci) , Adrian Neil (Philippe)

---------------------

72. Mother and Daughter Reunion
Community Score8.2
Great 1
review
First aired: 10/10/2000 Production Code: 4ABD02
In the fourth-season opener, Abby's plans for the new baby rattle Dharma, because Abby's admission that she and Larry made mistakes raising Dharma – like letting Timothy Leary be her babysitter – threatens Dharma's memories of her childhood as idyllic. When Abby's pregnancy is threatened by complications, Dharma feels obscurely responsible, until a visit from the spirit of her dead friend George sets her straight. Meanwhile, Greg's advice helps Pete and Jane make a move to repair their crumbling marriage: they announce they are getting divorced.

Writer: Rachel Sweet, Susan Beavers
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Floyd 'Red Crow' Westerman (George), Peter Choi (Doctor)

73. Love, Honor & Olé!
Community Score7.8
Good 1
review
First aired: 10/24/2000 Production Code: 4ABD01
Dharma tries to reconnect with her old life by planning a wild road trip to Mexico with her friends. When Greg decides to go along for the ride, Dharma's friends are less than pleased. Meanwhile, Larry lands a job as a night security guard with Edward's company in order to get medical insurance for the baby.

Writer: Bill Prady, Don Foster
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: James Avery (Walter), Bahni Turpin (Mary), Radmar Agana Jao (Ian), Kevin Christy (Stan)

74. Playing the Field
Community Score7.9
Good 1
review
First aired: 10/31/2000 Production Code: 4ABD03
Greg fouls out as part of his wife's New Age softball team, while Dharma learns that Edward's sporting a new lady around town.

Writer: Don Foster, Julie Ann Larson
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Helen Greenberg (Marci), Susan Chuang (Susan), Kathryn Joosten (Claire) , Mary Gillis (Ruby), John Harrington Bland (Umpire), Peggy Doyle (Bingo Caller)

75. Hell No, Greg Can't Go
Community Score7.4
Good 1
review
First aired: 11/14/2000 Production Code: 4ABD05
A small war breaks out as Dharma stages a protest to halt Greg's plans to enlist in the Army. But once he does, the legal eagle's stuffy style has the troops ready to boot him out of boot camp.

Writer: Bob Dolan Smith, Susan Beavers, Eddie Gorodetsky
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan) , Robert Loggia (General Kirby), Joel Polis (Colonel Glickman), Helen Greeberg (Marci), Anne Haney (Mrs. Kirby), Robert Donner (Joe), Beth Wishnie

76. Midwife Crisis
Community Score7.9
Good
First aired: 11/21/2000 Production Code: 4ABD04
Abby's labor is a real pain for Dharma when she must share midwife duty with a celebrated author well-versed in childbirth. Meanwhile, Larry's also acting like a brat, after Kitty and Edward present the expectant parents with a new van.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Sid Youngers, Bill Prady, Rachel Sweet
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Miriam Margolyes (Chloe Spencer Chung), Gwen McGee (Nurse)

77. Sleepless in San Francisco
Community Score7.9
Good
First aired: 11/28/2000 Production Code: 4ABD07
Abby turns a blind eye when Dharma goes the extra mile to help care for the new baby in the Finklestein family.

Writer: Susan Beavers, Bob Dolan Smith
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Linda Porter (Becky), Sharon Madden (Joyce), Samantha Flate (Jenny), Keary Jenkins (Victor)

78. Mad Secretaries and Englishmen
Community Score7.6
Good
First aired: 12/5/2000 Production Code: 4ABD06
Dharma & Greg's love life suffers because neither of them can keep from helping other people with their love problems, including Greg's crazy, lovesick secretary Marlene. Their romantic getaway gets postpones so Dharma can set Marlene up with Jane's flaxy ex. Meanwhile, Abby comes up with a scheme to make money and feed Harry at the same time.

Writer: Julie Ann Larson, David Reagal
Director: Robby Benson
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , Steve Valentine (Roger), Kevin Cooney (Archbishop Livingston)

79. Charma Loves Greb
Community Score8.1
Great
First aired: 12/12/2000 Production Code: 4ABD08
Dharma realizes she should have left well enough alone when Greg's surprise party nearly brings the Finklesteins and Montgomerys to blows.

Writer: Bill Prady, Don Foster
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Dakin Mathews (Theodore Harrison), Tammy Tavares (Kelly), Ron Fassler (Frank), Linda Kim (Pepper)

80. Boxing Dharma
Community Score8.1
Great
First aired: 12/19/2000 Production Code: 4ABD12
Dharma regretfully taps into her hidden anger and a penchant for boxing when a woman challenges her to a barroom brawl. Meanwhile, Larry takes his familial relationship with the boss for granted.

Writer: Rachel Sweet, Julie Ann Larson
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Suanne Spoke (Wanda), Mitchell Whitfield (Bob), Helen Cates (Lydia), Benjamin Brown (Manny)

81. Dutch Treat
Community Score7.7
Good
First aired: 1/9/2001 Production Code: 4ABD13
When Dharma and Greg disagree about playing role model to their young college friend Donald, they decide to experiment with independence for the first time since their marriage began. When things finally get really tense, only an obscure dream and a visit from Abraham Lincoln can close the divide.

Writer: Rachel Sweet, Bill Prady, Jenna Bruce
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: J.D. Walsh (Donald) , Kristen Zang, Laura Stone, Melanie Sirmons, Keary Jenkins, Ryan Stiles, Ryan Stiles (Abraham Lincoln)

82. The Box
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 1/16/2001 Production Code: 4ABD14
Dharma begins to come unglued when she can't figure out what Greg has locked away in his box of mementos; and Larry makes a big deal out of finding a little something for Abby.

Writer: Susan Beavers, Dava Savel, Chuck Lorre
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Earl Billings (Fred), Diana Castle (Yvonne), Tim Maculan (Charles), Julio Oscar Mechoso (Father Rodriguez)

83. Let's Get Fiscal
Community Score8.1
Great
First aired: 1/30/2001 Production Code: 4ABD15
Dharma regretfully seeks Edward's business advice when the co-op's slush fund comes up empty, and Greg works with a very successful attorney whom Dharma used to date.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci), Kathryn Joosten (Claire) , Andrew Shaifer (Nick), Vernee Watson-Johnson (Ms. Vialla), Don McManus (Tobias), Scott Berman (Customer)

84. Educating Dharma (1)
Community Score7.4
Good
First aired: 2/6/2001 Production Code: 4ABD10
When Dharma decides to go to college, she meets a professor who stirs some feelings that could disrupt her marriage.

Writer: Susan Beavers, Don Foster
Director: Chuck Lorre
Guest star: Helen Greenberg (Marci) , Kevin Sorbo (Charlie), Googy Gress (Roland Hal), Jim O'Heir (Chief Anderson), Travis Wester (Brandon)

85. Educating Dharma (2)
Community Score7.9
Good
First aired: 2/13/2001 Production Code: 4ABD11
Dharma must come to terms with her own guilt about Charlie, and resolve which direction the relationship will take.

Writer: Don Foster, Jenna Bruce, Susan Beavers
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Helen Greenberg (Marci), Susan Chuang (Susan) , Kevin Sorbo (Charlie), Travis Wester (Brandon), Scott Alan Smith (Waiter)

86. Dharma Does Dallas
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 2/20/2001 Production Code: 4ABD16
Dharma gets to know Greg's dysfunctional cousins and in-laws just in time to keep Edward from making a huge mistake in choosing his successor as head of the firm.

Writer: Bill Prady, Eddie Gorodetsky
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Katherine Disque (Marilyn), Morgan Fairchild (Jackie), Bill Glass (Brent), Matthew Ashford (Trey), Danielle Bisutti (Joy), Leslie Charleson (Katherine), Julie Pinson (Cici), John Schafer (Nick), Kristin Bauer (Stephanie)

87. Judy & Greg
Community Score8.8
Great
First aired: 3/13/2001 Production Code: 4ABD17
Fleeing from Kitty's talk on popular restoration of Victoria architecture, Dharma drags Greg into a neighboring high-school reunion for the class of '81, assuming the identities of no-shows Todd and Judy. She is not pleased to discover that everyone present loathes "Judy" for the terrible things she did to them in high school, and decides the universe wants her to make amends by visiting each of Judy's former victims and apologizing. When this doesn't work out, she tracks down the actual Judy for a confrontation. Meanwhile, Larry offers Edward tips on how to revitalize the sexual side of his marriage, and encourages Abby to do the same for Kitty -- but their advice ("let the other make the first move") leads to stalemate.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Eddie Gorodetsky
Director: Jonathan Schmock
Guest star: Tracey Ellis (Sandy), Rich Cooper (Anthony), Anne Haney (Mrs. Kirby), Tracy Ellis (Sandy), Bonita Friedericy (Paula), Peter MacKenzie (Matthew), Nealla Gordon (Kathy), Dina Sherman (Sister Alice), Rebecca Staab (Judy)

88. Do the Hustle
Community Score7.9
Good
First aired: 3/27/2001 Production Code: 4ABD09
Dharma finds a way to bond with Kitty – and score some cash – after unleashing her mother-in-law's secret skills as a pool player. Greg, meanwhile, races around town to find a replacement rat after killing his wife's beloved house pest.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Sid Youngers
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: P.J. Marino, Adam Vernier (Justin), Tony Ketcham (Mike), Mark Christopher Lawrence (Arnold), Mike Barger (Sweet Lou)

89. For Pete's Sake
Community Score8.4
Great
First aired: 4/3/2001 Production Code: 4ABD18
In an effort to boost Pete's confidence, Dharma makes the naïve mistake of convincing Greg to leave the practice in Pete's very incapable hands while Greg is away on his two-week army reserve duty.

Writer: Susan Beavers, Julie Ann Larson
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene), Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci), Kathryn Joosten (Claire) , Troy Blendell (Joel), Ajgie Kirkland (Ranger)

90. Kitty Dearest
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 4/10/2001 Production Code: 4ABD19
Greg loses his cool with Kitty after another one of her annoying charity events, creating a cold front between the stubborn mother and son. While Dharma tries to bring back the love, Kitty goes out and gets herself a better little boy.

Writer: Bill Prady, Jenna Bruce
Director: Joel Murray
Guest star: Scott Thompson (David), Nancy Liardi (Woman), Devon Alan (Tayler)

91. The Story of K
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 4/24/2001 Production Code: 4ABD20
Kitty's swing at writing erotica leaves Edward exhausted, while her editor (Dharma) finds that the work suffers when the couple plays too much. Meanwhile, Greg avoids the issue entirely by submersing himself into building a model ship.

Writer: Bill Prady, Susan Beavers
Director: Thomas Gibson
Guest star: Kathryn Joosten (Claire), Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Sharon Madden (Joyce), Tony Ranaudo (Man), Billy West (Horse)

92. Pride and Prejudice
Community Score7.7
Good
First aired: 5/1/2001 Production Code: 4ABD21
Dharma's paranoia reaches a new height when she discovers her own prejudice against little people.

Writer: Rachel Sweet, Eddie Gorodetsky
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Mark Povinelli (Ray), Meredith Eaton-Gilden (Kate Palmer), Larry Michelson (Sid)

93. How This Happened
Community Score8.4
Great
First aired: 5/8/2001 Production Code: 4ABD24
While converting an abandoned piece of land owned by Edward's company into a community garden, Dharma discovers a cash deposit bag lost decades ago. The bag traces back to a man who was falsely accused of stealing it (Edward Asner) and subsequently fired, setting Dharma on a mission to right a wrong.

Writer: Don Foster, Sid Youngers
Director: Jonathan Schmock
Guest star: Kathryn Joosten (Claire), Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci) , Andy Milder (Russell Gottlieb), Gloria LeRoy (Jeannette), Stuart Pankin (Mr Gottlieb), John Mendoza (Jimmy), Patrick Y. Malone (Alvin), Christopher Michael (DEA Agent), Clint Jones (Stunt DEA Agent #1), Jean-Michel Casanova (Stunt DEA Agent #2), Robert Mukes (Mac), Edward Asner (Earl Tucker)

94. The End of the Innocence (1)
Community Score8.1
Great
First aired: 5/15/2001 Production Code: 4ABD22
Dharma drags Greg to a kooky couples counselor after he finds a lost love letter from her old college tutor. But when she refuses to avoid her other man, Greg takes a stand that could cause a parting of ways for the mismatched pair.

Writer: Bill Prady, Rachel Sweet
Director: Ted Lange
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan) , Kirstie Alley (Dr. Trish), Kevin Sorbo (Charlie), Steven Banks (Phil)

95. The End of the Innocence (2)
Community Score8.4
Great 1
review
First aired: 5/22/2001 Production Code: 4ABD23
After catching Dharma innocently hanging out with her old college tutor---and failed suitor---Charlie, an enraged Greg moves out. Then the misunderstanding turns into a crisis as they both get caught up in the planning of their mutual friends' impending wedding, compelling Greg to seriously reevaluate his own crazy marriage. But when he finally sees the light, it may be too late.

Writer: Don Foster, Sid Youngers
Director: Joel Murray
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci), Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , Harvey J. Alperin (Rabbi), Kevin Sorbo (Charlie), Gabriella Bern (Magda), Andy Milder (Russell), Jeanne Chin (Wei-Hsi), Rebecca Lin (Li-Li), Stuart Pankin (Mr Gottlieg), Raymond Ma (Mr Wong), Masi Oka (Nies Jin), Lucille Soong (Mrs Wong), Jeanne Chinn (Wei Hui)

----------------

96. Intensive Caring
Community Score8.0
Great
First aired: 9/25/2001 Production Code: 5ABD01
The fifth season begins in the aftermath of last May's car crash, with both sets of parents arriving at the hospital and Dharma just out of surgery and groggy from anesthesia. The car accident has left Dharma with a fractured hip and temporarily confined to a wheelchair. Greg, who fared better with just a few minor cuts, mostly feels guilt, and tries to maintain a "structured" approach to Dharma's recovery which, unfortunately for her, doesn't allow for skipping physical therapy appointments in favor of wheelchair-tongue-depressor relay races down the hospital halls. For her part, Abby believes that crystals and chants around her daughter's bed might help. Larry calls it a "healing ceremony"; Greg calls it "voodoo."

Writer: Bill Prady, Don Foster
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Floyd 'Red Crow' Westerman (George), Bob Morrisey (Dr. Coleman), Anne Elizabeth Ramsay (Nancy), David Silver

97. With a Little Help From My Friend
Community Score7.9
Good
First aired: 9/25/2001 Production Code: 5ABD02
Dharma decides that her accident must be a manifestation of the universe shuffling her cosmic deck of cards so that she can help people—from the hospital, physical therapy, insurance company, etc.—whom she otherwise wouldn't have met. Yet while Dharma loves giving help to others, she's not nearly as fond of accepting it for herself, even when she's in a wheelchair. Meanwhile, Greg deals with an insurance problem—the company has paid them twice by mistake, but won't listen to his attempts to explain.

Writer: Rachel Sweet, Susan Beavers
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci) , Mitzi McCall (Florence), Romy Rosemont (Martha), Terry Rhoads (Kevin), Anne Elizabeth Ramsay (Nancy), Phill Lewis (Mr. Walder), Scott Adsit (Howard), Shae D'Lyn (Jane)

98. Papa Was Almost a Rolling Stone
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 10/2/2001 Production Code: 5ABD03
Dharma learns that her dad, Larry, used to sing and play guitar in a band but gave it all up when she was born. Feeling guilty, she tries to convince him to perform again. Meanwhile, Larry and Abby set up some old pirate radio broadcasting equipment in Dharma's living room to give her something to do while she's recuperating. Initially, Greg scoffs at "Radio Dharma," but one on-air debate with a caller later and he's hooked. Meanwhile, Edward's old running suit hits a sour note with Kitty when it is discovered "lost" in a box of Greg's old possessions, and Edward refuses to stop wearing it.

Writer: Don Foster, Sid Youngers
Director: Joel Murray
Guest star: Helen Greenberg (Marci), Don Cummings (Waiter) , Adrian Bewley (Singer), Holly Gagnier (Voice of Tina)

99. Sexual Healing
Community Score8.4
Great
First aired: 10/9/2001 Production Code: 5ABD04
At the same time that Dharma's doctor gives her permission to resume sexual relations, Greg sees their totaled car for the first time since the accident and learns that the insurance adjuster ruled it a case of reckless driving. Now completely guilt-ridden and overly cautious, Greg's unable to enjoy Dharma's romantic advances. Meanwhile, Edward wants Larry to return the rundown desk chair of his that Kitty attempted to throw out. While at first annoyed by Larry's insistence that they play games for the ownership of the chair, Edward grows to enjoy Larry's company.

Writer: Jamie Gorenberg, Bill Prady, Don Foster
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Anne Elizabeth Ramsay (Nancy), Bob Morrisey (Dr. Coleman), Ben Livingston (Ted)

100. Without Reservations
Community Score7.8
Good
First aired: 10/16/2001 Production Code: 5ABD05
Greg doesn't put out a welcome mat when Dharma turns their place into a temporary bed-and-breakfast.

Writer: Del Shores, Jenna Bruce
Director: Jonathan Schmock
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci) , Anne Elizabeth Ramsay (Nancy), Jane Carr (Lorraine), Bernard Fox (Henry), Robin Strasser (Teensy Manhart), Michael Fairman (Porter), Lili Haydn (Violinist)

101. Try to Remember This Kind of September
Community Score8.2
Great
First aired: 10/23/2001 Production Code: 5ABD06
Dharma finds herself inadvertently trying to compete with a visiting childhood friend. Dharma and September grew up together in a commune, and September has remained loyal to her nonconformist ways, such as preparing a salad with greens that "were growing in the cracks in the sidewalk" and singing songs taught her by Nelson Mandela. Feeling guilty over how much her own life has changed, Dharma decides to get back to basics. First, she simplifies her wardrobe; then she wonders what else she and Greg can do without—like maybe electricity, or at least Greg's beloved television (just before the Superbowl). But what worries her most is a suspicion that September may have designs on Larry. And she's right—but they're not what she fears.

Writer: David Babcock, Maxine Lapiduss
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Juliette Lewis (September), Billy West (Radio/TV Announcer)

102. Used Karma
Community Score8.2
Great
First aired: 10/30/2001 Production Code: 5ABD07
When Greg starts to dress and act strangely after driving the used car Dharma recently bought, she worries he's been possessed by the spirit of the car's previous owner, a petty criminal and gambler who met an untimely death. Meanwhile, Edward has Larry set up a security camera at his house to help catch the kid who eggs his house every Halloween, but the "trick" is still on him.

Writer: David Babcock
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan), Don Cummings (Waiter) , Grady Hutt (Kyle), Camille Anderson (Pete's Girlfriend)

103. Home is Where the Art Is
Community Score8.1
Great
First aired: 11/13/2001 Production Code: 5ABD08
An old performance artist friend of Dharma's who convinces her to co-star with him in his latest work: To live "on display" in an art gallery 24 hours a day for a week. Needless to say, Greg's not thrilled with her decision, and father-in-law Larry's moving in with him doesn't help matters.

Writer: Sid Youngers, Ed Yeager
Director: Ted Lange
Guest star: Bodhi Elfman (Terry), Fred Stoller (Barry), Cathy Herd (Pamela)

104. Wish We Weren't Here
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 11/20/2001 Production Code: 5ABD09
Bad weather grounds Dharma and Greg's plans of flying to Indiana. As they are stuck, they have some interesting events.

Writer: Bill Prady, Jenna Bruce
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Pat Benatar (Herself), Neil Giraldo (Himself), Sarah Lancaster (Wendy), Jack Impellizzeri (Darryl), Tim Bagley (Nelson), Debra Christofferson (Marilyn), Octavia Spencer (Gloria), Stacey Travis (Lois), Billy West

105. Dream A Little Dream of Her
Community Score8.3
Great
First aired: 11/27/2001 Production Code: 5ABD10
Dharma tries to learn the identity of Greg's fantasy girl; Greg's truthfulness upsets things at his parents' place.

Writer: Del Shores, Susan Beavers
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia), Susan Chuang (Susan) , Erik Stabeanu (Stunt Waiter), Bobbie Phillips (Anna), Nadja Salerno-Sonnenberg (Herself)

106. A Fish Tale
Community Score8.8
Great
First aired: 12/4/2001 Production Code: 5ABD11
Animal-rights activist Abby bans Greg from the Finkelstein home when she learns he and Edward are going fishing.

Writer: Rachel Sweet, Jamie Greenberg
Director: Thomas Gibson
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , William Marquez (Miguel)

107. Previously on "Dharma & Greg"
Community Score8.8
Great
First aired: 12/11/2001 Production Code: 5ABD12
Greg proposing to another woman? Dharma bringing another man home to meet the folks? This landmark flashback episode takes place six months prior to the series pilot and shows Dharma and Greg's lives before they met and married on their first date. Share in Kitty's chagrin as Greg breaks up with his debutante fiancée, and join Larry as he watches Dharma leave a great guy who "refuses to get a job."

Writer: David Babcock, Susan Beavers
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Michael Luckerman (Toad), Steve Hytner (William), Rosemary Alexander (Rosemary), Todd Stashwick (Gunther), Eliza Coyle (Barbara)

108. Protecting the Ego-System
Community Score8.4
Great
First aired: 1/8/2002 Production Code: 5ABD13
Kitty brings Dharma to the ground-breaking ceremony of her arch-nemesis Teensy Manhart's new outdoor amphitheater. But Dharma takes a flying leap into the path of the spade in protest when she realizes the theater's intended site is a precious wetland. Abby, Larry and Ed Begley, Jr., a well-known environmental activist, join in her protest.

Writer: Sid Youngers, Ed Yeager
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Robin Strasser (Teensy Manhart), Ed Begley Jr. (Himself)

109. Near-Death of a Salesman
Community Score8.8
Great
First aired: 3/5/2002 Production Code: 5ABD14
A heart attack scare during Larry's business pitch for his chili causes Edward to reminisce about a simpler time in his life, when he wasn't a high-pressured "captain of industry" merely acquiring and merging other companies. Trying to persuade him to adopt an easier life, Dharma is taken aback when Edward seizes command of a mall sports shoe outlet owned by his company and happily settles in as a crackerjack shoe salesman—until Kitty finds out. Meanwhile, picking up papers that need Edward's signature, Greg gets a taste of what life would be like as his father's business successor; and realizes (as Kitty angrily tells Dharma) that the real reason Edward hasn't retired is because he is waiting for Greg to take his place. Dharma sympathizes with Greg about abandoning the practice he has built up over the past year—but since this seems to consist of crabby Marlene mismanaging the office and Pete "teaching" three gorgeous young women a "course" in sexual harassment, perhaps the transition won't be so hard after all.

Writer: Don Foster, Susan Beavers
Director: Joel Murray
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene), Shirley Prestia (Janet) , Terry Rhoads (Howard), T.J. Thyne (Vaughn), Gwen McGee (Nurse), Thomas Crawford (Customer), Kevin Dunighan (Customer #2)

110. It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's ... My Wife
Community Score8.1
Great
First aired: 3/12/2002 Production Code: 5ABD15
Dharma is the inspiration for her nerdy neighbor/admirer's new comic book heroine, the Blonde Tornado, a sexy, crime-fighting superwoman. While Dharma enjoys her newfound stardom, Greg's life whirls out of control after a newspaper photo of a burglary hails her as a real life hero and him as her cowardly sidekick.

Writer: Susan Beavers, Jamie Gorenberg
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene), J.D. Walsh (Donald), Shirley Prestia (Janet) , Terry Rhoads (Howard), Daniel R. Escobar (Lorenzo), Toshi Toda (Mr. Verapong), Chris Durand (Man), Michael Beardsley (Toby the "Storm Chaser")

111. I Think, Therefore I Am in Trouble
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 3/19/2002 Production Code: 5ABD016
Supermodel Claudia Schiffer guest stars as Gretchen, a drop-dead gorgeous new lawyer in Greg's office about whom he's having sexual fantasies. Guilt-ridden over his inappropriate thoughts—especially since it's his "four-and-a-half-year anniversary" with Dharma—Greg tries desperately to get Gretchen off his mind, to no avail.

Writer: Maxine Lapiduss, Jamie Gorenberg
Director: Chuck Lorre
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci), Shirley Prestia (Janet) , Claudia Schiffer (Gretchen), Erick Avari (Lalit), Dennis Cockrum (Ty Cobb)

112. She's with the Band
Community Score7.6
Good
First aired: 3/26/2002 Production Code: 5ABD017
After suddenly joining a rock band that includes the rebellious teenage daughter of one of Greg's clients, Dharma invites the musicians to live with her and Greg.

Writer: Del Shores, Eddie Gorodetsky
Director: Jonathan Schmock
Guest star: Shirley Prestia (Janet) , Jenna Leigh Green (Kelly), Jodi Lyn O'Keefe (Simone), John Aylward (Kenneth), Kathleen Noone (Kathy), Todd Giebenhain (Jared)

113. Mission: Implausible
Community Score9.0
Superb
First aired: 4/2/2002 Production Code: 5ABD018
A visit from Rick, a younger alumnus from Greg's law school, launches an unsuspecting Greg into the middle of a crazy college game with very specific rules developed by "seriously drunk" undergraduates. Despite Greg's reluctance to engage in a college prank at this stage in his life, Dharma leaves him no choice when she rallies the gang to help him win back his championship title in a relatively amusing parody of Mission: Impossible.

Meanwhile, security guard Larry is disturbed when his supervisor Walter points out that he gets special treatment because his daughter is married to the boss's son. When Larry demands Edward rescind all special treatment, Walter obligingly fires Larry.

Writer: Sid Youngers, David Babcock
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci) , James Avery (Walter), Corbin Allred (Rick Sanderson), John Mendoza (Doorman), Jodi Lyn O'Keefe (Simone), Dick Clark (Himself)

114. This Diamond Ring
Community Score8.1
Great
First aired: 4/2/2002 Production Code: 5ABD019
When Dharma discovers that her drivers license has expired, Greg demands that she be a little more responsible—which is when Dharma discovers she has lost the priceless family heirloom diamond ring Kitty gave her. She discovers it on the roof, coated with tar; and when she takes it to a jeweler for cleaning, she learns it is, in fact, just a really good fake, leading to a confrontation with Kitty. Meanwhile, Pete turns to Dharma for help in getting Gretchen to go out with him. Her simple, sound advice works... Soon Gretchen is head-over-heels for Pete—and he can't stand it. Also, we see Marlene as a judgmental book clerk, and learn that Greg has finally fired her.

Writer: Bill Prady, Don Foster
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , Claudia Schiffer (Gretchen), Mary Gross (Mary), William Mesnik (Frank), Victor Raider-Wexler (Leo)

115. The Tooth Is Out There
Community Score7.9
Good
First aired: 4/9/2002 Production Code: 5ABD020
Dharma encourages Larry to ask his brother George for a loan to buy Larry's favorite conspiracy bookshop; when strange things start to go wrong, Dharma suspects that George is plotting to undermine Larry's success. Her efforts to uncover the plot mean she must undergo multiple dental procedures at George's office, but seem to be justified when the store mysteriously burns down just before the grand re-opening. Meanwhile, Kitty tries to revitalize her love life by making Edward jealous—claiming that her car attendant keeps leaving red roses on the seat for her.

Writer: Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Mitch Pileggi (Himself), George Wyner (Herb), William Sanderson (Mike), Danny Mora (Manuel), Jim Meskimen (Fire Inspector)

116. The Parent Trap
Community Score8.3
Great
First aired: 4/16/2002 Production Code: 5ABD021
While Kitty prepares to renew her marriage vows, Dharma entertains Marlene's parents.

Writer: Susan Beavers, Del Shores
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , Florence Stanley (Rose Hoffman), Victor Raider-Wexler (Marty Hoffman)

117. Tuesday's Child
Community Score9.0
Superb 1
review
First aired: 4/23/2002 Production Code: 5ABD022
A little girl forms an attachment to Dharma and Greg; Kitty is ordered to perform community service.

Writer: David Babcock, Sid Youngers, Jenna Bruce
Director: Joel Murray
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci) , Julie Tofukuji, Rosalind Chao (Patricia), Billy Mayo (Policeman), Marcy Goldman (Caroline)

118. The Mamas and the Papas (1)
Community Score8.6
Great 2
reviews
First aired: 4/30/2002 Production Code: 5ABD023
In the first part of this special one-hour season and series finale, Dharma and Greg find themselves once again trying to make peace between their polar opposite parents when an argument breaks out over whether the couple will vacation with the Finkelstein’s or the Montgomery’s. Dharma tries to appease both sides by arranging for everyone to spend the weekend at the Montgomery’s mountain chalet, but when the usual bickering and insults kick into high gear, it finally sends Dharma and Greg over the edge. Meanwhile, back at the office, Pete is left in charge of a routine SEC inspection, but when the agent turns out to be beautiful and female, he invents wild stories about inside trading... oh, just fast forward.

Writer: Maxine Lapiduss, Ed Yeager
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene), Shirley Prestia (Janet) , Anne-Marie Johnson (Laura), Daphnée Duplaix Samuel (Laura), Christopher Michael (Man #1), Tony Ervolina (Man #2)

119. The Mamas and the Papas (2)
Community Score8.6
Great 1
review
First aired: 4/30/2002 Production Code: 5ABD024
Dharma & Greg get stuck in a snowstorm after leaving the chalet and begin to wonder how their diverse upbringings will affect them as parents.

Writer: Don Foster, Del Shores
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , Daphnée Duplaix Samuel (Laura), Christopher Michael (Man #1), Tony Ervolina (Man #2)

----------------

END

dharma greg background

2007-12-29T18:58:00.000+09:00

Golden Globe nominee Jenna Elfman ("ed TV") and Thomas Gibson (Stanley Kubrick's "Eyes Wide Shut") star in the romantic half-hour comedy, "Dharma & Greg." The series celebrates the power of true love to overcome the obstacles in a marriage of opposites. Despite the challenges of a marriage that began on their first date, Dharma and Greg remain truly in love.

Elfman is Dharma Finkelstein, a free-spirited San Francisco yoga instructor/dog trainer. Raised by bohemian parents, Dharma approaches everything with unbridled passion, honesty and openness. Since childhood, Dharma was taught to shun convention, trust her wildest instincts and truly find the joy in each day of her life.

Gibson is Greg Montgomery, an conventional, but surprisingly open-minded, Harvard-educated U.S. Attorney, who still finds Dharma's energy absolutely irresistible. By following Dharma's advice to listen to his heart over his head, Greg found the love of his life and entered a world he never imagined.

Love at first sight is a concept Dharma takes very seriously, and when she first lays eyes on Greg Montgomery, a Harvard-educated U.S. Attorney, she's sure he's the one. Despite the fact they come from completely different worlds, the feeling is mutual. Greg finds Dharma's energy irresistible and before their first date is over -- the two are married.

Dharma's counter-culture parents, Abby (Mimi Kennedy) and Larry (Alan Rachins), struggle to keep their daughter from being swallowed into the "dark side," as they see Greg's country-club family. At the same time, Greg's uptight, blue-blood parents, Kitty (Susan Sullivan) and Edward (Mitchell Ryan), encourage the young couple toward a more "normal" way of life or, failing that, try to keep their daughter-in-law from dancing naked on the roof.

And so continues the celebration and challenge of the lives and marriage of Dharma and Greg, two romance-fated opposites completely committed to each other despite the insanity of their respective dysfunctional families and craziness of the world around them.

"Dharma & Greg" also stars Joel Murray as Pete and Shae D'Lyn as Jane. Executive produced by Chuck Lorre, Dottie Dartland, Brian Medavoy and Erwin More, the series was created by Chuck Lorre and Dottie Dartland. Bill Prady and Regina Stewart serve as co-executive producers and Randy Cordray serves as producer. Filmed in Los Angeles in front of an audience, "Dharma & Greg" is a Chuck Lorre Production and a 4 to 6 Foot Production in association with 20th Century Fox Television.

dharma greg 1-3 transcript

2007-12-29T18:54:00.000+09:00

"Shower the People You Love With Love" Original Airdate: 10/8/97

DHARMA: Shh! Shh! My parents don't know you're with me in my tent in the backyard. We have to be very, very quiet.

GREG: Wait, I thought this was an army tent.

DHARMA: Oh, right. I forgot.

DHARMA: Sergeant Greg, I know our love is wrong...but I can't help myself. Kiss me. On the double.

GREG: Where exactly would that be, Captain?

DHARMA: Aah! Aah!

[Knock on door]

DHARMA: I'll get it, I'll get it!

GREG: Dharma!

DHARMA: Aah! Aah! Superman! Ahh!

BRIAN: Hey.

DHARMA: Hi.

BRIAN: Am I...Early?

DHARMA: For what?

BRIAN: Um, we had a date.

DHARMA: Oh! Right! I forgot to call you.

BRIAN: Uh-huh.

DHARMA: I got married.

BRIAN: M-m-married?

DHARMA: That's my husband Greg.

GREG: Hi.

BRIAN: Don't get up.

GREG: Wasn't planning on it.

BRIAN: Uh, I'm sorry, man, I, uh, I wouldn't have asked her out if I knew she was engaged.

DHARMA: Oh, no, we weren't engaged. I just met Greg-- what was it, honey, last Friday?

GREG: Yeah, last Friday.

BRIAN: I met you Thursday.

GREG: You snooze, you lose.

OPENING CREDITS AND THEME

DHARMA: Are you sure? "Dog eat dog world"?

GREG: Absolutely. That's the expression.

DHARMA: Come on. It's not...a "doggie dog world"?

GREG: No, it's not.

DHARMA: Ready?

GREG: Clear.

DHARMA: I mean, it doesn't make any sense to me. Have you ever even seen a dog eat another dog?

GREG: Ready?

DHARMA: Clear.

GREG: No, but it's still a dog eat dog world. It means the world's a tough place, it's every man for himself, it's kill or be killed.

DHARMA: What do killer bees have to do with it?

GREG: Aah!

DHARMA: Aah! Oh!

DHARMA: Mmm...Ready?

GREG: Dharma, this isn't going to work.

DHARMA: Sure it is, you'll toughen up.

GREG: No, I mean the whole bath thing.

GREG: I need a shower so I can stand up and wash myself in the right order.

DHARMA: You have an order for washing your body?

GREG: Yeah. I mean it's basically top to bottom, and then you double back for the-- it's not important.

DHARMA: Ah, that's the same order you use for everything, isn't it?

JANE: Hey, Dharma.

DHARMA: Hey, Jane.

GREG: Uh, Jane?

JANE: Oh, sorry. Hi, Greg. I thought it over.

JANE: I decided I'll be your maid of honor.

DHARMA: Rock 'n roll. Right!

GREG: Hello!

JANE: I said hello. So, what do I gotta do?

DHARMA: You gotta wear a really heinous dress.

JANE: Cool. I've got a butt-ugly green one.

DHARMA: Too late, Greg's mom already got you a butt-ugly purple one.

GREG: All right, that's it. I give up. Everybody gets to see Greg naked!

JANE: I've gotta warn you, I grew up around horses.

DHARMA: I think he wants us to leave.

JANE: But he said everybody--

DHARMA: I know, but he also says "dog eat dog world".

JANE: Dog eat dog?

DHARMA: No, it's doggie dog.

DHARMA: Hey, what are you doing today?

JANE: Gonna hang out at fisherman's wharf, give tourists bad directions. Why?

DHARMA: Well, Greg's playing golf with his dad and my dad.

JANE: That sounds like a bad idea.

DHARMA: I know. But, I want to surprise him and put in a shower while he's gone. You want to help?

JANE: I don't know.

DHARMA: It means a trip to the hardware store.

JANE: Well...

DHARMA: We can use our phony English accents.

JANE: London or Liverpool?

DHARMA: I say, guv'nor, 'ave you any 'ammers or brass 'inges? It's for me 'ouse.

JANE: [Cockney accent] alrighty, then. But this time, I'm the 'umpback, and I'm...

JANE: [Yelling] 'ard of 'earing!

DHARMA: [Cockney accent] what?

JANE: I said, I'm 'ard of 'earing!

DHARMA: 'Ello, 'usband!

GREG: Hello, deaf cockney hunchbacks.

EDWARD: I can't believe I let you talk me into this.

GREG: Dad, he's my father-in-law. We've got this big wedding reception coming up. We're all going to have to learn to be civil to each other.

EDWARD: Of course I'll be civil to the man. Old hippie buffoon.

GREG: Ok, great. Now, when he gets here, think "old hippie buffoon," but say "Larry."

PETE: Hey, Greg.

GREG: Hey, Pete.

PETE: Hey, Mr. M. So I hear we're playing with Jerry Garcia today, huh?

EDWARD: Who's Jerry Garcia?

PETE: Oh, this is going to be fun.

GREG: Pete, you're going to have to help me with these guys.

PETE: If you recall, I tried to help you. I said, "do not do this."

LARRY: Man, this is a truly righteous country club you got here.

EDWARD: Thank you...Larry.

LARRY: Of course, if you Republicans have your way on immigration, you'll be parking your own cars.

GREG: Mr. Finkelstein, I'd like you to meet my friend from work--Pete.

LARRY: Another lawyer. Better put my wallet in my front pocket.

EDWARD: That's very amusing... Larry.

GREG: I wonder if I have time to take a shower before we tee off?

EDWARD: No, no, no, you do not have time to take a shower. Why didn't you do it at home?

GREG: Dharma's place doesn't have a shower. I had to take a bath.

LARRY: What's wrong with a bath?

EDWARD: Well, for one thing, he can't wash himself in the proper order.

LARRY: Gee, I always preferred a bath. It's very soothing.

LARRY: A little sea salt, some oil...

EDWARD: Add a carrot and a chicken neck, and you've got soup...Larry.

PETE: It's going well. They're exchanging recipes.

EDWARD: Son, why don't you and Dharma get an apartment with a shower?

GREG: I can't ask Dharma to move. She loves the place. She practically built it herself.

EDWARD: Yeah, you're right. You don't want to get in any big emotional discussions.

EDWARD: Why don't you just make up some, I don't know, medical reason you won't live there.

LARRY: You want him to lie to my daughter?

EDWARD: It's not a lie if it's for the greater good.

LARRY: Oh, where have we heard that before?

EDWARD: What are you talking about?

LARRY: A little place called Vietnam, my friend.

PETE: Hey, who would have seen that coming, huh?

EDWARD: What do you know about Vietnam?

EDWARD: You weren't even there.

LARRY: I know it wasn't about communism. It was about Mr. Corporate America finding a place to sell their sody-pop and tobacky!

PETE: And next, we put clubs in their hands.

GREG: Thanks...Pete.

DHARMA: All right, boys... Mommy's going to the hardware store. So, remember the rules. Play nice with each other.

Stinky, don't open the door for anyone, and Nunzio, stay out of the liquor cabinet.

DHARMA: You remember what happened last time.

[Telephone rings]

DHARMA: Ugh! Hello?

KITTY: Dharma, dear, it's Kitty Montgomery, Gregory's mother.

DHARMA: It's Kitty Montgomery, Gregory's mother.

JANE: Oh, that Kitty Montgomery.

KITTY: Dharma, for some reason the dressmaker insists she needs to see the wedding gown on you. Could you be a dove and hop by?

DHARMA: You know what? I'd love to, but my maid of honor and I are just out the door trying to get stuff for our shower.

KITTY: You're having a shower?

DHARMA: Yeah!

KITTY: When?

DHARMA: Well, we're hoping today.

KITTY: Today? Well, you just can't do it like that. I mean, how are people supposed to know about it?

DHARMA: I just figured they'd open the door, and bam! There it would be.

[Kitty Sighs]

KITTY: Oh, you...unusual girl. Is your mother going to help you?

DHARMA: Yeah, she read up on it in one of those Time-Life books.

KITTY: Oh, my god. Well, I--I'll be over right after lunch, and I'll show you what to do.

DHARMA: Great! Thanks so much. We'll see you then. Bye.

JANE: [Cockney accent] Kitty-Montgomery-Gregory's-mother is coming over?

DHARMA: Yeah, she's going to help us with the shower.

JANE: Why?

DHARMA: I don't know. She's probably one of those rich ladies who's into plumbing.

JANE: What?

DHARMA: [Yelling] I said, she's probably one of those rich ladies who's into plumbing!

JANE: Oh!

EDWARD: They started it by attacking a peaceful vessel in the Gulf of Tokin.

LARRY: Oh, please. The Gulf of Tokin incident was invented to win over Congress.

EDWARD: We were responding to attacks on our servicemen.

GREG: Pete, I'm, uh, thinking of killing myself with a golf club. Any suggestions?

PETE: Your first instinct would be to go with a 3 wood, maybe even a driver, but that might bounce right off the skull.

GREG: Really?

PETE: Yeah. Instead, consider a short iron, maybe a pitching wedge. That will split the skull, lodge right in the brain.

GREG: A wedge it is.

LARRY: I'll have you know, I was in Canada--

EDWARD: You were in Canada because you didn't have guts enough to put on a uniform and fight.

LARRY: Are you calling me a coward?

EDWARD: I'm just saying that all of your pacifism is just a bunch of hokum.

LARRY: How can you call me a coward when you don't even have the courage to just come out and call me a coward?

GREG: Ok, everyone's a coward.

GREG: Let's go find our balls.

DHARMA: Yeah!

JANE: It's out of the box!Whoo! Girls rule!

ABBY: Yay!

KITTY: All right, I brought invitation samples from my printer--please, pick something simple. My caterer has prepared a choice of

hors d'oeuvres, and, needless to say, the right hors d'oeuvres make the bridal shower. Oh, my god.

KITTY: It's a shower shower!

DHARMA: Ain't she a peach! Whooo! Aaah!

LARRY: All I'm saying is, if the cause had been just, I could have gone into Vietnam and done exactly what you did.

EDWARD: Are you saying you could have been a Green Beret?

LARRY: Absolutely!

GREG: That's it! I've been listening to this long enough. I cannot believe that my father and my father-in-law don't have the decency to

at least pretend to get along for one lousy afternoon.

EDWARD: You couldn't be a Green Beret at a Halloween party.

GREG: Come on, Pete.

PETE: Aren't you even going to hit? Ooh, you got all of that one.

GREG: Get in the cart.

EDWARD: All right, you're in the Mekong Delta, V.C. Everywhere. Your only chance of survival is diving into a rice paddy and holding

your breath for 4 minutes.

LARRY: 4 Minutes?

[Takes several deep breaths]

LARRY: Piece of cake.

DHARMA: Aw, don't worry, Kitty. A lot of words have 2 meanings. Like if we had said, "Kitty, get over here--and fast."

Do we mean, "and hurry," or do we mean, "Kitty, get over here and don't eat for a long time"?

ABBY: And I love these little cucumber sandwiches.

JANE: Really? I vote for the cheese things.

KITTY: There is no vote because there is no shower!

ABBY: Um, Kitty, would you like maybe something to drink, or--I just juiced some cabbage.

KITTY: No, thank you. Actually, I, uh, I have to go. I have, uh...to go.

KITTY: Dharma, I'm sure I'm going to regret asking this, but why are you installing a shower?

DHARMA: Don't got one.

ABBY: Yeah, but she does have the bathtub from our old place in Half Moon Bay. I gave birth to her in that tub.

KITTY: And that's where Gregory bathes?

JANE: Yup. Seen it with my own eyes.

KITTY: Why do you people live like this?

DHARMA: 'Cause you can't camp on the beach anymore. Besides, Kitty, I love it here.

DHARMA: I mean, I did all of this work myself. Did you know this used to be a battery factory?

KITTY: Aha! And to your credit, you've nearly disguised that fact.

DHARMA: Thanks. I just wish once I get this shower installed, that Greg'll feel more at home.

KITTY: So you're doing this for Gregory?

DHARMA: Yeah. I want him to feel totally comfortable.

KITTY: Dharma, if you will indulge me in a brief outing,

KITTY: I believe I can show you how to make Gregory comfortable.

DHARMA: Anybody in for an outing?

ABBY: Sure.

JANE: Oh, man, don't eat the beige ones!

LARRY: Eh! Yah!

EDWARD: What the hell did you do that for?

LARRY: No reason. It's called psychological warfare, my friend. And now, this soldier is in your head. I own you.

EDWARD: You're out of your mind!

LARRY: Maybe. Maybe not. Spooky, huh?

EDWARD: That's not soldiering. We're talking about actual combat. I'm talking about creeping up on the enemy and taking him out.

LARRY: Ok. You see that foursome over there?

EDWARD: Yeah.

LARRY: You see the fat guy with the bad rug?

EDWARD: Oh, it's Dick Lawrence. He's a cardiologist.

EDWARD: Hey, Dick!

LARRY: Right now, he's "charlie." And that beaver pelt on his head is going home in a bag.

EDWARD: No, you lunatic! He's on the membership committee!

LARRY: What's the matter? Afraid I'm going to beat you at your own game?

EDWARD: My game does not include attacking a man who may be blowing up balloons in my heart one day!

LARRY: And that kind of namby-pamby attitude is exactly why you guys lost over there.

EDWARD: All right, that's it. We'll settle this thing once and for all. Get in the cart, Ms. Fonda.

DHARMA: Oh, I don't know, Kitty, do you really see me living in a ritzy-titzy place like this?

KITTY: No... But let's use our imagination. You come home from work, you're exhausted, you're in dire need of pampering,

and you open your door to...this.

DHARMA: Wowwww....Is what you would say if you liked this kind of thing.

ABBY: Well, I mean, you're right, Dharma, this isn't you.

DHARMA: No.

KITTY: However, the jacuzzi tub beckons.

JANE: [Cockney accent] Jacuzzi?! Just the thing to soothe me tired hump.

KITTY: Or if the jacuzzi is occupied, then you can step into your fully appointed gourmet kitchen, whisk open your ridiculously large sub-zero refrigerator, remove a perfectly chilled bottle of vintage...

DHARMA: Papaya juice?

KITTY: All right.

ABBY: Well, there are some lovely things here, certainly, but, gosh, Dharma, don't you think it's a little cold?

KITTY: No, no, no, no, no, she will not be cold, not when she is nestled in front of her Italian marble fireplace, sipping...Cocoa

and gazing at...the harvest moon.

DHARMA: Ah ha ha! Skylight!

ABBY: You know, Dharma, living this far above Mother Earth can permanently misalign your chakras.

DHARMA: That's true. When your chakras are messed up, your chi just goes "whaa!"

KITTY: Well, I certainly can't argue with that. But there are certain advantages to this elevation.

DHARMA: Dharma home.

GREG: Man, I miss having a shower.

PETE: Hey, sorry for peeking in on you. I got a little worried after you were in there for half an hour.

GREG: Ah, that's all right.

PETE: You got a nice ass.

GREG: Thanks for noticing.

PETE: Here's a wacky idea: Why don't we stop by a hardware store on our way home, pick up a shower and install it in your apartment?

GREG: You know how to do that?

PETE: I worked my way through law school as a plumber's assistant. That's why I know a lot about plumbing and very little about law.

GREG: You know, you could have mentioned this earlier.

PETE: Sue me.

PETE: You'd probably win. So, shall we just go or should we wait around for Samson and Delirious?

GREG: Let's just go. They're two middle-aged men. What's the worst thing they could be doing?

[Edward and Larry are in a plane about to skydive]

EDWARD: Want to back out?

LARRY: You think I'm scared? Hell, you're talking to a man who watched "Fantasia" 3 Times without a buddy.

EDWARD: What?

LARRY: You're not the only one who has flashbacks, pal.

PETE: Ok. Bring it in. Tilt it down. Oh, we got stairs, we got stairs.

PETE: Careful on the step.

GREG: All right.

PETE: All right. Put it down. Plant it.

GREG: What is that?

PETE: Well, I can't be certain, but, uh...it's either a shower or a writ of habeas corpus.

DHARMA: Aah! I can't believe I'm gonna l-l-live here! Uhh! Aah! I have to get so much more stuff to fill this place up!

KITTY: Oh, and that, my dear child,

KITTY: Is why god created shopping.

DHARMA: Ja!

KITTY: N'est-ce pas?

JANE: Whoo hoo! Riding the jet stream!

KITTY: Excuse me. I'm going to get your friend out of the jacuzzi while it still respects her.

DHARMA: This place is huge! Hi!

ABBY: Hi.

DHARMA: Oh, upset.

ABBY: No, Dharma. I just want to make sure you're not falling under the influence of someone who-- how do I put this non-judgmentally...

ABBY: May be evil.

DHARMA: You know what, Abby...I'm not doing this because of Kitty. I really, really, really want to live here. And I know Greg would.

ABBY: Oh...Ok, ok. Then I hope that you're both very happy here.

DHARMA: Thank you! Hey, you know what?

ABBY: What?

DHARMA: Come here. You can help me decorate.

ABBY: Well, I suppose some tapestries would warm the place up.

DHARMA: Definitely.

ABBY: And every place that she tells you to put an ottoman, put a beanbag chair.

DHARMA: You got it. Hey, do you think I can barbecue in that?

PILOT: Guys, I got about 2 minutes of fuel left. If you're going to jump, it's now or never!

LARRY: You know, even if we both jump...What's it really going to prove?

EDWARD: Excellent point. Why don't we go back to the clubhouse and see who can drink more?

LARRY: You're on. But I got to warn you, I had my blood replaced in '74, and I'm not afraid to do it again.

DHARMA: Greg!

GREG: In here!

DHARMA: I have killer news! I saw the most ama--

GREG: I know. Can you believe we had exactly the same idea?

DHARMA: Huh?

GREG: Huh?

GREG: I did the, uh, caulking and the knobs and ran the pipes-- well, Pete helped a little.

DHARMA: Wow! That must have been a lot of work.

GREG: No, it was great! Now I understand why you love this place so much. I mean, I've always lived in those sterile, modern apartments,

where everything's just there and perfect.

DHARMA: Ugh! Yeah. Those perfect places.

GREG: But this place, you have to get in there and put your sweat and your blood in it--

DHARMA: Did you cut yourself?

GREG: Yes! Several times!

GREG: But it's ok, because I live in a place where I walk up steps you built, and you shower in a shower I built--

Oh, by the way, hot means cold and cold means hot. Anyway, Dharma, thank you. Thank you for sharing this with me.

This is the first place I've ever lived that feels like home.

DHARMA: I love it when you just come out and say all that gooby stuff.

GREG: So, what's your good news?

DHARMA: Um, a guy at Al's hardware thought Jane and I were really English.

GREG: That is good news.

DHARMA: [Cockney accent] "hey, 'usband, "What say we go down to the hardware store and get us a Jacuzzi?"

GREG: 'Appy to.

dharma greg 1-2 transcript

2007-12-29T18:51:00.000+09:00

Dharma: Ah! That was great.

Greg: Yeah.

Dharma: You know what my favorite part was?

Greg: The part where you yelled, "this is my favorite part"?

Dharma: No. The part right after that.

Greg: Dharma?

Dharma: Hmm?

Greg: What are they doing?

Dharma: Watching their new dad.

Greg: The whole time?

Dharma: Since the git-go. I think they're real proud of you.

Greg: All right, show's over. Move along. You ready to call it a night?

Dharma: I'm beat. Come on.

Greg: Thought we were going to sleep?

Dharma: We are, but not here.

Greg: Uhh!

Dharma: Hey, Greg, what do you think we would have done If we hadn't run off and gotten married?

Greg: I don't know. Had a second date?

Dharma: Well, you know what? I'm glad we went for it Because now every moment with you Is like waah! Surprise.

Greg: I know what you mean. Are we gonna sleep up here every night?

Dharma: Don't be silly. Only when it's a full moon.

Greg: Ah! The full moon, of course. You don't turn into anything unpleasant, do you?

Dharma: What? Is that supposed to be a joke?

Greg: Yeah.

Dharma: Well, it's not funny. Wouldn't it be trippy if I was really like that?

Greg: Yeah. Extremely trippy.

Dharma; Unh! Ooh!

Greg: What?

Dharma: We should have a party to celebrate getting married.

Greg: Dharma, we can never tell anyone about this marriage, ever.

Dharma: What?

Greg: Wouldn't it be trippy if I was really like that?

Dharma: That's not funny.

Greg: It's not?

Dharma: Got you again. God, you suck at this game. So what do you think? We could have a party right up here. We could have a band, and we could have a couple of kegs. We could invite our parents, And they could meet each other. Wouldn't that be great?

Greg: Ha ha ha! You're still playing the game, aren't you?

Dharma: No. I'm serious. It'd be fun. Ask your folks.

Greg: I really don't think it's a good idea.

Dharma: Would ya at least think about it?

Greg: I'll think about it.

Dharma: So you gonna ask 'em?

Greg: First thing in the morning.

Dharma: I love you so much.

Greg: I love you, too.

Dharma: Mmm!

Greg: Dharma?

Dharma: Yeah?

Greg: It's starting to rain. We're not gonna sleep in the rain, are we?

Dharma: No, silly. You don't sleep in the rain. You make love in the rain.

Greg: Ahh...

What if there's lightning?

Dharma: Then you get to be on top.

[Runs blender]

[Stops blender]

[Pulses blender]

[Pulses blender to rev like a motorcycle]

Jane: We're back.

Dharma: Hey! Thanks for walking the boys. How'd it go?

Jane: Well, Stinky will walk Nunzio, But he won't clean up after him.

Dharma: Stinky, you wanted your own dog, But you don't want the responsibility, do you?

Greg: Uh...Morning!

Dharma: Morning, honey. Remember Jane?

Greg: Hello, Jane.

Jane: Eh, lightnin' rod.

Greg: Dharma... Do we tell Jane everything?

Dharma: Just the really cute stuff.

Jane: "I love Dharma's elbows and her little bitty tootsies." I'm sorry. That wasn't you.

Dharma: I made you a breakfast smoothie.

Greg: Oh, I--I usually just have a couple of eggs and juice.

Dharma: It's in there.

[Telephone rings]

Greg: Oh, uh, that's me.

Jane: Hi. If you're 18 and have a credit card, Get ready to get sweaty With San Francisco's hottest---

Greg: Thank you. Hello. Oh, hello, mother.

Dharma: Ask her about the party.

Kitty: Gregory, darling, your father and I spoke to the lawyer, And he has drawn up the most wonderful little affidavit Stating that you were intoxicated when you got married. Sign it, and we can put this whole unfortunate incident behind us.

Greg: Mother says hi.

Dharma: Hi, mom.

Jane: So are you gonna have a big party?

Dharma: Oh, you know what I was thinking? We could have a big wedding parade through the streets, Like they do in Europe.

Jane: Cool. I know a guy who dresses up like a clown and walks around on stilts.

Dharma: Really? Do you think he'd do it?

Jane: I don't know. He doesn't like it when people look at him.

Greg: No, no, mother. It's just a small party, very casual.

Kitty: Gregory, the day that I celebrate this misbegotten marriage Is the day that I... Ride a goat to k-mart.

Dharma: Is she coming?

Greg: Uh, she's just, um, uh... Trying to clear a date. Um, ok. Mother, why don't you call me then? Uh-huh. Ok. Bye.

Dharma: So they're coming?

Greg: Uh, well, mother's kind of busy.

Dharma: Oh, well, we can just do it when she's not busy.

Greg: Well, she might be busy for a while.

Dharma: She hates me.

Greg: She doesn't hate you.

Jane: Who hates you?

Dharma: Greg's mom.

Greg: She doesn't hate you. She just needs to get to know you.

Jane: She hates you.

Greg: What does it matter how she feels?

Dharma: Oh, my god! She does hate me! She thinks I'm this big blonde goofball, Messing up her son's life.

Greg: Dharma, listen, all you have to do is give her some time. That's all.

Dharma: So you think if she really gets to know me, she'll like me?

Greg: Absolutely.

Dharma: So, in a way, it was Greg's idea that I'm here.

Kitty: Huh. Remind me to thank him.

Dharma: So I'm thinking you and me spend the day together and get to know each other.

Kitty: Dharma--oh, my goodness. It's time for my tennis lesson. I'm so sorry. I must run.

Dharma: Oh, great! I love tennis! Well, not to play... Or watch. I'm just really glad it's out there.

Dharma: Oh, come on, it'll be fun.

Dharma: Most embarrassing moment. You go first. Ok, I'll go first. Um...So I'm 12 years old when I find out people actually eat meat.

Kitty: Ha! How embarrassing.

Dharma: No that's not it. It gets worse. So I figure, I gotta try it, right? So I go down to the tasty-freeze,

And I buy this enormous cheeseburger. And I am snarfing it down out back by the dumpster, and guess who drives by?

Kitty: I can't even imagine.

Dharma: Come on, guess.

Kitty: I--uh--the meat police.

Dharma: Well, my mom, so, good guess. I was so busted. And then, the very next day, I got my first period, So now, in my mind, Those 2 things are somehow tied together.

Kitty: All right, all right, all right. Game's over, game's over!

Dharma: Ok, so you don't like me yet, but one day, in the future, you're gonna like me. And you're gonna feel really bad about not having come to my party. So how about this: Come to my party as a favor to your future self. See, it's the kind of thing that the you you're going to be will want to have done for the me that I am now.

Kitty's friend #1: So she actually served tap water?

Kitty: Mmm, she put a lemon wedge in it, but I could still smell the chlorine. I smelled it.

Oh, please, it gets worse. After the soup was served, I looked out, I see 7 settings of silver...For a 6-course meal. I said, "oh, my god. This meal is going to be over, There's going to be a fork just sitting there."

All: Ha ha! Oh!

Kitty: Oh! Anyway, so I thought--

Dharma: Boy, you drive fast! Listen, just in case you change your mind, I thought you should have our address.

Kitty: Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.

Dharma: Sure.

Kitty friend #2: Well-- kitty? Aren't you going to introduce us to your friend?

Dharma: Oh, hi. I'm Dharma, Dharma Montgomery.

All: Hi. Hi.

Kitty friend #1: Montgomery. Are you related?

Dharma: Well, yeah. I married Greg.

Kitty: Oh, god.

Kitty friend #2: Greg got married!

Kitty friend #2: Come here, honey, sit right down over here.

Kitty friend #1: So, when were you going to tell us?

Dharma: Well that's what the party's for.

Kitty friend #1: Party?

Kitty friend #2: Party?

Kitty: Well, Dharma, You have just let the cat out of the bag. It was supposed to be this wonderful surprise. We were going to have a big reception and announce it right here at the country club.

Dharma: Since when?

Kitty: Dharma, we have talked about it forever.

Dharma: Well, we talk about so many things. We're very close, you know.

Kitty: And you know we got that way?

Dharma: How?

Kitty: Dharma wanted so to be friends, And we tried playing tennis together, And we tried Going to the spa, And what finally won my heart Is when Dharma turned to me and said, "Kitty, You plan my plan my wedding party.

Dharma: That's what it took?

Kitty: Mm...Hmm.

Both Friends: Isn't that sweet? Isn't that sweet?

Kitty: Very sweet.

Dharma: Ah, I can't help it. She's such a lovebug.

Kitty: It will be formal-- formal, of course. Dining, dancing, 16-piece orchestra.

Dharma: Oh, you know, with 18-piece, you get cole slaw and a free drink.

Kitty: Hah! Ha ha ha! Cut it out. Anyway, I do need some help choosing a florist--

Kitty friend #1: Stefan is excellent.

Kitty: Oh, god, no. No, no, no. Absolutely. No, he is...he used daisies at the Turnberry wedding.

Kitty friend #2: I think that's dreadful. I...

Dharma: Sss-sss-sss. Mrs. Turnberry... Ha ha! Made ya look.

Greg: Don't worry. I'll talk to her.

Dharma: Oh, yeah, yeah. You can't talk to her, Greg. She's like possessed. ["Society" accent] did you hear?! Stefan used daisies at the Turnberry wedding.

Greg: Dharma, I'm going to have to ask you not to imitate my mother right before we go to bed.

Dharma: Aaauuggh! Auugh! All I wanted was this really fun party on my roof, and now it has turned into this humongo country club thing. She wants a minister to redo our vows. What is that?

Greg: I don't know, but have you ever thought it might be kind of nice?

Dharma: Nice?!

Greg: Yeah. I mean... I love that we eloped. It was the most wonderful, spontaneous thing I've ever done in my life, But I feel like maybe we missed out on something, you know? Standing up in front of all of our friends and relatives and saying, "This is the person I'm going to spend the rest of life with." There's something kind of nice about that.

Dharma: [Giggles] awwwww...

Greg: Am I just a big old girl?

Dharma: Yeah. But you're my big old girl.

[Squealing]

Jane: Hey, good news. He'll do it.

Dharma: Change of plans. The party's now going to be at Greg's country club.

Jane: Cool. [Looking into hallway at clown on stilts] We're gonna have to get you a tie. [Stamps foot]

Larry: Give me one good reason I'd attend a wedding reception at some fascist country club run by a bunch of morally bankrupt fat-cat republicans who care more about capital gains than starving children.

Greg: Free valet parking?

Abby: Calm down, Larry. It is just a party.

Dharma: He acted this way when I wanted to be a Girl Scout.

Larry: It's a paramilitary organization with cookies.

Dharma...Talk to me. Was I such a bad parent? Is that why you feel a need to rebel?

Dharma: I'm not rebelling, Larry.

Larry: Come on. First you run off and marry a U.S. Attorney. Now there's the big country club wedding. Next thing you know... She'll get a social security number.

Dharma: I got one.

Larry: What?! Why?!

Dharma: I opened a checking account.

Larry: Are you insane?! You're on the grid now. They can find you anywhere.

Greg: Who's "they"?

Larry: You.

Abby: You know, maybe it would be a good idea to take a moment And all join hands and center ourselves.

Larry: I don't want to center myself. I want to be right here where I am-- On the edge, the perimeter,

The borderline that divides us from those who would enslave us and have us run their machines!

Abby: Oh, man, We should never have had this conversation with mars in retrograde.

Dharma: I'll go talk to him.

Greg: No. Let me.

Dharma: I don't understand! Why can't people know that this party's supposed to be about us?

Abby: I know it. I know. Aw, Dharma. So you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna write a wedding song just about you and Greg.

Dharma: Thanks, Abby, yeah.

Abby: I figure it'll be a really nice way for people to hear How my dulcimer lessons are coming along.

[Knocking]

Greg: Mr. Finkelstein?

Larry: Yeah.

Greg: What are you growing?

Larry: Oregano.

Greg: Oregano?

Larry: Yeah. Oregano.

Greg: Whatever. That's not why I'm here.

Larry: It's oregano.

Greg: Fine. Uh, look, Mr. Finkelstein, I know my parents are kind of taking this whole thing over.

Larry: Look, you can smell it if you want.

Greg: No, I don't want. I, uh, just wanted to come out here and say That I'm very sorry about all this, But if you and Abby don't come to the party--

Larry: Hey, Abby does her thing, I do my thing. We're not feeble-minded zombies chained to the oar of some patriarchal galley ship destined for yesterday.

Greg: Ok. I can dig that. My point is, if you don't come to the party, Dharma's gonna be really hurt.

Larry: Look, Greg, The last thing in the world I want to do Is upset my daughter. But there's absolutely no way I can attend a party like that.

Greg: Ok. What kind of party could you attend?

Kitty: What do you mean, he wants the waiters to eat with us?

Dharma: Well, my dad just feels Like they should celebrate, too.

Greg: And, uh, he doesn't want them to wear uniforms.

Edward: Oh, good lord! Then they're just guests!

Kitty: Gregory, this is completely unacceptable.

Greg: Hold on, hold on, I think I can get Mr. Finkelstein to agree to the uniforms If you were open to, say, a small, tasteful... Gong ceremony.

Kitty: Small, tasteful what?

Dharma: Gong ceremony. You know, how everyone goes gong, gongg, gonggg!

Dharma: You know, like at Christmas.

Greg: Like at Christmas.

Larry: An orchestra? What happened to the Edgar winter band?

Dharma: Larry, we traded them for yin-yang butter patties.

Larry: What? When did we do that?

Abby: 30 Seconds ago, Larry.

Greg: Have some more oregano, Mr. Finkelstein.

Larry: You know, I grow oregano.

Abby: You know, listen, we're cool with the orchestra as long as each guest is still bringing in a canned food item for the poor.

Dharma: Oh, um...

Abby, Greg's parents weren't real keen on that. Whoa, Dharma! What kind of people are these? I mean, sorry, but... Jeez, next thing you know, You're gonna be telling me they're serving veal!

Dharma: God! No, they would never do that.

Greg: No, no.

Kitty: Oh, good god! Just tell them it's chicken.

Abby: Free-range chicken?

Kitty: Who cares?

Abby: We do.

Edward: Oh, bull squirt! Who's paying for this?

Larry: Fine, throw that in my face.

Kitty: Don't talk about money. It's vulgar.

Larry: No that's ok. I'm the father of the bride. I'll pay for this shindig. What's it gonna cost?

Edward: $40,000.

Larry: Really. Well, you can probably use it as a write-off.

Abby: You know, we could save some money if we had it, like, outside. I was thinking in a beautiful park, Maybe with a renaissance theme.

Kitty: And perhaps I could find a maypole and...Hang myself.

Larry: Hey. Tell your old lady not to talk to her that way.

Kitty: Tell your husband I'm not an old lady.

Abby: He's not my husband.

Kitty: Oh, my god! What--what am I going to put on the invitations?

Larry: How about Abby O'Neill and Larry Finkelstein?

[All talking at once]

Edward: Will somebody please tell me what a maypole costs?

[Greg whistles "halt"]

Dharma: That's it!

[Silence]

Dharma: Here's what we are going to do: The ceremony will be at the country club...

Kitty: Thank you.

Dharma: With a macrobiotic buffet.

Abby: Yes!

Greg: The men will wear tuxedos...

Edward: Very good.

Dharma: Or...Formal dashikis.

Larry: Right on.

Dharma: Any further details, disputes, or points of contention Will be arbitrated by the bride and groom, to wit, Greg and myself. And anyone who doesn't like it can kiss my shiny white bridal heinie.

Greg: Are we clear?!

All: Yes. Clear. Fine.

Dharma: Good.

Abby: Ahh...

Greg: Abby.

Abby: What about the cleansing ceremony?

Kitty: What is a cleansing ceremony?

Larry: The, um, bride and groom have to bathe in fresh water... before they get dressed and take their vows.

Abby: So maybe we could use one of those little ponds that they have on the golf course?

Edward: You can't just go bathe in a water hazard.

Larry: Why not?

Kitty: Because it's absurd.

Abby: What's absurd is having a union of souls without first purifying the spirit.

Edward: So, you people are just complete weirdo's, is that it?

Dharma: Yeowwww!

Greg: Yeah!

Dharma: Ohh! Do you believe them?

Greg: Not really.

Dharma: Ohh... Promise me something.

Greg: Anything.

Dharma: When we have babies... We will never tell any of those people.

Greg: It's a deal.

Dharma: It was so close.

Greg: I know. Then your mother had to come up with that flaky cleansing ceremony.

Dharma: Flaky?

Greg: Bad choice of words. It's, um... Oh, come on, It's flaky.

Dharma: That is so close-minded.

Greg: Oh, come on, Dharma! I went with the batik cummerbunds! I went with the organic Carrot cake!

Dharma: Carob! Car...Ob!

Greg: Whatever. But I'm not flopping around naked in a water hazard in front of the entire staff of the U.S. Attorney's office.

Dharma: Ohh! But I'm supposed to parade out in my big poufy white dress in front of all of my lesbian friends from Berkeley?!

Greg: Well, maybe we should just call the whole thing off!

Dharma: Fine! Yeah, maybe we should! Ok, let's make up.

Greg: What?

Dharma: I'm done arguing. Let's make up.

Greg: But we haven't resolved anything. Nobody won.

Dharma: Good point. You win.

Greg: But you can't just do that.

Dharma: Ok, I win.

Greg: No, you don't.

Dharma: Boy, you really love to argue, don't you?

Greg: I do not.

Dharma: Then stop it.

Greg: But we're not done yet.

Dharma: Yes, we are.

Greg: No, we're not.

Dharma: I love you.

Greg: What?

Dharma: I...Love...You.

Greg: Oh, man, you really don't play by the rules, do you?

Dharma: Nope.

Greg: I love you, too.

Dharma: Say you'll do the cleansing ceremony?

Greg: Not in this lifetime.

Dharma: Ok, but you said that last lifetime.

Greg: Hey, it's raining.

Dharma: Want to go inside?

Greg: You don't go inside when it rains. You make love when it rains.

Dharma: Who told you that?

Greg: Some big blonde goofball.

Dharma: Shut up!

Greg: No, you shut up.

2007 quiz

2007-12-18T12:07:00.000+09:00

Who was the female singer who released a 3rd compilation album called "Bounce & Lovers" in 2007?
Kumi Koda
What baseball team won the Japan championship series in 2007?
Chunichi Dragons
Who was the sumo wrestler who went back to Mongolia from Japan in 2007?
Asasyouryuu
What was the best movie in Japan 2007?
Koizora
What soccer team won in Europe league on 2007?
A.C Milan
Who Japanese baseball player joined the Red Sox in 2007?
Daisuke Matsuzaka
What was the most popular comedy catch phrase in Japan on 2007?
Sonnanno kankeinee
Who is the Japanese Prime Minister now (full name)?
Mr Yasuo Fukuda.
Who is American President now?
George W. Bush
Did the price of oil fall in 2007?
No, it went up.
Was there a big natural disaster this year in Japan?
No
Who is an F1 champion of this year?
Kimi Raikkonen
Where was F1 Japan Grand Prix of this year held?
Fuji Speed Way
Were the Olympics held this year?
No, they'll be held next year in Beijing.
Was the issue of pension settled?
No, it wasn't.
Where did the world athletics championships "Sekairikujyo 2007" take place?
Nagai in Osaka
Who were the three Japanese that joined the Major League this year?
Daisuke, Okajima and Kuwata
How many days are left in this year?
(to be calculated on the day)
Who became Prime Minister in Japan?
Yasuo Fukuda
Who come forward as a President in USA President election?
Hillary Rodham Clinton or Barack Hussein Obama Jr etc..
Who became a mayor in Osaka-city？
Kunio Hiramatsu
Name a company that committed mislabelling on food products this year?
Meat Hope; Shiroi Koibito;
What artificial satellite was discharged from Tanegasima?
Kaguya
How many coutry were attendance in Bali conference?
188 countries.
What conference 'cop 13' ?
greenhouse gas or Global Warning
Why did Prime Minister Abe resign?
For health reasons.
What do you mean 'Privatization of postal services'?
It means 'the post office will change from government administration to private business.'
Which jockey was the strongest in 2007?
take yutaka
What Korean movie sold the most in 2007?
atamano nakano keshigomu
What Internet site had the highest access ranking in 2007?
You tube / Mixi.
Who was the most popular variety show entertainer in 2007?
Tutorial.
What is the book that sold in his teens most in 2007?
Suzumiya Haryhi no bunretsu.
What is the mobile phone which sold most in 2007?
au.
What is "this year's Kanji" on 2007 ?
"Gi" or "Ituwari"
What were the top catch phrases for 2007 ?
"hanikami ouji" and "dogenka-sen-to-ikan"
Who did become "yokozuna" at Osumo in Japan at 2007 ?
Hakuhou
What country won the volleyball world cup in 2007 ? (male)
Brazil
What country won the volleyball world cup in 2007 ? (female)
Italy
Which boxer fought against Daisuke Naito in the WBC championship fight in 2007 ?
Daiki Kameda
What is the subtitle of "Pirates of the Caribbean" (the third story) ?
"At World's End"
Who is the Japanese entertainer who say "Sonnanokankeine-!" ?
Yoshio Kojima
Where is Yoshio Kojima from?
Okinawa
What is the full name of the father of the current Japanese prime minister ?
Takeo Fukuda
Who is the president of NOVA ?
Noboru Sahashi
Which party won the general election for the upper house this year?
Minsyu Party
Which team won the J League championship this year?
Kashima Antlers
Who is the supervisor of the representative of soccer Japan now?
Takeshi Okada
Who ran for the position of Governor of Osaka?
Hashimoto lawyer
What baseball team won the U.S.A?
Boston Red sox
Who is the supervisory representative for baseball in Japan?
Mr. Hoshino
What is name sonomamma higashi's real name?
Hideo Higashikokubaru
Who married Norika Fujiwara?
Takanori Jiinai
What was the most popular phone novel?
Koizora
What was the most popular Diet dance routine?
Billy's Boot Camp
What was a popular NHK children's song?
oshirikajirimusi
Who was the comedian that wrote The Homeless Chugakusei?
Tamura
Who ran on NTV's annual 24-hour marathon in August?
Kin chan
Who was the Japan soccer team coach?
Ocim
Who married the actress Saeko?
Yuu Darvish
2What NHK drama won an Italian prize?
HAGETAKA
What disease broke out most this year at the university of each place?
Measles
Where is the Akahuku made?
Mie
Why was Erika Sawaziri criticized?
Her behaviour at a press conference was very bad.
Who are the three most popular young skaters in Japan?
Mao Asada. Miki Andou. Shizuka Arakawa.
Until when is LUMINARIE this year?
December 17th
Who won the victory in Miss Universe this year?
Mori Riyo
Who is the otaku talent whom participation decided for Red and White Singing Contest?
Syouko Nakagawa

Artful Dodger - Movin' too fast

2007-11-20T13:16:00.000+09:00

Movin too fast

by
Artful Dodger
with
Romina Johnson

Theme
1. The theme of this song is...
a) The girl loves and trusts the boy.
b) The girl loves the boy but doesn't trust him.
c) The girl doesn't love him or trust him.

Listen and complete

Ooh, you're moving too fast (fast, fast, fast, fast, fast, fast)
Ooh, you're moving too fast and I don't think it's ____
I'm not giving you my love tonight
Now, ooh, you're moving too fast
Better sit back, ____
I'm not giving up no love tonight

Made a sound, no understanding
Boy, I know what you're ________
And it's time for me to let you know (mmm, mmm, mmm)
Never be without hope to ____ this _____
Not too serious within the same
Stop it please 'cos ain't no possibility
Won't you put your dirty hands, dirty hands on me

Ooh, you're moving too fast and I don't think it's right
I'm not giving you my love tonight
Now, ooh, you're moving too fast
Better sit back, relax
I'm not giving up no love tonight

Bad boy, bad boy, you're such a dirty, bad boy
Beep, beep, uh-huh, a-ha, mmm, mmm

I do not see no-one to _____ me
Not my kind, nothing does that lose me respect
Not only one night calls, oh, no, no
Never be without hope to play this game
Far too serious within the shame
Stop it please 'cos ain't no ________
Won't you put your dirty hands, dirty hands on me

Ooh, you're moving too fast and I don't think it's right
I'm not giving you my love tonight
Now, ooh, you're moving too fast
Better sit back, _____
I'm not giving up no love tonight

Ooh, you're moving too fast and I don't think it's right
I'm not giving you my love tonight
Now, ooh, you're moving too fast
Better sit back, relax
I'm not giving up no love tonight

Discuss...
Q1. How important is trust in a relationship?
Q2. What are the dangers of a relationship without trust?
Q3. What's a good way to build trust?
Q4. Do you have any interesting stories about trust?
Q5. How do you know if you can trust someone?

Dictation

2007-11-14T13:07:00.000+09:00

November 14

Original
Hello, I went the university's festival last week. I sold the ramen and yakisoba there. It was very popular shops. So many people came this shop. I played soccer. I got two points. It was very interesting. Thank you.

Corrected
Hello, I went to the university festival last week. I sold ramen and yakisoba there. It was a very popular shop. So many people came to this shop. I played soccer. I got two goals. It was very interesting. Thank you.

movie

2007-11-10T11:49:00.000+09:00

Title: What's the worst that could happen?

Write a movie review. The format below is just a suggestion. You can also choose your own style.

Paragraph 01: Summary of the movie

topic sentence

the characters and the actors

the story

the theme

Paragraph 02: Your opinion

topic sentence

what you liked

what you didn't like

recommendation

Resources

Internet movie database
http://imdb.com/

What's the worst that could happen?
http://imdb.com/title/tt0161083/

This is a movie about two crooks fighting over a ring. The crooks are Kevin Caffery and Max Fairbanks. Kevin is a thief and Max is a businessman with a rich wife. Kevin is played by Martin Lawrence and Max is played by Danny DeVito. Kevin wants to get back the ring that Max stole from him and they fight hard over the ring. In the end, Max's wife and Kevin's girlfriend met up and took back the ring. Finally, Kevin threw it away to show his girlfriend how much he loved her and Kevin and Max became good friends. The theme of this movie is that love is the most important and valuable thing we have, and that fighting is not good.

I thought....

10/24

2007-10-24T13:07:00.000+09:00

129857 Dave Murray Oct 24

Partner: Yuri Tstsumi

Level:A1

Section: Spoken Production

I can describe my ideal house.

Instructions: Describe your ideal house. Tell me about three important features.

My answers:

In Brazil
On the beach
It has lots of rooms

Yuri's answers:

In Japan
near the sea
It has big rooms

Web site building resources

2006-09-08T14:24:00.000+09:00

Web site building resources
Here are some resources that can help if you want to customise your site.
Thanks to Salvatore Sanfilippo of http://antifavicon.com/ for many of the links.
Dave

Graphics generators

Favicons
Make your own Web page buttons made easy.

Pixelbutton
Generation of antipixel style buttons. Easy to use.

Brilliant Button Maker
another antipixel style buttons generator, less immediate but allows to include images in buttons.

Random Text Generator
useful in order to test page layouts with real-looking text.

General Text to Image converter with anti-OCR option.

Email Icon Generator
turn emails into images in order to prevent spam.

Fractals Generator
web service, generates real time mandelbrot sets with nice colors.

Color tools

Color Schemes Generator
may save you when in doubt about good colors for your pages.

Color Palette Generator
generates a color palette matching an image you provide.

Search engines / SEO

Top Directories
with free web site submission. A good starting point to get some links.

99 Free SEO tools
is a collection of quality SEO tools.

Overtune Keyword Selector Tool
shows users common searches about a given topic.

Overtune BIDs viewer
is useful to check how much advertisers can pay for click for a given search query.

Robots.txt Generator
select what crawler to allow/deny, what directory to restrict, and so on.

The Visitors Web Log Analyzer
is a free log analyzer with Google specific reports.

Affiliate programs to earn from web sites

AdSense
you earn by displaying google ADs on your site.

Chitika
show banners about products like the Ipod or laptops, earn for every click.

Phonetics

2006-08-16T14:12:00.000+09:00

This Website looks useful for students who want to understand and practice the very fundamentals of pronunciation.

It contains flash animated libraries of the phonetic sounds of English, Spanish and German. It brings together the best of flash animation, video, and detailed explanations of consonants, vowels, dipthongs, etc is a very complete and presentable way.

http://www.uiowa.edu/~acadtech/phonetics/#

Thanks to Elvia Morales from Brazil for this one.

Listening and podcasting

2006-07-30T21:44:00.000+09:00

Check out the sites below and thanks to Eugene Sayson from Vancouver Community College for these recommendations.

Dave

ESLPOD
http://www.eslpod.com/index.html

Each ESL Podcast lasts 10-20 minutes, and has three parts:
1. A dialog or story read a bit slower than normal speech.
2. An explanation of some of the expressions and phrases used in Part 1.
3. A repetition of the dialog or story at a native rate of speech.

TOEFL Podcast
http://www.toeflpod.com/

Each TOEFL Podcast lasts 10-20 minutes, and has four parts:
1. A dialog or conversation at a somewhat slower speed
2. An explanation of some of the expressions and phrases used in Part 1.
3. A repetition of the dialog or conversation at native speed
4. A comprehension question similar to those found on the exams

Breaking News English by Sean Banville
Ready-to-use EFL/ESL Lesson Plans & Podcast
http://www.breakingnewsenglish.com/

All of these current events and business English lesson plans contain a news article, listening (MP3 file), podcast, communication activities, pair work, discussion, reading and vocabulary exercises.
Classroom handouts are reproducible in Word and PDF.

ESL Listening Podcasts
http://iteslj.org/links/ESL/Listening/Podcasts/

Easy Online RSS Reader for English as a Second Language (ESL) Podcasts
http://a4esl.org/p/

Jokes in English (MP3 Files)
http://www.manythings.org/jokes/

Listen and Repeat EnglishPractice Intonation, Rhythm, Pronunciation and Other Things
http://www.manythings.org/repeat/

Podcasting for ELT (EFL & ESL)
http://www.gigadial.net/public/station/15116

English Idioms and Slang
http://www.englishcaster.com/blogs/

ELT Podcast
Basic Conversations for EFL and ESL
http://www.eltpodcast.com/

English as a Second Language
World News in VOA Special English
http://esl.podomatic.com/

pod-EFL (for instructors)
http://www.pod-efl.com/

Podcasts as Educational Podcasts (for instructors)
http://esl.about.com/b/a/225451.htm

English as a Second Language Podcast
Podfeed.net

The Podcast Directory
http://www.podfeed.net/category_item.asp?id=3D2531

SMS, Chatroom and E-Mail Acronym Definitions

2006-07-19T21:30:00.000+09:00

SMS, Chatroom and E-Mail Acronym Definitions

Thanks to ESL.about.com for this list.

The SMS, chatroom or e-mail acronym is listed on the right. The literal translation is in the center column and an explanation, if necessary, is on the right.

The Japanese versions seem to be very different. Maybe I should do a different entry for ASCII art.

Dave

Numbers
#1 // number one! // The best person

1 4 THE ROAD // one for the road // A drink before you go

10Q // Thank You

1DAY // One day // At some time in the future

1ON1 // One on one // In person

2 // To/Two/Too

2bctnd // To be continued // We'll talk about it later

2d4 // To die for // To like / love something very much

2DAY // Today

2g4u // Too good for you // The person is not a good match for you romantically, usually used as an insult

2Ht2Hndl // Too hot to handle // Very sexy, attractive

2l8 // Too late // The time is too late, missed opportunity

2MORO // Tomorrow

2NITE // Tonight

2WIMC // To whom it may concern // Formal greeting

3sum // Threesome // Three people together

4 // For

4e // Forever

4gv // Forgive // Forgive someone

4gvn // Forgiven // Usually used when someone forgives you for something you have done

4yeo // For your eyes only // Only for you to read

7K // Sick // Not feeling well OR something that is very strange

8 // Ate // Past tense of the verb 'to eat'

911 // Emergency, call me // Someone needs you to call them about something that is important

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AFAIK // As Far As I Know // Something you know based on something you have heard before
ALWZ // Always

ASAP // As Soon As Possible // Immediately

ASL // Age, Sex, Location // Questioning how old a person is, what sex he / she is, and where the person is

ATB // All the best // A way of saying goodbye

ATK // At The Keyboard // At the keyboard of a computer

ATM // At The Moment // Now

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB
B // Be

B4 // Before

B4N // Bye For Now // A way of saying goodbye

BAK // Back at keyboard // Returned to the computer

BBL // Be Back Later // I will return later

BBS // Be Back Soon // I will return soon

BCNU // Be seeing you // A way of saying goodbye

BF // Boyfriend // A boy a girl is seeing romantically

BFN/B4N // Bye for now // A way of saying goodbye

BFz4evr // Best friends forever // A promise to be best friends

BHL8 // Be home late // I will be home late tonight

BIL // Boss is listening // An employer is listening to you speaking on the telephone

BM Val // Be my valentine // Be my girlfriend or boyfriend

BN // Been

BOL // Best of luck // Wishing someone success on something that he / she is going to do

BRB // Be Right Back // I will return very soon

BRT // Be Right There // I will come to where you are

BTW // By The Way // A way of mentioning a new subject

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
C // See // Do you understand? OR the verb 'to see'

CAN I BY U A DRNK 2NITE // can i buy you a drink tonight? // Inviting someone out for a drink at a bar or pub

CM // Call me // Asking someone to telephone

CMON // Come On // Expression meaning 'are you serious?', or 'I don't believe you'

CU // See you // A way of saying goodbye

CU Soon // See you soon // A way of saying goodbye

CU@ // See you at // Making an appointment to meet someone at a specific time, for example 'CU@11pm'

CUB L8R // Call you back later // I will telephone you latter

CUL // See you later // A way of saying goodbye

CUL8R // See You Later // A way of saying goodbye

CYA // See you around, See ya // A way of saying goodbye

CYR BOS // Call Your Boss // Please telephone your boss or employer

CYR BRO // Call your brother // Please telephone your brother

CYR H // Call your husband // Please telephone your husband

CYR MA // Call your mother // Please telephone your mother

CYR OFIS // Call your office // Please telephone your office

CYR PA // Call your father // Please telephone your father

CYR SIS // Call your sister // Please telephone your sister

CYR WF // Call your wife // Please telephone your wife

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
DK // Don't know // I don't know something you asked me

DO U WNT ME // do you want me? // Asking a person if they want to be with you romantically

doN // Doing // Explaining what a person is doing at the moment

Dur? // Do you remember // Asking a person about a memory of the past

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
E2eg // Ear to ear grin // Something that is funny, or makes someone very happy

EOD // End of discussion // I refuse to talk about it anymore

EOL // End of lecture // I'm finished telling you what I think

EVRY1 // Everyone

EZ // Easy

EZY // Easy

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
F? // Friends? // Would you like to be friends with me?

F2F // Face to face // In person

F2T // Free to talk // I can talk now

FAQ // Frequently Asked Questions // Important questions asked by many different people

FC // Fingers Crossed // I'm hoping that something happens

FITB // Fill in the blank // You can use any (usually negative) word to describe this thing or person, obvious

FOMCL // Fell out of my chair laughing // Very, very funny

FWIW // For What It's Worth // This is my opinion, good or bad

FYA // For your amusement // I think you might find this funny

FYEO // For your eyes only // Only you can see this

FYI // For Your Information // This is something I thought you might want to

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
G9 // Genius // Very intelligent, also used to say that something that someone says is very intelligent

GAL // Get A Life // Stop worrying about something and live your life OR pathetic

GF // Girlfirend // A girlfriend

GG // Good Game // A comment about a game that has just finished

GMeSumLuvin //Give me some lovin’! // I want some romantic involvement with you

GMTA // Great Minds Think Alike // You and I are very similar

GR8 // Great! // That sounds like a good idea OR I'm happy for you

GSOH // Good salary, own home // A comment about a person who is successful

GTSY // Glad to see you // I'm happy to see you

GUDLUK // Good luck // Wishing someone success

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
H&K // Hugs and kisses // A way of saying goodbye showing affection

h2cus // Hope to see you soon // A way of saying goodbye, and that you want to see the person soon

H8 // Hate

HAGN // Have a good night // A way of saying goodbye

HAND // Have a nice day // A way of saying goodbye

HK UP 2NITE // hook up tonight // Let's see each other tonight

HRU // How are you

Ht4U // Hot for you // I like you very much - romantically

HTH // Hope that helps // I hope what I just said helps you

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
I luv U // I love you

I M W8TNG // i am waiting // I'm waiting for you to do something or arrive

IAC // In any case // Used to change the subject, for example 'IAC, GUDLUK' - In any case, good luck

IAD8 // It's a date // An agreement to see each other

IC // I See // I understand

ICQ // I Seek you // I'm looking for you

IDK // I don't know

IIRC // If I recall correctly // If what I remember is correct, ...

ILU // I Love You

ILU2 // I love you, too

ILUA //I love you alot // I love you very much

IM 4 U // I am for you // I think I would be a good boyfriend / girlfriend for you

IMBLuv // It must be love // You think you or another person is in love

IMHO // In My Honest/Humble Opinion // My opinion is this: (usually used for a very direct statement)

IMI // I mean it // I am serious about what I am saying

IMO // In my opinion // I think

IMTNG // I am in a meeting // I am in a business meeting with other people

IOU // I owe you // I am very grateful to you for something you have done

IOW // In Other Words // To say something in a different way

IRL // In Real Life // In the real world, not fantasy

Its F8 // It's fate // Something is supposed to be or happen

IUSS // If you say so // If you think so (usually expressing that the person doesn't agree with you)

IYD // In your dreams // It will never happen, what you are thinking is absurd

JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ
J4F // Just for fun // In order to have fun

JFK // Just for kicks // In order to have fun

JK // Just kidding // Only joking, not serious

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
KC // Keep cool // Remain calm and relaxed

KHUF // Know how you feel // I understand your situation

KISS // Keep It Simple, Stupid // What you are saying or doing is too complicated

KIT // Keep in touch // Let's keep talking to each other in the future

KOTC // Kiss on the cheek // A way of saying goodbye (friends)

KOTL // Kiss on the lips // A way of saying goodbye (romantic)

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
L8 //Late

L8R // Later // A way of saying goodbye

LDR // Long Distance Relationship // Two people who are romantically involved that do not live in the same city

LETS C A FLCK // let's see a flick // Should we see a movie or film?

LMAO // Laugh My Ass Off // Very funny

LOL // Laughing Out Loud // Very funny

LTNC // Long time no see // We haven't seen each other for a very long time

LtsGt2gthr //Lets get together // We should meet

LUV //Love

Luv U // Love You

Luv U2 // Love you too

lyN // Lying // Someone is saying something that is not true

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
M8 // Mate // Friend (British and Australian English)

MC // Merry Christmas

MGB // May god bless // A way of saying goodbye

Mob // Mobile // Cell phone (US English)

MTE // My Thoughts Exactly // That's exactly what I think or feel

MU // Miss you // I wish you were here with me

MUSM // Miss you so much // I wish you were here with me

MYOB // Mind your own business // Do not ask me questions about something

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
NC // No comment // I can't say what I think

NE // Any

NE1 // Anyone

NITING // Anything

No1 // No one

NP // No problem // It's not a problem

NRN // No Reply Necessary // You don't need to answer this

nufN // Nothing

NWO // No way out // There is no solution to a problem

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
O4U // Only for you // This is only for you to see

OIC // Oh, I see // I understand

OTOH // On the other hand // The other side of an opinion, situation or statement

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
PCM // Please call me // Please telephone me

PCME // Please call me // Please telephone me

PITA // Pain in the ass // Something or someone that is very annoying or bothersome

PLS // Please

PLZ 4GV ME // Please forgive me

PO$BL // Possible // Something is possible

PRT // Party

PRW // Parents Are Watching // I can't say something because my parents are watching what I'm doing

PTB // Please Text Back // Please write me back an SMS

PUKS // Pick Up Kids // Pick up the children from somewhere

QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ
QPSA? // Que pasa? // What's happening? OR What are you doing?

QT // Cutie // Attractive, pretty

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
R // Are // The verb 'to be'

RGDS // Regards // A way of saying goodbye, or of greeting another person's friend or family

RINGL8 // Running Late // I'm behind schedule today

RLR // Earlier // Something that happened before

ROFL // Rolling On The Floor Laughing // Very funny

ROFLOL // Rolling On The Floor Laughing Out Loud // Very funny

ROTG // Rolling on the ground // Very funny

RTFM // Read the flaming manual // You should learn how to criticize someone

RU CMNG // Are You coming // Are you going to come with me / us?

RU? // Are you?

RUOK // Are you OK? // Do you feel well (usually used after something bad has happened)

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
SC // Stay cool // You need to remain calm

SETE // Smiling ear to ear // Very happy

SHLM // Shalom // Hello

shopN // Shopping

SME1 // Someone

SO // Significant other // Romantic partner, boyfriend or girlfriend

SOL // Sooner or later // Eventually, it will happen

SPK // Speak // Please say what you think

SPK 2 U L8R // Speak to you later // A way of saying goodbye

SRY // Sorry // An apology

STATS // Your sex and age // Are you a man or a woman? How old are you?

SWALK // Sent with a loving kiss // I write this and send it with love

SWATK // Sent/Sealed with a tender kiss // I write this and send it with love

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
T+ // Think positive // You need to be positive about a situation

T2Go // Time to go // A way of saying goodbye

T2ul // Talk to you later // A way of saying goodbye

TDTU // Totally devoted to you // I love you

THNQ // Thank you

THX // Thank You

TIA // Thanks in advance // I thank you for something you will do for me in the future

TIC // Tongue in Cheek // Not serious, ironic

TKS // Thanks

TTFN // Ta-Ta for now // A way of saying goodbye

TTYL // Talk To You Later // A way of saying goodbye

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
U // You

U O ME // you owe me // I did something special for you

U2 // You Too

U4E // Yours For Ever // A way of saying goodbye

UI! // You Idiot! // You are stupid

UR // You are

UR Gr8 // You are great // I think you are fantastic

UR4Me // You are for me // I think I would like to be your boyfriend / girlfriend

UROK // You are OK // You are OK, (can also mean: but I'm not interested in you romantically

URT1 // You are the one // I think I would like to be your boyfriend / girlfriend

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
VRI // Very

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
W@ // What

W4M // Wait for me

W4U // Waiting for you

W8 // Wait

W84M // Wait for me

W84U // Wait for you

W8N // Waiting

WAN2 // Want to

WAN2 :-* // Want to kiss? // Do you want to kiss me?

Wan2 C a moV? // Want to see a movie? // Do you want to see a movie?

WB // Welcome Back // I'm happy you returned from somewhere

WNT 2 PLAY // want to play? // Do you want to do something together?

WOT // What

WRT // With respect to // Refering to something

WRU // Where are you?

WTF // What the heck? // I don't understand something, OR I don't believe something

WTF // What The F... // I don't understand something, OR I don't believe something

WTG // Way To Go! // Congratulations

WUF // Where Are You From?

WUWH // Wish you were here // I wish I could be with you now

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
X // Kiss

XLNT // Excellent

XO // Kiss and a hug

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Y // Why?

YBS // You’ll be Sorry // You'll regret what you are going to do

YGM // You got mail // You have e-mail

YR // Your

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ZZZZ // Sleeping // I'm tired, bored or annoyed

Role plays - 'My most embarrassing date ever'

2006-07-04T15:07:00.000+09:00

'My most embarrassing date ever':

This one comes from MSNBC and could possibly be useful for some roleplays.

Don’t choke
“On a first date once, we were eating chips and salsa as an appetizer. He was telling some joke, and when I laughed at the punchline, I inhaled the chip a bit too hard and it lodged in my throat: Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe at all! There was salsa pouring out of my mouth, and I was doing that choking signal to him. So he came around and started beating on my back. After a few scary seconds, the chip finally dislodged itself. I don’t even want to think about what I looked like at that moment, all stained with salsa. It took me the whole night of apologizing to feel comfortable around him.”
—Stephanie, Atlanta, GA

Buzz kill
“One time I agreed to go to a haunted house for Halloween with a guy, despite the fact that I hate haunted houses. No matter how cheesy, I get irrationally afraid. This one was set up in the woods in Louisiana. It wasn't bad at first: The requisite bowls of stuff you put your hand in, the rocking chair with a witch rocking in it who lunges at you. Then, just when I thought we were coming out of the woods, I heard the rip-start of a chainsaw and ‘Jason’ from Friday the 13th, hockey mask and all, comes tearing toward us. I freaked. And I mean freaked! I started running, full speed, through the woods, shrieking like a wounded animal. I could hear my date saying, ‘It's OK,’ but I kept running until I hit the parking lot... and a concrete parking bumper. I tripped, then skidded on my face and hands. It was terrible. We spent the rest of the evening picking gravel out of my skin.”
—Molly, Chicago, IL

Nice catch—not
“I was dating this guy and it was the first time I was meeting his family, so I was really trying to fit in. So when a game of football on the beach nearby started up, I jumped into the game even though I’m not really into sports. How hard could it be? Well, let’s just say I was terrible. I missed throw after throw. When my guy made a toss in my direction, I attempted to redeem myself with a brilliant catch—but instead felt the ball completely jam my fingers. Not wanting to appear weak, I tried to shake it off. But then we moved on to tennis. Not only was I terrible at that too, every time the ball hit my racquet, I felt excruciating pain. Finally my fingers got so swollen, I had to go to the hospital, where we discovered I’d shattered the bones in my fingers! It was really embarrassing to have my souvenir of the big date be a cast up to my elbow.”
—Regina, Fairfax, VA

Double-date
“I was pals with this guy Chris, and it seemed our friendship might be developing into something more. So we decided to have an actual date, and I invited him to a dance concert. But when I arrived, Chris showed up…with a date. He’d come straight from yoga and had brought along his instructor, who also thought he was on a date with Chris. When the instructor and I finally put the pieces together, we tried competing for Chris’ attention. I mean, that’s just plain weird! But the best part? By the end of the night, the instructor and I became friends and had a better time than Chris did.”
—Lance, New York, NY

Let ‘er rip
“I felt like a sexy, powerful woman as I pushed my date down on the couch and gave him a passion-fueled stare. I felt sexy and powerful, too, when I straddled him to plant a big kiss on him. Can't say I felt particularly sexy or powerful, though, when my pants split right down the middle.”
—Caroline, Los Angeles, CA

Drool is not cool
“I went to Philly for the weekend to see an old friend. We’d kept in touch and agreed to meet to see if maybe there was something more there. But, while we were eating brunch I ‘gleeked’ a stream of saliva into his orange juice while telling a story. It was so embarrassing. Adding insult to injury, he said, ‘Well, at least I can say I swapped spit with Carrie this weekend!’ Believe me, that was the only spit-swapping we did!”
—Carrie, Nashville, TN

Loves me not
“I became friends with this adorable guy who was very affectionate, always taking me out to dinner or on long romantic walks. We even talked about future plans, like how the next summer we hoped to have picnics, play frisbee, the works. I was so sure he loved me. He even said at one point, ‘Sorry, I just get kind of nervous because I'm trying to impress you.’ Finally after many outings, I decided to go for it and leaned in for a kiss. Well, he was quite surprised and said ‘Sweetie, I thought you knew: I’m gay.’ I was so mortified. Fortunately our friendship survived, but I definitely had to have my gay-dar adjusted.”
—Jenny, New York, NY

Rebounds and drinking don’t mix
“I was on one of my first dates after being dumped and was so nervous I decided to cope by drinking... a lot. By the end of the night, I was completely wasted, so when the guy I was out with suggested he give me a piggyback ride right at the bar, I jumped on his back, causing us both to crash to the floor! It took several bystanders to help us to our feet. Then, staggering back to the car for my ride home, I managed to stumble into two cars, setting off their alarms. When I finally got in his car, I was sick all over the dashboard. It was then I realized that I might need a little more time to ‘bounce back’ from my breakup."
—Erica, London, UK

And the winner is...

This just tells you how hard it is to be single nowadays. This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno.

Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

Marilyn said, "It was midwinter.. snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing at Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). No, not Marilyn. They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before.

The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date's concerns about "what was taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and needed some assistance!"

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free so, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As for the Tonight Show... she took the prize hands down .or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing!

This gives a whole new meaning to being "pissed off".

Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

JotForm

2006-05-28T21:38:00.000+09:00

JotForm

I haven't used it yet but this looks like a really promising and useful site if you need to make on-line forms and save them in HTML.

Gami

2006-04-10T23:16:00.000+09:00

The experience of one Japanese girl going abroad is something that you can expect to happen to you too when you visit English speaking countries.

It emphasises the importance of being able to communicate something of your own life and culture from home..

"I am asked about Japanese culture every time. They asked me why Japanese
people say we do not have religion. They asked me the population and area of
Iwate, Morioka, and Japan. They asked me the origin of Japanese traditional
events like Setsubun, and Hinamatsuri. Every time I cannot give exact answers.
When I asked about the population of Chicago or the origin of St. Patrick's Day,
etc to my friends almost all of students can answer. I realized how I do not
know about my own country and culture."

I saw this on Mark's blog.

BubbleShare: Share your story - Photo sharing, Photocasting - New Album

2006-03-24T00:04:00.000+09:00

BubbleShare: Share your story - Photo sharing, Photocasting - New Album

Interesting possibilities here. Create your own photo album with accompanying audio clips for a presentation.

isnoop's Comic Strip Snagger v3.2

2006-03-08T00:36:00.000+09:00

isnoop's Comic Strip Snagger v3.2 Get your cartoons by e-mail.

Treasure Hunts

2006-03-07T00:31:00.000+09:00

Treasure Hunts
Comprehensive lists of example and methodologies for all kinds of Internet treasure hunts and scavenger hunts.

Quandary version 2 example mazes

2006-03-07T00:15:00.000+09:00

Quandary version 2 example mazes

This is one for reading resources, with possibilities for small group discussion and interaction.

BBC | British Council teaching English - Think

2006-03-06T14:03:00.000+09:00

BBC British Council teaching English - Think
Wow, what a great teaching and learning resource.

wwiTV.com - The ultimate guide to Live TV webcasts.

2006-03-06T12:08:00.000+09:00

wwiTV.com - The ultimate guide to Live TV webcasts.

If you have a fast Internet connection, you can watch over a thousand live TV broadcasts indexed by country.

Interesting list of resources here

2006-03-02T14:44:00.000+09:00

TV Channels

Newspapers in English

News Magazines

News Agencies

News in Japan

YouSendIt.com

2005-05-24T18:54:00.000+09:00

YouSendIt | Email large files quickly, securely, and easily!

It is what it says... a free service that you can use to send large files over the Internet---up to 1GB. It came recommended from a friend and I was impressed. Having said that, I must confess that I haven't tried the service yet, but I'm sure I will as soon as the first opportunity or necessity arises.

Link to English language corpora

2005-05-11T21:16:00.000+09:00

OK, this is the latest discovery...a new interface for a 100 million word English language corpora

It's almost user friendly... You can click on the link or point your browser to http://view.byu.edu/

2005-04-29T11:06:00.000+09:00

If you like surfing, then this is the way to go...

Tourism Ireland

2005-04-28T09:22:00.000+09:00

This is a cool Web site. Of particular interest are the vacation planner and the site map that quickly shows how to locate informative and detailed information about many many things and places in Ireland.

Tourism Ireland

If you do check this out, let me know what you think.

sl-lists

2005-04-27T14:54:00.000+09:00

Hi,

This is the link for joining sl-lists.net

http://sl-lists.net/login/signup.php

Don't forget to get your teacher code, course code and forum code from me before you join. You can also browse through the site if you sign in as a guest.

Thanks

Some links for news in your e-mail

2005-04-27T04:42:00.000+09:00

If any of you are interested in getting news in your email here are some places to register. Drop me a line or leave a comment if you know of any more.

Thanks

News by Email
· Today’s Headlines at NYTimes.com http://www.nytimes.com/regi
· USATODAY’s E-mail Newsletters http://reg.e.usatoday.com/
· BBC Email News Services (with no ads) http://www.bbc.co.uk/email/news

Some resources on the Web

2005-04-24T00:19:00.000+09:00

Below are some dictionaries that I think are more useful than the usual dictionary.com; The ads are less intrusive too.

Dictionaries
· Bartlett's familiar quotations
· Collin's Cobuild Dictionary
· Roget's Thesaurus
· Sanseido Japanese-English Dictionary
· WordCentral.com http://www.wordcentral.com/
· 英辞郎 on the Web (スペースアルク) http://www.alc.co.jp/
· infoseek マルチ辞書 http://jiten.www.infoseek.co.jp/
· Merriam-Webster Online http://m-w.com/
· Cambridge Dictionary on Line http://dictionary.Cambridge.org/
· Longman Web Dictionary http://www.longmanwebdict.com/
· RNN時事英語辞典 http://rnnnews.jp/
· Thesaurus.com http://www.thesaurus.com/thesaurus/

If any of you are interested in getting news in your email here are some places to register. Drop me a line or leave a comment if you know of any more.

Thanks

News by e-mail Today’s Headlines at NYTimes.com http://www.nytimes.com/regi· USATODAY’s E-mail Newsletters http://reg.e.usatoday.com/· BBC Email News Services (with no ads) http://www.bbc.co.uk/email/news