dharma greg episodes

Episode list and summaries
(original source - http://www.tv.com/dharma-and-greg/show/182/episode.html?tag=tabs;episodes

1. Pilot
Community Score9.4
Superb 2
reviews
First aired: 9/24/1997 Production Code: AE79
Free-spirited Dharma and straitlaced Greg break the news to their respective parents, none of whom are especially thrilled with the match.

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Chuck Lorre
Director: James Burrows
Guest star: Elaine Kagan (Woman on Train), Scott Haven (Karl), John Mariano (Man), Megan Butala (Young Dharma), Matthew Weiss (Young Greg)

2. And the In-Laws Meet
Community Score9.3
Superb
First aired: 10/1/1997 Production Code: AE01
When Dharma and Greg throw a party to celebrate their union, a disapproving Kitty boycotts the event, and Dharma sets out to befriend her mother-in-law. But when the Montgomery's and the Finkelstein's finally get together to plan the details, the hostilities really begin.

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Chuck Lorre
Director: Will Mackenzie
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia)


3. Shower the People You Love With Love
Community Score9.0
Superb
First aired: 10/8/1997 Production Code: AE02
Dharma tries to sprinkle a little TLC in Greg's life by installing a new, deluxe "Spring Mist 3000" shower, while Greg finds himself on a testosterone-ridden golfing afternoon with Edward and Larry. Meanwhile, Kitty, misunderstanding the word "shower," readies for a social event with hors d'oeuvres and formal invitations.

Writer: Bill Prady
Director: Will Mackenzie
Guest star: Jon Cryer (Brian), Joe Hulser (Pilot)

4. And Then There's the Wedding
Community Score9.1
Superb
First aired: 10/15/1997 Production Code: AE03
There's love amid the ruins when Dharma and Greg hold a "do-over" wedding to appease their families, particularly the hostile Kitty, who turns the young couple's plans for a simple party into a big country-club affair, including a formal renewal of the wedding vows. Meanwhile, Pete and Jane have a surprising encounter of their own in the cloakroom.

Writer: Regina Stewart
Director: Will Mackenzie
Guest star: Nick Toth (Society Dave) , John Byner (Reverend James), Skye McKenzie (Photographer)

5. The Ex-Files
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 10/22/1997 Production Code: AE04
When Greg's former co-worker and ex-girlfriend Barbara is transferred back to his firm from Washington, Dharma seeks to assuage her own natural jealousy by finding a new Mr. Right for Barbara—a quest which takes on a desperate edge when Barbara confesses she is still in love with Greg.

Writer: Eric Zicklin
Director: Tom Moore
Guest star: Nick Toth (Society Dave) , Lucille Soong (Mrs. Kwan), Eliza Coyle (Barbara), Valente Rodriguez (Roman), Thomas Hildreth (Scott), David Lee Smith (Sid), Walter Borchert (Dave), Arsenio "Sonny" Trinidad (Mr. Kwan)

6. Yoga and Boo Boo
Community Score9.0
Superb
First aired: 10/29/1997 Production Code: AE07
When Greg's competitive nature becomes destructive, Dharma exposes him to yoga, hoping to lower his stress level. After two classes, however, they both realize Greg's life is out of control when he gets into a macho "I can do this" contest with Pete and pulls a groin muscle. Meanwhile, Larry goes to Edward with a scheme to mass-market videos of Dharma's yoga instruction.

Writer: Regina Stewart, Eric Zicklin
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , Virginia Morris (Luddy), Jack Shearer (Voice of Man)

7. Indian Summer
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 11/5/1997 Production Code: AE06
While sunning on the roof, Dharma & Jane meet an elderly Native American who wants to die on the premises, claiming that it was his ancestors' sacred burial ground. Naturally Dharma invites him to stay with her, and naturally Greg is deeply suspicious of his motives and tails them—even to the extent of getting Pete to impersonate him at a dinner with Attorney General Janet Reno.

Writer: Don Foster, Charles Harper Yates
Director: Philip Charles MacKenzie
Guest star: Floyd 'Red Crow' Westerman (George Littlefox), Bill Brochtrup (Steve), Den Pugsley (Sergeant)

8. Mr. Montgomery Goes to Washington
Community Score9.0
Superb
First aired: 11/12/1997 Production Code: AE05
After Greg wins a major court case, he is urged to run for Congress. It's an idea that moves Dharma to consult Greg's mother for grooming advice, as a potential political wife. After worrying about Dharma fitting in with the political crowd, Greg embarrasses himself during his first public appearance by emerging from the washroom with his fly undone. But when Dharma tries to boost his confidence with a little back-seat lovin', it becomes front-page news. Greg is thrown into a black depression until he realizes that his popularity has soared; then his opponent makes a decisive sexual confession of his own.

Writer: Bill Prady, Regina Stewart, Chuck Lorre
Director: Philip Charles MacKenzie
Guest star: Maree Cheatham (Senator), James Eckhouse (Andy), Kevin Cooney (Earl Washburn), Dawn Comer (Reporter), Bill Maher (Himself)

9. He Ain't Heavy, He's My Father
Community Score9.1
Superb 1
review
First aired: 11/19/1997 Production Code: AE09
When Greg needs an upgraded security clearance to work on a top-secret case, Dharma and the families are subjected to a background check, which reveals some very interesting information about Larry and Edward. Dharma discovers to her horror that her proud anti-establishment rebel father in not in fact wanted by the FBI as he's always bragged, and embroils Greg and Pete in a scheme to plant a phony file for Larry to steal. Meanwhile, Greg is shaken to discover that Edward never in fact divorced his first wife; and Kitty's reaction to the news is not what anyone would expect.

Writer: Bill Prady, Sid Youngers
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Raphael Sbarge (Agent Carson), Joel McKinnon Miller (Keeper), Jesse D. Goins (Cop)

10. The First Thanksgiving
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 11/26/1997 Production Code: AE08
After Dharma, Larry and Abby give a farm-full of turkeys their freedom, Dharma volunteers to make Thanksgiving dinner for the whole family in Kitty's spacious kitchen, with Jane's help (while Kitty plays it safe with a restaurant reservation). But Greg is not offering up thanks when he's the last to know that Dharma might have more than just a bird in the oven.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Dottie Dartland
Director: Gail Mancuso


11. Instant Dharma
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 12/10/1997 Production Code: AE10
Dharma's parents arrive for their weekly yoga class only to find Dharma in tears because all her other students have deserted her for the popular self-defense class across the hall. Greg's efforts to cheer her up only get them evicted from Kitty's operatic fund raising evening. Clearing out her locker, Dharma curiously wanders into the self-defense class that turns out to be run by a wacky woman named Spyder, who is promoting herself with alarmist flyers about a massive increase in crime in the neighborhood. When Dharma protests that this is a lie, Spyder intimidates her physically, then invades a depressed Dharma's nightmare about breaking her non-violent principles and retaliating. When Dharma does attempt to remonstrate with Spyder, both she and Greg get their butts kicked.

Writer: Sid Youngers
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Drew Carey (Dharma's Fantasy Man), Laurie Metcalf (Spyder), Alison England (Odetta), Bridgett Riley (Stunt Spyder), Erik Stabeanu (Stunt Student), Dana Hee (Stunt Dharma)

12. Haus Arrest
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 12/17/1997 Production Code: AE11
Dharma's free spirit and maternal instincts are challenged when Greg's rebellious teenage niece Jennifer visits for the holidays and soon abuses her newfound friendship with her aunt. When Dharma discovers that Jennifer has invited a boyfriend over unannounced, she lowers the disciplinary boom — and Jennifer runs away. As punishment, Dharma and Jane take her along on a wacky shopping trip pretending to be monolingual German tourists, they are upset to discover that she has used them as a cover for actual shoplifting.

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Regina Stewart
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Phil Hawn (Hippie Wiseman Caroler [uncredited]), Lindsay Sloane (Jennifer), Christine Estabreck (Lindsay), Travis Wester (Frank), Brigitta Simene (Marla)

13. Do You Want Fries With That?
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 1/7/1998 Production Code: AE12
Greg's latest legal victory leaves him depressed in the middle of the office celebration, so Dharma suggests that maybe Greg should quit and "follow his bliss." It turns out that Greg's suppressed passion is for cooking, so he informs his disturbed parents that he is starting a new career as a short-order cook in a hamburger joint. This prompts Edward to confession his own secret talent: hairdressing.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Charles Harper Yates
Director: Ellen Gittelsohn
Guest star: Allen Garfield (Stan Gottlieb), Dick O'Neill (Mr. Waring), Toshi Toda (Mr. Tanaka)

14. Old Yeller
Community Score8.8
Great
First aired: 1/21/1998 Production Code: AE13
Transportation becomes an issue for the young couple when Greg insists Dharma can use his car any time she wants but makes compulsive demands on her treatment of the vehicle. (Dharma: "Honey, I love you, but bite me!") So Dharma goes to a city auction with Jane and Pete and becomes the proud owner of a 1968 yellow school bus. Meanwhile, Abby invites the Montgomery's over for a meat dinner, and reveals that she was once romantically involved with Salazar, the featured artist at Kitty's charity exhibition. An amused Edward challenges the Finkelstein's to attend the function, which is threatened by a freak rainstorm and flood—it's 'Old Yeller' to the rescue!

Writer: Bill Prady, Eric Zicklin, Don Foster
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Paul Sand (Salazar), Steven Shenbaum (Stuart), Kathryn Joosten (Elderly Woman), David Botrell (Patron), Don Cummings (Valet), James Krog (Soccer Coach)

15. The Second Coming of Leonard
Community Score9.1
Superb
First aired: 2/4/1998 Production Code: AE16
When Dharma's charismatic old boyfriend, Leonard, suddenly re-enters her life after a year in India, Greg finds himself extremely uncomfortable around him, especially when it becomes clear that absolutely everyone else, from Greg's parents to even Marlene, absolutely adores Leonard. Weakened by battling a bad cold, Greg is thrown for a loop when Leonard reveals that he has been celibate since he left Dharma and Dharma decides that she and Greg should give abstinence a try as well. Finally, Dharma informs everyone that they should respect Greg's wishes and not see Leonard any more, then everyone simultaneously spots Greg on television enjoying Leonard's company and his bench-side basketball tickets.

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Eric Zicklin
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , Paul Johansson (Leonard), Chick Hearn (Basketball Announcer /Himself)

16. Dharma and Greg's First Romantic Valentine's Day Weekend
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 2/11/1998 Production Code: AE14
A romantic Valentine's Day weekend turns out to be anything but for Dharma and Greg. It all begins when Greg downloads a travel brochure promising a cozy getaway at the Red Rose Inn in upstate snow country. Unfortunately, things don't go quite as planned. En route, they get ticketed for speeding when Greg tries to make up time lost burying a dead animal that Dharma spotted by the roadside. Worse still, when they arrive at the inn they discover it's just an ordinary little house with no snow and only a backyard trailer to accommodate guests. Meanwhile, Kitty misinterprets Larry's talk about an animal-shelter swap meet to mean wife swapping, and she and Edward find themselves strangely disturbed by the idea.

Writer: Bill Prady, Regina Stewart
Director: Gil Junger
Guest star: Alice Ghostley (Mrs. Binns), Eric Allan Kramer (Officer Davis), Leslie Jordan (Kenny)

17. The Official Dharma & Greg Episode of the 1998 Winter Olympics
Community Score9.3
Superb
First aired: 2/25/1998 Production Code: AE15
While Dharma, Abby and Jane try to help a depressed Kitty struggle through her 50th birthday, Greg, Larry and Edward head off to the slopes to stage their own Winter Olympics. To head off Kitty's stated intention of immediate plastic surgery, the daffy trio persuades her to join them, big wigs and scanty dresses donned, on a mission to flirt at a navy bar. Kitty is an immediate hit - until one of the young men tells her she reminds him of his mother! Meanwhile, tobogganing down a mountainside in a canoe, at night, backwards, turns out to be the father and son bonding experience Greg and Edward never found time for.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady
Director: James Burrows
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Drew Ebersole (Chris), Dwayne MacEpson (Kevin), Christopher Taaffe (Rich), Brendan Wentworth (Ned)

18. Daughter of the Bride of Finkelstein
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 3/4/1998 Production Code: AE17
A plumbing emergency in their apartment forces Dharma and Greg to move in temporarily with his parents, and a situation fraught with tension is made worse when the Finkelstein's decide to contemplate marriage after twenty years of unwed bliss.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Fred Grenlee
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia)

19. Dharma's Tangled Web
Community Score9.0
Superb
First aired: 3/11/1998 Production Code: AE18
Dropping in on Kitty, Dharma instantly senses what has happened: Kitty and Edward are separating. An appalled Kitty makes Dharma promise not to tell Greg, but this well-meaning deception snowballs as Dharma's sense of guilt develops into a series of escalating fibs that draws in an uncomprehending Jane Seymour.

Writer: Bill Prady, Regina Stewart
Director: Ken Levine
Guest star: Don Cummings (Waiter) , Jane Seymour (Herself)

20. The Cat's Out of the Bag
Community Score8.6
Great
First aired: 4/1/1998 Production Code: AE19
The pretense that everything is fine with Greg's parents finally proves too much for Dharma, who snaps during dinner at a Chinese restaurant and has the bad news served to Greg in a fortune cookie. Trying to help the Montgomery's non-existent sex life, Dharma takes Kitty to her local neighborhood erotica store, where they naturally run into Abby and Larry. Greg and Pete take Edward for a drink to commiserate, and Edward demonstrates his ace in pick-up lines. Meanwhile, Jane has gone off to a Star Trek convention, leaving her pet Mr. Boots with Dharma and Greg. But Greg freaks out when he discovers that Mr. Boots is not exactly a cat.

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Fred Greenlee
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Teller (Mr. Boots), Brooks Almy (Lily), Kathleen Garrett (Audrey), Lucille Soong (Chinese Grandmother), Diana C. Wong (Chinese Teen Girl), Marian Lee Stryker (Chinese Mother), Tedd Szeto (Chinese Teen Boy), Albert Wong (Chinese Grandfather), Penn Jillette (Pimp (uncredited))

21. Spring Forward, Fall Down
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 4/28/1998 Production Code: AE20
Spring fever hits klutzy Dharma, moving her to dance naked on the roof in full view of a newscast helicopter, carpet the apartment with live grass and enter a ballroom dancing contest at the Montgomery's posh country club. Reluctant Greg insists they should accept that they have no chance of winning and merely enjoy themselves, but Dharma confesses to her parents that for once in her life, she's like to be competitive at all costs. Trouble is, the brunt of her aspirations is borne not by her competition but by Greg.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Nick Toth (Dan) , Julia Pennington (Cheryl), Valdas & Lilya Padriezas (Eric and Gaby), Virginia Hamilton (Marcy), Scott Haven (Ted), Sid Youngers (Security Guard)

22. Much Ado During Nothing
Community Score9.4
Superb
First aired: 5/13/1998 Production Code: AE22
When Jane breezes in to claim custody of Dharma's stuffed duck, Dharma explains to Greg that it's a trophy held by whoever has had sex in the unlikeliest place. Having actually fallen asleep during sex the night before, the couple decide to spice up their love life and search the city for a public place to have sex, since the rest of San Francisco will be too busy watching the finale of Seinfeld to notice. But Jane 'seduces' Pete by painting his toenails and shaving his legs, and talks about their plans and sets out to sabotage their trophy win, and, after a few ironic twists, it is not Dharma and Greg who get arrested for having sex on the steps of City Hall, but Kitty and Edward.

Writer: Eric Zicklin, Chuck Lorre
Director: Ken Levine
Guest star: Tim Hutchinson (Samuel), Michael Kestroff (Lou), Andy Umberger (Cop), Robin Benaccorsi (Stunt Dharma), Merritt Yohnka (Stunt Greg), Dave Florek (Officer Mel)

23. Invasion of the Buddy Snatchers
Community Score9.1
Superb
First aired: 5/20/1998 Production Code: AE21
When Greg hosts a poker game, Dharma takes advantage of the occasion to meet his buddies. Petty jealousies surface as she begins befriending the men and privately advising them on personal matters - including bankruptcy, impotence, and a serious crush one of the men has on Greg - and they in turn begin to full uncomfortable around Greg because he won't share his feelings with them. Upset that Dharma has taken over his friends, Greg tries to bluff her by maintaining that he has plans of his own to hang out with Jane; and when Dharma thinks this an "awesome" idea, he finds himself involved in a bizarre role-playing game with Jane's very bizarre friends. Meanwhile, Kitty and Edward are unhappily afloat in "duck soup," as their swimming pool is invaded by waterfowl. Enter Abby, who is getting a Berkeley degree in ornithological intelligence.

Writer: Susannah Hardaway, Charles Harper Yates
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Mark Thompson (VI) (Guy #2), Dick Clark (Himself), Michelle Shocked (Herself), Steve Bean (Roger), Ted Kairys (Paul Binyan), Kevin Skousen (Stuart), Dot Jones (Hey-19), Gerry Lock (Foo), Brian Phelps (Guy #3), Torsten Voges (Hey-20), Hamilton von Watts (Howard)

------

24. Ringing Up Baby
Community Score8.5
Great
First aired: 9/23/1998 Production Code: 2ABD01
A new path in life opens suddenly at the newlyweds' feet when Donna, the express checkout girl at their local supermarket, reveals that she has been dumped by her boyfriend just as she is about to have his child. When Dharma brings her home for the night, Donna gets a bright idea: why doesn't she give the baby to Dharma and Greg? Greg is dead against the idea but.... you can guess the rest except maybe the fact that the baby turns out to be black.

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Chuck Lorre
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Brigid Brannagh (Donna), Joel McCrary (Customer), James Sie (Man in Line), Michael Younieli (Man)

25. It Takes a Village
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 9/30/1998 Production Code: 2ABD02
Abby and Larry assemble a village, which includes an African spiritual adviser, a troubadour, a storyteller who has taken a vow of silence, a lesbian lactation expert, and Jane to help Dharma and Greg with the baby. Greg is pleased, sort of, until he realizes that this entails everyone living with them during the baby's first formative years. Meanwhile, Kitty takes to her bed, convinced that her life is over now that she has become a grandmother overnight. Dharma promises to help Kitty fulfill her matriarchal ambitions by having "a whole buttload of kids," but is taken aback by Kitty's first dynastic decision: to name the baby after Edward's wealthy uncle Fergus.

Writer: Bill Prady, Regina Stewart
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Robert Wisdom (Prospero), Meagen Fay (Kim), Jonathan Slavin (Sean), Grace Zabriskie (Naomi)


26. Turn Turn Turn
Community Score8.4
Great
First aired: 10/7/1998 Production Code: 2ABD03
Experimenting to see if her parents can be trusted to mind the baby, Dharma and Greg take the baby to the movies with them, but the incessant crying annoys the patrons around them, Dharma's crying. Abby approached Kitty to see if they can agree on a compromise between their family traditions for the baby's naming ceremony, which results in a huge gathering and a minister, a rabbi, and a shaman. (Yes, they tell jokes.) Even Kitty, with the help of Larry's special cookies, gets into the swing of things; and all is happiness until a telegram arrives: Donna has changed her mind and wants the baby back.

Writer: Bill Prady, Regina Stewart
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Holmes Osborne (Rev. Blanchard), Stuart Pankin (Rabbi Mutchnik), Ned Romero (John Running Bear), Irene White (Female Moviegoer), Nina Bidasha (Belly Dancer), Brent Hunter (Boy Scout), Brigid Brannagh (Donna)

27. The Paper Hat Anniversary
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 10/14/1998 Production Code: 2ABD04
It's traditional to fight on your first anniversary (even if Hallmark doesn't have a card for it): Dharma and Greg stage an argument to escape their parents' planned celebration, but in concocting the excuse Greg says Dharma was being "flighty," and the gloves come off. While they drive out of the city, Dharma retaliates by calling Greg a "stick in the mud," and soon their car is stuck in the mud when he tries to demonstrate how impetuous he can be. (Not very.) They hike to a diner, but find it closed because of a death in the owner's family; just as Greg breaks a pane in the door in order to use the phone, a highway patrolman happens by and the young couple get caught in a charade of being the replacement cook and waitress. There's a nice unspoken continuity with the first season episode in which Greg really did become a short order cook, and it's nice to see him sharing Dharma's role-playing game, even if unwillingly. But Dharma looks tense and unhappy even before Greg accidentally insults her. Are we to infer a further continuity with the stress from the loss of the baby?

Writer: Bill Prady, Eric Zicklin
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Randy Eglesby (Officer Burke), Mary Schmidtberger (Linda), Kivi Rogers (Alvin)

28. Unarmed and Dangerous
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 10/21/1998 Production Code: 2ABD06

In the middle of a typical in-law squabble, Dharma and Greg answer an emergency call and rush to hospital. There they find a partially immobilized Pete, who has dislocated both shoulders in a bizarre car accident. Greg is not too pleased at Dharma's offer to nurse Pete back to health, and after a traumatic visit to Pete's apartment to pick up his cat gives her far too much insight into Pete's life (or lack thereof) Dharma finds herself committed to cleansing her house guest both physically and spiritually.

Meanwhile, Kitty convinces Abby's "Save the Ducks" fund raising committee that rather than making $800 with a bake sale, they can raise $80,000 with a fancy celebrity dinner featuring "Alan Alda, or one of the Baldwin boys." Trouble is when the event gets under way, the celebrity turns out to be not exactly environmentally aware Andrew Dice Clay.

Jane becomes addicted to the one acceptable item in Pete's apartment: his vibrating, um, massage chair; and Pete's final act of chauvinism for this episode, involving beautiful twin masseuses who live above a liquor store, leaves him in a very embarrassing position indeed.

Writer: Noah Gregoropoulos, Julie Ann Larson
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Andrew Dice Clay (Himself), Miriam Flynn (Jasmine), Cristine Rose (Autumn), Michael Hyall (Doctor)

29. A Closet Full of Hell
Community Score9.1
Superb
First aired: 10/28/1998 Production Code: 2ABD05
Dharma and Greg are haunted by a prankster spirit living in a newly discovered hidden closet.

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Fred Greenlee
Director: Gil Junger
Guest star: Angela Paton (Mrs. Shumacher), Bodhi Elfman (Ted)

30. Valet Girl
Community Score8.8
Great
First aired: 11/4/1998 Production Code: 2ABD07
Greg is forced to make a very embarrassing public admission when he sees the first girl he claims to have slept with and her jealous husband makes some serious threats. Meanwhile, Dharma and Greg attend the wedding of Kitty's housekeeper and offer to park cars as a wedding gift.

Writer: Fred Greenlee, Bill Prady
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Maria Martin (Yaez), Jennifer Darling (Suzanne), Rosemary Forsyth (Merrill), Carlos Lacamara (Fernando), Frank Roman (Jorge), Marcelo Tubert (Father Gonzalez), Anne Belancourt (Guest #1), Terri Hayes (Alba), Martin Morales (Driver #1)

31. Like, Dharma's Totally Got a Date
Community Score9.0
Superb
First aired: 11/11/1998 Production Code: 2ABD08
Dharma discovers Greg is really the only man for her when she agrees to attend a dance with a nerdy high school kid, but meets with some serious competition from the younger crowd. Meanwhile, Larry sings his "You guys are okay" song to Edward and Kitty, causing Kitty to fall and hurt herself; this prompts Kitty to sue Larry after she is embarrassed by her donut-cushion in front of the mayor. Larry represents himself, while Pete arbitrates.

Writer: Regina Stewart, Eric Zicklin
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: J.D. Walsh (Donald) , Jennifer Lyons (Brittany), Jared Doud (Jeremy), Lisa Long (Saleswoman), Hilary Salvatore (Dakota)

32. Brought to You in DharmaVision
Community Score8.6
Great
First aired: 11/18/1998 Production Code: 2ABD09
Dharma is surprised when both Jane and her parents accuse her of having changed because she is busy attending a society fundraiser with Kitty then alarmed when Kitty congratulates her on having changed to the extent that young socialites thinks she's "a hoot and a half." Her identity crisis is confirmed by a visit from the spirit of her Indian friend, George, who directs her to retreat to the Redwoods to find herself and conveys a cryptic message to "save the young one." An uncomprehending Greg reluctantly lets her go, persuading her to take Jane with her; then, upon seeing George in a dream, rushes to the woods in Larry's van to save Dharma and Jane, who have adopted a bear cub while remaining oblivious to the nearby presence of its angered mother. Best lines: George to Dharma: "You might have mentioned that you moved. I scared some skinny guy in the shower half to death!"; Larry, fleeing from the mother bear, slips on something in the woods and mutters, "That answers that question!"

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Bill Prady
Director: Chuck Lorre
Guest star: Nicholas Gonzalez (Juan), Floyd 'Red Crow' Westerman (George)

33. Yes, We Have No Bananas (or Anything Else for That Matter)
Community Score9.3
Superb
First aired: 11/25/1998 Production Code: 2ABD10
A gently surreal episode whose humor derives from escalating skewed logic in the Preston Sturges mode: Greg's hostile secretary Marlene (at last the wonderful Yeardley Smith returns!) is offended by her annual staff evaluation as "Satisfactory," while Greg is overjoyed by his "Superior" rating until he learns Pete got the same rating. When Greg confronts his boss, he is driven to desperation by the man's apparent complete inability to discriminate between similar items (Tahiti vs. Buffalo as a honeymoon destination, freshly baked bread vs. moldy supermarket bread), and almost unhinged by the boss's decision to put Pete in charge while he is in medical leave. At the same time Greg must deal with Dharma's impulse decision to open a store without first deciding what she will sell, and the fact that the place quickly becomes packed with people who find Dharma's environment strangely soothing and establish a barter economy amongst themselves. There is of course only one "logical" conclusion: despite the fact that Dharma is losing money, she makes a profit when she is bought out by Starbucks. (We leave her contemplating a "drive-through" version of her non-store.) Meanwhile, Larry tries to persuade Edward to buy a drug-running friend's power yacht, and the four-in laws find themselves held prisoner by an aggressive sea lion who climbs on board and won't leave.

Writer: Charles Harper Yates, Eric Zicklin
Director: Ellen Gittelsohn
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , T.J. Thyne (Jerry), Kevin Nealon (Mr. Clayborn), Stan Sellars (Mr. Allen), Red Arrants (Pilot), Carla Barnett (Lisa), L.J. Thyne (Jerry), Diana Weng (Jenny)

34. The House That Dharma Built
Community Score9.0
Superb
First aired: 12/9/1998 Production Code: 2ABD11
Gail Mancuso seems to direct all the best episodes, and this is no exception: A friendly game of strip poker between the newlyweds is interrupted by an emergency visit from Larry and Abby (who are willing to wait a half hour until the sex is finished, an offer Greg can't accept). It turns out that their property is under siege by an unscrupulous developer who happens to be a former, and hated, classmate of Greg's. After Dharma invites the developer and his wife to dinner, then has to fight off his sexual advances, she is forced to accept Greg's viewpoint -- that he is evil -- and to seek a flattered Kitty's advice on how to get rid of him and save her parents' beloved home. The solution involves Jane, Pete, a trampoline, some garbage cans, and the IRS... and a wonderful coda using the trampoline. (In the course of the episode we also learn that Dharma has been both a magician's assistant and a professional casino dealer.)

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Kurt Fuller (David), Jessica Lundy (Patty), Jeff Austin (Arthur), Nigel Gibbs (John)

35. Are You Ready for Some Football?
Community Score9.3
Superb
First aired: 12/16/1998 Production Code: 2ABD12
When Greg convinces Dharma to accompany him and Pete to a football game, despite her lifelong aversion to competitive sports, he is unprepared for her sudden and total conversion into a fanatical San Francisco 49ers fan--and the term "fanatical" is not used lightly. When Dharma sneaks out to a game in the middle of dinner with her parents, Greg decides she needs help, and arranges an intervention involving quarterback Steve Young.

Writer: Fred Greenlee, Eric Zicklin
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Nick Toth (Voice of Color Commentator (uncredited)) , Steve Young (Himself), Rolando Molina (Hector), Martez Covington (Enormous Fan), John C. McLaughlin (Archbishop Stevenson), Liann Pattison (Stacey)

36. Death and Violins
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 1/6/1999 Production Code: 2ABD13
Edward's mother Beatrice is dying and knows it, despite the efforts of everyone around her to deny the fact except Dharma, who argues for honesty and gets a priceless Stradivarius as a keepsake, much to the horror of Kitty who believes it belongs in a museum -- especially after everyone has heard Dharma trying to learn "Three Blind Mice" on the instrument. Then Dharma learns something very surprising: Edward and Kitty's marriage was a whirlwind courtship bitterly opposed by Beatrice, who has never forgiven her "free-thinking" daughter-in-law and refuses to pass on the family heirloom engagement ring to her. Dharma tries to help mend fences before it's too late -- then tries to respect Beatrice's dying wish to pass on the ring when it is much, much too late. In a coda, Greg is more than happy to let Dharma's violin teacher borrow the Strad for a recital, then learns Dharma has taken up the trombone instead.

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Chuck Lorre
Director: Dottie Dartland
Guest star: Nina Foch (Beatrice), Holmes Osborne (Reverend Blanchard), Christine Remee (Mrs. Schreiman), Joyce Guy (Nurse), Maria Bamford (Sandy), Tom Finnegan (Uncle Fergus)

37. Dharma and Greg on a Hot Tin Roof
Community Score9.3
Superb
First aired: 1/20/1999 Production Code: 2ABD14
Role playing at a golf shop, the couple put on fake Southern accents and wind up endearing themselves to a genuine Southerner -- who turns out to be the federal judge before whom Greg must argue a cast the next day. After an evening's panic, he decides to tough it out and wins the case hands down (while mystifying Pete). But he discovers he has succeeded only too well: Judge Harper becomes the couple's best friend and constant companion, and Greg despairs at having to keep up the pretence forever -- especially when the judge comes to meet the entire extended family.

Writer: Dottie Dartland, Regina Stewart
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Paul Dooley (Judge Harper), Paul Terrell Clayton (Bailifff), Brian Dunkleman (Salesperson), Tom Virtue (Mr. Miller)

38. Dharma and the Horse She Rode In On
Community Score8.6
Great
First aired: 2/3/1999 Production Code: 2ABD15
It's Dharma's birthday, but the surprise she gets isn't what Greg was planning. First his parents take them on a mock foxhunt, and the uncontrollably wild stallion at the stables becomes meek as a lamb as she as he meets Dharma. Groom Joaquin swears it's because the horse has fallen madly in love with Dharma, and sure enough Steve starts showing up unexpectedly at the apartment. Meanwhile, Greg's old flame Barbara is assigned to work with him on a case with an overnight deadline.

Writer: Julie Ann Larson, Charles Harper Yates
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Eliza Coyle (Barbara), Diane Delano (Tina), Rene Moreno (Joaquin)

39. See Dharma Run
Community Score8.6
Great
First aired: 2/10/1999 Production Code: 2ABD16
After a dehumanizing experience with bureaucratic red tape, Dharma is inspired to run for office, and thanks to a pair of wacky opponents and a hefty campaign contribution from Edward, she may have a real shot. Meanwhile, Pete and Jane find a shocking way to fight the alone-on-Valentine's-Day blues.

Writer: Regina Stewart, Sid Youngers
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Nancy Lenehan (Karen Love), Jack Eng (Teddy), Nick Lelh (Moderator), Kenneth Alan Williams (Marvin)

40. Run, Dharma, Run
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 2/17/1999 Production Code: 2ABD17
As Election Day approaches, Dharma and Greg's relationship hits stormy seas due to clashes over her campaign strategy. Meanwhile, an aggressive opponent may really rain on Dharma's parade.

Writer: Don Foster, Eric Zicklin
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Nancy Lenehan (Karen Love), Jack Eng (Teddy), Nick Lelh (Moderator), Kenneth Alan Williams (Marvin)

41. See Dharma Run Amok
Community Score8.5
Great
First aired: 2/24/1999 Production Code: 2ABD18
Election day is here, and Dharma has finally mastered the art of politics. But it's her own body that teaches her that lying can lead to flu, rashes, eye sties, oozing sores and even a bout of the gout.

Writer: Don Foster, Regina Stewart
Director: Will Mackenzie
Guest star: Nancy Lenehan (Karen Love), Judith Moreland (Newscaster), Bruce French (Doctor), Robert Mehler (Director)

42. Everybody Must Get Stones
Community Score8.5
Great
First aired: 3/3/1999 Production Code: 2ABD19
Dharma and Greg join their parents, and even Pete and Jane, on a couples' retreat. But when they repeatedly fail tests designed to demonstrate the strength of their relationship (while Pete and Jane score tops), they resort to covert measures. Meanwhile, Kitty and Edward find a weekend in the wild to be just that.

Writer: Bill Prady, Sid Youngers
Director: Will Mackenzie
Guest star: Don Cummings (Waiter) , Jim Turner (I) (Chapman)

43. Dharma Drags Edward Out of Retirement
Community Score9.2
Superb
First aired: 3/31/1999 Production Code: 2ABD20
When Greg rather reluctantly gives Dharma half of his on-line investment account, she becomes obsessed with profit (even borrowing from her parents), but unwisely follows a tip from a friend of Larry's and sinks everything into a San Francisco company that promptly sinks even further. When she appeals to a recently retired Edward for help, he quickly rejuvenates the business, which happens to merchandize women's fashions for men: edrag.com; but Kitty objects that Edward's golden years were reserved for her.

Writer: Dan Foster, Regina Stewart
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Joel Brooks (Arthur), Michael Winters (Rodney)

44. It Never Happened One Night
Community Score8.4
Great
First aired: 5/5/1999 Production Code: 2ABD21
Dharma pushes her mother-in-law's fortitude to the absolute limit when she presents Kitty with an award at a country-club luncheon -- and later wrecks her car.

Writer: Julie Ann Larson, Bill Prady
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Jennifer Darling (Suzanne Kitty's friend at country club)

45. A Girl Can Dream, Can't She?
Community Score8.5
Great
First aired: 5/12/1999 Production Code: 2ABD22
Greg discovers he should pay more attention to his wife's intuition when Dharma has a nightmare and begs him not to go away on a business trip.

Writer: Don Foster, Sid Youngers
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Don Cummings (Waiter) , Yeardley Smith (Marlene (Voice only)), Virginia Hamilton (Stewardess)

46. Bed, Bath and Beyond
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 5/19/1999 Production Code: 2AB023
Greg is forced to go with the flow when Larry makes a few improvements in the loft and lets in more than just a spring shower; and Dick Clark pays a visit during Edward's surreal flashback sequence.

Writer: Fred Greenlee, Julie Ann Larson, Eric Zicklin
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Dick Clark (Himself), Walter Olkewicz (Howie), Jonathan Slavin (Young Larry), Casey Sander (Abby's Father)

47. The Dating Game
Community Score8.2
Great
First aired: 5/26/1999 Production Code: 2ABD24
When Dharma and Greg decide to go on a first date to get reacquainted the old-fashioned way, their courtship doesn't go as well as planned: a furious Dharma moves back in with her parents and refuses to speak to a penitent Greg.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady
Director: Gail Mancuso

----------------

48. One Flew Over the Lawyer's Desk
Community Score8.4
Great
First aired: 9/21/1999 Production Code: 3ABD01
Questioning his place in the universe, Greg begins a journey of self-discovery by exploring his reasons for becoming a lawyer.

Writer: Don Foster, Bill Prady
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia), Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , Kevin Nealon (Mr. Clayborn)

49. Welcome to Hotel Calamari
Community Score8.0
Great
First aired: 9/28/1999 Production Code: 3ABD02
Trying to find himself, Greg goes on a "journey of self-discovery", which ends in a seedy motel.

Writer: Don Foster, Sid Youngers
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Alec Mappa (Trina), Clement E. Blake (Artie), Damon Standifer (Anthony), Clyde Kusatsu (Al)


50. Dharma's Inferno
Community Score8.5
Great
First aired: 10/5/1999 Production Code: 3ABD03
When the financial realities of Greg's unemployment sink in, Dharma takes on a slew of new jobs and makes a deal with the devil to make ends meet: she accepts covert checks from Kitty in exchange for expanded mother/daughter-in-law time spent together. Only when Edward takes Greg to a high-power suits party while Kitty takes her to the opera to see "Faust" does Dharma come to her senses and rush back just in time to prevent Greg from accepting a corporate job.

Writer: Julie Ann Larson, Rachel Sweet
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Don Cummings (Waiter), Nick Toth (Announcer) , Vincent Schiavelli (Mur. Culler), Edmund L. Shaff (Mr. Wallacw), Reid Brulen (Mephisto), Agostino Catagnela (Faust), Alison England (Margeurite), Angelo Pagan (Laundry Man)

51. Play Lady Play
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 10/12/1999 Production Code: 3ABD04
Dharma agrees to play drums for a friend's teenage garage band. Meanwhile, she helps Greg through his crisis by purposefully invoking arguments with him.

Writer: Eddie Gorodetsky, Fred Greenlee
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: J.D. Walsh (Donald) , Bob Dylan (Himself), T-Bone Burnett (Himself), John Fields (Himself), Tony Gilbyson (Himself), Joe Henry (Himself), Jane Lynch (Sheryl), Harry S. Murphy (Richard), Mark Allan Staubach (Oliver), Elaine Bremka (Jeanie), Neil Cox (Stuie), Steffen (Clerk), Marissa Jaret Winokur (Anita)

52. I Did It for You, Kitty
Community Score8.8
Great
First aired: 10/19/1999 Production Code: 3ABD05
Faced with Kitty's midlife crisis, Dharma decides to help her fulfill her lifelong dream—winning a beauty pageant.

Writer: Jonathan Schmock, Regina Stewart
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Gary Collins (Himself), Helen Infield Siff (Frances), Dan Desmond (Mr. Wylie), Carol Infield Sender (Phyllis)

53. The Very Grateful Dead
Community Score8.2
Great
First aired: 10/26/1999 Production Code: 3ABD06
Dharma becomes convinced that the ghost of a recently deceased neighbor wants to conduct some unfinished business -- and the spirit soon moves Greg in a rather carnal way.

Writer: Jenna Bruce, Michelle Nader
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Harper Reisman (Old Man)

54. Fairway to Heaven
Community Score8.2
Great
First aired: 11/2/1999 Production Code: 3ABD07
Greg decides his life's fulfillment lies on the professional golf course, but Dharma isn't so sure if she should let him play through, given that Greg's journey of self-discovery may mean relocating to Scotland.

Writer: Rachel Sweet, Sid Youngers
Director: Ken Levine
Guest star: Jacqueline Steiger (Tiffany)

55. Tie-Dying the Knot
Community Score8.4
Great
First aired: 11/9/1999 Production Code: 3ABD08
Abby and Larry decide to make it official after thirty years of unwedded bliss, provided they can get Kenny Loggins to sing at the ceremony. Meanwhile, Greg comes full circle on his search for tranquility a part-time resident of the local park comes to him with a legal problem.

Writer: Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky
Director: Chuck Lorre
Guest star: Tommy Chong (Carl), Brooks Almy (Lily), Cathy McAuley (Ginger), William Bassett (Dewey), Kate Fuglet (Woman), Nick Gaza (Man), Kenny Loggins (Himself), Lester James Brandt (Guillermo)

56. Law and Disorder
Community Score8.2
Great
First aired: 11/16/1999 Production Code: 3ABD09
Constant interference makes Greg wish that his new law practice were a little more private, especially when Dharma keeps solving his client's problems without recourse to the law; Dharma reaches out to her landlady on behalf of the other tenants; Larry pursues an increasingly vindictive feud against his neighbor—who turns out to be his uncle.

Writer: Michael Collier, Jenna Bruce, Chuck Lorre
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Lillian Adams (Mrs. Spinoza), Christopher Darga (Mr. Marsh), Les Brandl (Guillermo), Patrick T. O'Brien (Reger), Lori Ralston (Patricia), Mario Roccuzzo (Primo)

57. Thanksgiving Until It Hurts
Community Score9.0
Superb
First aired: 11/23/1999 Production Code: 3ABD10
In an attempt to make Thanksgiving more enjoyable than last year's debacle (which we see in flashbacks), Dharma and Greg devise a plan to entirely avoid their families. When it becomes clear how much this has hurt everyone, the pair wind up more stuffed than any turkey after eating four Thanksgiving dinners: their own, one cooked (barely) by Kitty, another with Abby and Larry, and a fourth with Celia's family -- who have a fight that top last year's.

Writer: Michelle Nader, Sid Youngers
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Julia Vera (Maria), Victor Campos (Hector), Jody Carter (Gladys), Johnny Williams (Vito)

58. Lawyers, Beer and Money
Community Score8.5
Great
First aired: 11/30/1999 Production Code: 3ABD11
While his fledgling independent law practice struggles, Greg feels emasculated when Dharma hits the jackpot in a TV commercial whose producers caught her in a late-night promo for Greg's business.

Writer: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jonathan Schmock
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Nick Toth (Announcer) , Robert Mailhouse (Adam), Mark Tymchyshyn (Jay), Daniel R. Escobar (Waiter), Jack Axelrod (Bartender), Jonathan Stockwell Baker (Director)

59. Looking for the Goodbars
Community Score8.8
Great
First aired: 12/14/1999 Production Code: 3ABD12
Worried that they've run out of friends, Dharma and Greg "interview" a series of potential couples to see who meets their strict requirements.

Writer: Fred Greenlee, Chuck Lorre
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Patrick Fabian (Doug), Catherine Dent (Cynthia), David Beach (Paul), Cynthia Lamontagne (Sarah), Susan Chuang (Betty), Steven Hack (Lance), Miranda Kent (Woman)

60. Drop Dead Gorgeous
Community Score8.6
Great
First aired: 1/11/2000 Production Code: 3ABD13
Finding that Greg is overwhelmed with paper work (and that her own efforts to help only lead to desktop carnal encounters), Dharma determines to hire him a first-rate legal secretary. She tries to get pointers from Greg's former secretary Marlene, but discovers that Marlene's only real skill is in dodging work. After submitting applicants to a battery of tests, both skill-related and New Age, Dharma finds the perfect secretary: the intelligent, caring, spiritually centered Kim -- who also happens to be a former fashion model. Despite Jane's skepticism, Dharma insists she trusts Greg completely and goes out of her way to throw Kim & Greg together, going so far as to have her accompany Greg to a dance with Kitty and Edward while she goes to a Smothers Brothers vineyard jamboree with Abby and Larry. When the car brakes Kim supposedly had serviced fail, Dharma's trust looks like a fatal mistake...

Writer: Bill Prady, Rachel Sweet
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , Helen Greenberg (Carol), Bill Rulkeski (Ben), Liz Vassey (Kim)

61. Good Cop, Bad Daughter
Community Score8.5
Great
First aired: 1/25/2000 Production Code: 3ABD14
Dharma's friendship with two police officers gets her anti-establishment father Larry hot under the collar, and the family feud threatens to ruin Abby's surprise birthday party.

Writer: Regina Stewart, Don Foster
Director: Randy Cordray
Guest star: Don Cummings (Waiter) , Andy Comeau (Cop #1), Sara Mornell (Cop #2), Robert Cesario (Mr. Lee)

62. The Trouble with Troubador
Community Score7.9
Good
First aired: 2/8/2000 Production Code: 3ABD15
Dharma lends a helping hand to singer-songwriters Lyle Lovett and k.d. lang when their fame and fortune leaves them unfulfilled. Meanwhile, a sarcastic hotel clerk spoils plans for the couple's romantic Valentine's Day getaway.

Writer: Eddie Gorodetsky, Jonathan Schmock
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Lyle Lovett (Himself), k.d. lang (Herself), Ian Ogilvy (Geoffrey)

63. Weekend at Larry's
Community Score8.4
Great
First aired: 2/15/2000 Production Code: 3ABD16
While spending the weekend at Dharma's parents' house, Greg fears they're in grave danger when an old family friend shows up unexpectedly -- Nunzio and Stinky dig up his skeleton in Larry's garden. Meanwhile, Larry and Abby run into Edward and Kitty on a flight to Washington and discover that Edward is testifying before Congress on an environmental issue that Larry and Abby are protesting.

Writer: Bill Prady, Michelle Nader
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Joel McCrary (Jimmy), Paula Newsome (Charlene), Ria Pavia (Stewardess)

64. The Spy Who Said He Loved Me
Community Score8.2
Great 1
review
First aired: 2/22/2000 Production Code: 3ABD17
Dharma runs into an old boyfriend, Scott, whose endless, high-flown tales of jet setting sound more and more like flights of fancy. Meanwhile, Greg's hernia becomes a popular topic for discussion and forces several trips to the doctor

Writer: Bill Prady, Regina Stewart
Director: Amanda Bearse
Guest star: Tom Poston (Dr. Gillespie), Winifred Freedman (Pharmacist), Jason Beghe (Scott), Heidi Mark (Allison), Bridget Previte (Becky)

65. A Night to Remember
Community Score8.8
Great 1
review
First aired: 2/29/2000 Production Code: 3ABD18
Much to Greg's horror, Dharma tries to help Donald make a memorable evening of his first sexual experience. Meanwhile, Greg searches for memories from his childhood but decides he would rather remain in the present; and Larry develops temporary powers of recollection.

Writer: Don Foster, Sid Youngers
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: J.D. Walsh (Donald) , Margaret Emery (Woman), Marissa Jaret Winokur (Anita)

66. The Best Laid Plans
Community Score9.3
Superb 1
review
First aired: 3/14/2000 Production Code: 3ABD19
For the first time in her life, Dharma gets depressed about her sex life when she discovers that Greg can't make a move in the bedroom without checking his day planner first. Meanwhile, a depressed Greg confides in Pete, who convinces him the only logical explanation for the downturn in his sex life is that Dharma is seeing someone else.

Writer: Regina Stewart, Julie Ann Larson
Director: Will Mackenzie
Guest star: Ed Quinn (Stavros), Vince Melocchi (Eddie), Abdoulaye N'Gom (Prof Schmock), Raymond Ma (Prof Wong)

67. Talkin' About My Regeneration
Community Score8.7
Great 1
review
First aired: 3/28/2000 Production Code: 3ABD20
Dharma's ritual of unburdening her sins every seven years reveals things that would be better off remaining a burden. Meanwhile, Larry convinces the Montgomery's maid, Celia, to go on strike, leading everyone to discover how much control Celia has over Kitty's personality.

Writer: Eddie Gorodetsky, Julie Ann Larson
Director: Will Mackenzie
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Jorge Luis Abreu (Unknown)

68. Big Daddy
Community Score8.1
Great 1
review
First aired: 4/11/2000 Production Code: 3ABD21
Greg's old girlfriend Stephanie asks for his help in getting her son into Greg's old prep school; and once Dharma sets eyes on the boy, she becomes convinced that he is Greg's child.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Karen Witter (Stephanie), Brock Burnett (Thomas), D.J. Carlilse (Jeremy)

69. Your Place or Mine
Community Score8.4
Great 1
review
First aired: 5/2/2000 Production Code: 3ABD22
After replacing her furniture with Greg's stored bachelor stuff, Dharma is a changed woman. But not necessarily for the better -- she becomes strangely possessed with material ambition. Meanwhile, Edward finally rebels against the fact that even his private den is entirely decorated by Kitty.

Writer: Sid Youngers, Jonathan Schmock
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Daniel R. Escobar (Lorenzo), Todd Pazel (Voice of Infomercial Announcer)

70. Hell to the Chief
Community Score8.2
Great 1
review
First aired: 5/9/2000 Production Code: 3ABD23
When Abby objects to being president by acclamation yet again of the educational co-op, she impulsively nominates Dharma to run against her, and both women are nonplussed when Dharma is instantly elected. While Abby tries to be supportive, Dharma sets about making changes, which backfire, convincing her that Abby is sabotaging her. Meanwhile, k.d. lang asks Greg for a small legal favor which quickly goes to Greg's head.

Writer: Regina Stewart, Rachel Sweet
Director: Steven V. Silver
Guest star: Kathryn Joosten (Claire), Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci) , k.d. lang (Herself), Clinton Jackson (Charlie), Ellis E. Williams (Al)

71. Be My Baby
Community Score8.2
Great 1
review
First aired: 5/16/2000 Production Code: 3ABD24
Dharma's vision of a baby sets her and Greg to officially start trying; Pete asks for Greg's help after getting fired; Abby celebrates the onset of menopause.

Writer: Michelle Nader, Julie Ann Larson
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Helen Greenberg (Marci) , Adrian Neil (Philippe)

---------------------

72. Mother and Daughter Reunion
Community Score8.2
Great 1
review
First aired: 10/10/2000 Production Code: 4ABD02
In the fourth-season opener, Abby's plans for the new baby rattle Dharma, because Abby's admission that she and Larry made mistakes raising Dharma – like letting Timothy Leary be her babysitter – threatens Dharma's memories of her childhood as idyllic. When Abby's pregnancy is threatened by complications, Dharma feels obscurely responsible, until a visit from the spirit of her dead friend George sets her straight. Meanwhile, Greg's advice helps Pete and Jane make a move to repair their crumbling marriage: they announce they are getting divorced.

Writer: Rachel Sweet, Susan Beavers
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Floyd 'Red Crow' Westerman (George), Peter Choi (Doctor)

73. Love, Honor & Olé!
Community Score7.8
Good 1
review
First aired: 10/24/2000 Production Code: 4ABD01
Dharma tries to reconnect with her old life by planning a wild road trip to Mexico with her friends. When Greg decides to go along for the ride, Dharma's friends are less than pleased. Meanwhile, Larry lands a job as a night security guard with Edward's company in order to get medical insurance for the baby.

Writer: Bill Prady, Don Foster
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: James Avery (Walter), Bahni Turpin (Mary), Radmar Agana Jao (Ian), Kevin Christy (Stan)


74. Playing the Field
Community Score7.9
Good 1
review
First aired: 10/31/2000 Production Code: 4ABD03
Greg fouls out as part of his wife's New Age softball team, while Dharma learns that Edward's sporting a new lady around town.

Writer: Don Foster, Julie Ann Larson
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Helen Greenberg (Marci), Susan Chuang (Susan), Kathryn Joosten (Claire) , Mary Gillis (Ruby), John Harrington Bland (Umpire), Peggy Doyle (Bingo Caller)

75. Hell No, Greg Can't Go
Community Score7.4
Good 1
review
First aired: 11/14/2000 Production Code: 4ABD05
A small war breaks out as Dharma stages a protest to halt Greg's plans to enlist in the Army. But once he does, the legal eagle's stuffy style has the troops ready to boot him out of boot camp.

Writer: Bob Dolan Smith, Susan Beavers, Eddie Gorodetsky
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan) , Robert Loggia (General Kirby), Joel Polis (Colonel Glickman), Helen Greeberg (Marci), Anne Haney (Mrs. Kirby), Robert Donner (Joe), Beth Wishnie

76. Midwife Crisis
Community Score7.9
Good
First aired: 11/21/2000 Production Code: 4ABD04
Abby's labor is a real pain for Dharma when she must share midwife duty with a celebrated author well-versed in childbirth. Meanwhile, Larry's also acting like a brat, after Kitty and Edward present the expectant parents with a new van.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Sid Youngers, Bill Prady, Rachel Sweet
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Miriam Margolyes (Chloe Spencer Chung), Gwen McGee (Nurse)

77. Sleepless in San Francisco
Community Score7.9
Good
First aired: 11/28/2000 Production Code: 4ABD07
Abby turns a blind eye when Dharma goes the extra mile to help care for the new baby in the Finklestein family.

Writer: Susan Beavers, Bob Dolan Smith
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Linda Porter (Becky), Sharon Madden (Joyce), Samantha Flate (Jenny), Keary Jenkins (Victor)

78. Mad Secretaries and Englishmen
Community Score7.6
Good
First aired: 12/5/2000 Production Code: 4ABD06
Dharma & Greg's love life suffers because neither of them can keep from helping other people with their love problems, including Greg's crazy, lovesick secretary Marlene. Their romantic getaway gets postpones so Dharma can set Marlene up with Jane's flaxy ex. Meanwhile, Abby comes up with a scheme to make money and feed Harry at the same time.

Writer: Julie Ann Larson, David Reagal
Director: Robby Benson
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , Steve Valentine (Roger), Kevin Cooney (Archbishop Livingston)

79. Charma Loves Greb
Community Score8.1
Great
First aired: 12/12/2000 Production Code: 4ABD08
Dharma realizes she should have left well enough alone when Greg's surprise party nearly brings the Finklesteins and Montgomerys to blows.

Writer: Bill Prady, Don Foster
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: Dakin Mathews (Theodore Harrison), Tammy Tavares (Kelly), Ron Fassler (Frank), Linda Kim (Pepper)

80. Boxing Dharma
Community Score8.1
Great
First aired: 12/19/2000 Production Code: 4ABD12
Dharma regretfully taps into her hidden anger and a penchant for boxing when a woman challenges her to a barroom brawl. Meanwhile, Larry takes his familial relationship with the boss for granted.

Writer: Rachel Sweet, Julie Ann Larson
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Suanne Spoke (Wanda), Mitchell Whitfield (Bob), Helen Cates (Lydia), Benjamin Brown (Manny)

81. Dutch Treat
Community Score7.7
Good
First aired: 1/9/2001 Production Code: 4ABD13
When Dharma and Greg disagree about playing role model to their young college friend Donald, they decide to experiment with independence for the first time since their marriage began. When things finally get really tense, only an obscure dream and a visit from Abraham Lincoln can close the divide.

Writer: Rachel Sweet, Bill Prady, Jenna Bruce
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: J.D. Walsh (Donald) , Kristen Zang, Laura Stone, Melanie Sirmons, Keary Jenkins, Ryan Stiles, Ryan Stiles (Abraham Lincoln)

82. The Box
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 1/16/2001 Production Code: 4ABD14
Dharma begins to come unglued when she can't figure out what Greg has locked away in his box of mementos; and Larry makes a big deal out of finding a little something for Abby.

Writer: Susan Beavers, Dava Savel, Chuck Lorre
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Earl Billings (Fred), Diana Castle (Yvonne), Tim Maculan (Charles), Julio Oscar Mechoso (Father Rodriguez)

83. Let's Get Fiscal
Community Score8.1
Great
First aired: 1/30/2001 Production Code: 4ABD15
Dharma regretfully seeks Edward's business advice when the co-op's slush fund comes up empty, and Greg works with a very successful attorney whom Dharma used to date.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci), Kathryn Joosten (Claire) , Andrew Shaifer (Nick), Vernee Watson-Johnson (Ms. Vialla), Don McManus (Tobias), Scott Berman (Customer)

84. Educating Dharma (1)
Community Score7.4
Good
First aired: 2/6/2001 Production Code: 4ABD10
When Dharma decides to go to college, she meets a professor who stirs some feelings that could disrupt her marriage.

Writer: Susan Beavers, Don Foster
Director: Chuck Lorre
Guest star: Helen Greenberg (Marci) , Kevin Sorbo (Charlie), Googy Gress (Roland Hal), Jim O'Heir (Chief Anderson), Travis Wester (Brandon)

85. Educating Dharma (2)
Community Score7.9
Good
First aired: 2/13/2001 Production Code: 4ABD11
Dharma must come to terms with her own guilt about Charlie, and resolve which direction the relationship will take.

Writer: Don Foster, Jenna Bruce, Susan Beavers
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Helen Greenberg (Marci), Susan Chuang (Susan) , Kevin Sorbo (Charlie), Travis Wester (Brandon), Scott Alan Smith (Waiter)

86. Dharma Does Dallas
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 2/20/2001 Production Code: 4ABD16
Dharma gets to know Greg's dysfunctional cousins and in-laws just in time to keep Edward from making a huge mistake in choosing his successor as head of the firm.

Writer: Bill Prady, Eddie Gorodetsky
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Katherine Disque (Marilyn), Morgan Fairchild (Jackie), Bill Glass (Brent), Matthew Ashford (Trey), Danielle Bisutti (Joy), Leslie Charleson (Katherine), Julie Pinson (Cici), John Schafer (Nick), Kristin Bauer (Stephanie)

87. Judy & Greg
Community Score8.8
Great
First aired: 3/13/2001 Production Code: 4ABD17
Fleeing from Kitty's talk on popular restoration of Victoria architecture, Dharma drags Greg into a neighboring high-school reunion for the class of '81, assuming the identities of no-shows Todd and Judy. She is not pleased to discover that everyone present loathes "Judy" for the terrible things she did to them in high school, and decides the universe wants her to make amends by visiting each of Judy's former victims and apologizing. When this doesn't work out, she tracks down the actual Judy for a confrontation. Meanwhile, Larry offers Edward tips on how to revitalize the sexual side of his marriage, and encourages Abby to do the same for Kitty -- but their advice ("let the other make the first move") leads to stalemate.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Eddie Gorodetsky
Director: Jonathan Schmock
Guest star: Tracey Ellis (Sandy), Rich Cooper (Anthony), Anne Haney (Mrs. Kirby), Tracy Ellis (Sandy), Bonita Friedericy (Paula), Peter MacKenzie (Matthew), Nealla Gordon (Kathy), Dina Sherman (Sister Alice), Rebecca Staab (Judy)

88. Do the Hustle
Community Score7.9
Good
First aired: 3/27/2001 Production Code: 4ABD09
Dharma finds a way to bond with Kitty – and score some cash – after unleashing her mother-in-law's secret skills as a pool player. Greg, meanwhile, races around town to find a replacement rat after killing his wife's beloved house pest.

Writer: Chuck Lorre, Sid Youngers
Director: Gail Mancuso
Guest star: P.J. Marino, Adam Vernier (Justin), Tony Ketcham (Mike), Mark Christopher Lawrence (Arnold), Mike Barger (Sweet Lou)

89. For Pete's Sake
Community Score8.4
Great
First aired: 4/3/2001 Production Code: 4ABD18
In an effort to boost Pete's confidence, Dharma makes the naïve mistake of convincing Greg to leave the practice in Pete's very incapable hands while Greg is away on his two-week army reserve duty.

Writer: Susan Beavers, Julie Ann Larson
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene), Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci), Kathryn Joosten (Claire) , Troy Blendell (Joel), Ajgie Kirkland (Ranger)

90. Kitty Dearest
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 4/10/2001 Production Code: 4ABD19
Greg loses his cool with Kitty after another one of her annoying charity events, creating a cold front between the stubborn mother and son. While Dharma tries to bring back the love, Kitty goes out and gets herself a better little boy.

Writer: Bill Prady, Jenna Bruce
Director: Joel Murray
Guest star: Scott Thompson (David), Nancy Liardi (Woman), Devon Alan (Tayler)

91. The Story of K
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 4/24/2001 Production Code: 4ABD20
Kitty's swing at writing erotica leaves Edward exhausted, while her editor (Dharma) finds that the work suffers when the couple plays too much. Meanwhile, Greg avoids the issue entirely by submersing himself into building a model ship.

Writer: Bill Prady, Susan Beavers
Director: Thomas Gibson
Guest star: Kathryn Joosten (Claire), Lillian Hurst (Celia) , Sharon Madden (Joyce), Tony Ranaudo (Man), Billy West (Horse)

92. Pride and Prejudice
Community Score7.7
Good
First aired: 5/1/2001 Production Code: 4ABD21
Dharma's paranoia reaches a new height when she discovers her own prejudice against little people.

Writer: Rachel Sweet, Eddie Gorodetsky
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Mark Povinelli (Ray), Meredith Eaton-Gilden (Kate Palmer), Larry Michelson (Sid)

93. How This Happened
Community Score8.4
Great
First aired: 5/8/2001 Production Code: 4ABD24
While converting an abandoned piece of land owned by Edward's company into a community garden, Dharma discovers a cash deposit bag lost decades ago. The bag traces back to a man who was falsely accused of stealing it (Edward Asner) and subsequently fired, setting Dharma on a mission to right a wrong.

Writer: Don Foster, Sid Youngers
Director: Jonathan Schmock
Guest star: Kathryn Joosten (Claire), Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci) , Andy Milder (Russell Gottlieb), Gloria LeRoy (Jeannette), Stuart Pankin (Mr Gottlieb), John Mendoza (Jimmy), Patrick Y. Malone (Alvin), Christopher Michael (DEA Agent), Clint Jones (Stunt DEA Agent #1), Jean-Michel Casanova (Stunt DEA Agent #2), Robert Mukes (Mac), Edward Asner (Earl Tucker)

94. The End of the Innocence (1)
Community Score8.1
Great
First aired: 5/15/2001 Production Code: 4ABD22
Dharma drags Greg to a kooky couples counselor after he finds a lost love letter from her old college tutor. But when she refuses to avoid her other man, Greg takes a stand that could cause a parting of ways for the mismatched pair.

Writer: Bill Prady, Rachel Sweet
Director: Ted Lange
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan) , Kirstie Alley (Dr. Trish), Kevin Sorbo (Charlie), Steven Banks (Phil)

95. The End of the Innocence (2)
Community Score8.4
Great 1
review
First aired: 5/22/2001 Production Code: 4ABD23
After catching Dharma innocently hanging out with her old college tutor---and failed suitor---Charlie, an enraged Greg moves out. Then the misunderstanding turns into a crisis as they both get caught up in the planning of their mutual friends' impending wedding, compelling Greg to seriously reevaluate his own crazy marriage. But when he finally sees the light, it may be too late.

Writer: Don Foster, Sid Youngers
Director: Joel Murray
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci), Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , Harvey J. Alperin (Rabbi), Kevin Sorbo (Charlie), Gabriella Bern (Magda), Andy Milder (Russell), Jeanne Chin (Wei-Hsi), Rebecca Lin (Li-Li), Stuart Pankin (Mr Gottlieg), Raymond Ma (Mr Wong), Masi Oka (Nies Jin), Lucille Soong (Mrs Wong), Jeanne Chinn (Wei Hui)

----------------

96. Intensive Caring
Community Score8.0
Great
First aired: 9/25/2001 Production Code: 5ABD01
The fifth season begins in the aftermath of last May's car crash, with both sets of parents arriving at the hospital and Dharma just out of surgery and groggy from anesthesia. The car accident has left Dharma with a fractured hip and temporarily confined to a wheelchair. Greg, who fared better with just a few minor cuts, mostly feels guilt, and tries to maintain a "structured" approach to Dharma's recovery which, unfortunately for her, doesn't allow for skipping physical therapy appointments in favor of wheelchair-tongue-depressor relay races down the hospital halls. For her part, Abby believes that crystals and chants around her daughter's bed might help. Larry calls it a "healing ceremony"; Greg calls it "voodoo."

Writer: Bill Prady, Don Foster
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Floyd 'Red Crow' Westerman (George), Bob Morrisey (Dr. Coleman), Anne Elizabeth Ramsay (Nancy), David Silver

97. With a Little Help From My Friend
Community Score7.9
Good
First aired: 9/25/2001 Production Code: 5ABD02
Dharma decides that her accident must be a manifestation of the universe shuffling her cosmic deck of cards so that she can help people—from the hospital, physical therapy, insurance company, etc.—whom she otherwise wouldn't have met. Yet while Dharma loves giving help to others, she's not nearly as fond of accepting it for herself, even when she's in a wheelchair. Meanwhile, Greg deals with an insurance problem—the company has paid them twice by mistake, but won't listen to his attempts to explain.

Writer: Rachel Sweet, Susan Beavers
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci) , Mitzi McCall (Florence), Romy Rosemont (Martha), Terry Rhoads (Kevin), Anne Elizabeth Ramsay (Nancy), Phill Lewis (Mr. Walder), Scott Adsit (Howard), Shae D'Lyn (Jane)


98. Papa Was Almost a Rolling Stone
Community Score8.9
Great
First aired: 10/2/2001 Production Code: 5ABD03
Dharma learns that her dad, Larry, used to sing and play guitar in a band but gave it all up when she was born. Feeling guilty, she tries to convince him to perform again. Meanwhile, Larry and Abby set up some old pirate radio broadcasting equipment in Dharma's living room to give her something to do while she's recuperating. Initially, Greg scoffs at "Radio Dharma," but one on-air debate with a caller later and he's hooked. Meanwhile, Edward's old running suit hits a sour note with Kitty when it is discovered "lost" in a box of Greg's old possessions, and Edward refuses to stop wearing it.

Writer: Don Foster, Sid Youngers
Director: Joel Murray
Guest star: Helen Greenberg (Marci), Don Cummings (Waiter) , Adrian Bewley (Singer), Holly Gagnier (Voice of Tina)

99. Sexual Healing
Community Score8.4
Great
First aired: 10/9/2001 Production Code: 5ABD04
At the same time that Dharma's doctor gives her permission to resume sexual relations, Greg sees their totaled car for the first time since the accident and learns that the insurance adjuster ruled it a case of reckless driving. Now completely guilt-ridden and overly cautious, Greg's unable to enjoy Dharma's romantic advances. Meanwhile, Edward wants Larry to return the rundown desk chair of his that Kitty attempted to throw out. While at first annoyed by Larry's insistence that they play games for the ownership of the chair, Edward grows to enjoy Larry's company.

Writer: Jamie Gorenberg, Bill Prady, Don Foster
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Anne Elizabeth Ramsay (Nancy), Bob Morrisey (Dr. Coleman), Ben Livingston (Ted)

100. Without Reservations
Community Score7.8
Good
First aired: 10/16/2001 Production Code: 5ABD05
Greg doesn't put out a welcome mat when Dharma turns their place into a temporary bed-and-breakfast.

Writer: Del Shores, Jenna Bruce
Director: Jonathan Schmock
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci) , Anne Elizabeth Ramsay (Nancy), Jane Carr (Lorraine), Bernard Fox (Henry), Robin Strasser (Teensy Manhart), Michael Fairman (Porter), Lili Haydn (Violinist)

101. Try to Remember This Kind of September
Community Score8.2
Great
First aired: 10/23/2001 Production Code: 5ABD06
Dharma finds herself inadvertently trying to compete with a visiting childhood friend. Dharma and September grew up together in a commune, and September has remained loyal to her nonconformist ways, such as preparing a salad with greens that "were growing in the cracks in the sidewalk" and singing songs taught her by Nelson Mandela. Feeling guilty over how much her own life has changed, Dharma decides to get back to basics. First, she simplifies her wardrobe; then she wonders what else she and Greg can do without—like maybe electricity, or at least Greg's beloved television (just before the Superbowl). But what worries her most is a suspicion that September may have designs on Larry. And she's right—but they're not what she fears.

Writer: David Babcock, Maxine Lapiduss
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Juliette Lewis (September), Billy West (Radio/TV Announcer)

102. Used Karma
Community Score8.2
Great
First aired: 10/30/2001 Production Code: 5ABD07
When Greg starts to dress and act strangely after driving the used car Dharma recently bought, she worries he's been possessed by the spirit of the car's previous owner, a petty criminal and gambler who met an untimely death. Meanwhile, Edward has Larry set up a security camera at his house to help catch the kid who eggs his house every Halloween, but the "trick" is still on him.

Writer: David Babcock
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan), Don Cummings (Waiter) , Grady Hutt (Kyle), Camille Anderson (Pete's Girlfriend)

103. Home is Where the Art Is
Community Score8.1
Great
First aired: 11/13/2001 Production Code: 5ABD08
An old performance artist friend of Dharma's who convinces her to co-star with him in his latest work: To live "on display" in an art gallery 24 hours a day for a week. Needless to say, Greg's not thrilled with her decision, and father-in-law Larry's moving in with him doesn't help matters.

Writer: Sid Youngers, Ed Yeager
Director: Ted Lange
Guest star: Bodhi Elfman (Terry), Fred Stoller (Barry), Cathy Herd (Pamela)

104. Wish We Weren't Here
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 11/20/2001 Production Code: 5ABD09
Bad weather grounds Dharma and Greg's plans of flying to Indiana. As they are stuck, they have some interesting events.

Writer: Bill Prady, Jenna Bruce
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Pat Benatar (Herself), Neil Giraldo (Himself), Sarah Lancaster (Wendy), Jack Impellizzeri (Darryl), Tim Bagley (Nelson), Debra Christofferson (Marilyn), Octavia Spencer (Gloria), Stacey Travis (Lois), Billy West

105. Dream A Little Dream of Her
Community Score8.3
Great
First aired: 11/27/2001 Production Code: 5ABD10
Dharma tries to learn the identity of Greg's fantasy girl; Greg's truthfulness upsets things at his parents' place.

Writer: Del Shores, Susan Beavers
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia), Susan Chuang (Susan) , Erik Stabeanu (Stunt Waiter), Bobbie Phillips (Anna), Nadja Salerno-Sonnenberg (Herself)

106. A Fish Tale
Community Score8.8
Great
First aired: 12/4/2001 Production Code: 5ABD11
Animal-rights activist Abby bans Greg from the Finkelstein home when she learns he and Edward are going fishing.

Writer: Rachel Sweet, Jamie Greenberg
Director: Thomas Gibson
Guest star: Lillian Hurst (Celia) , William Marquez (Miguel)

107. Previously on "Dharma & Greg"
Community Score8.8
Great
First aired: 12/11/2001 Production Code: 5ABD12
Greg proposing to another woman? Dharma bringing another man home to meet the folks? This landmark flashback episode takes place six months prior to the series pilot and shows Dharma and Greg's lives before they met and married on their first date. Share in Kitty's chagrin as Greg breaks up with his debutante fiancée, and join Larry as he watches Dharma leave a great guy who "refuses to get a job."

Writer: David Babcock, Susan Beavers
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Michael Luckerman (Toad), Steve Hytner (William), Rosemary Alexander (Rosemary), Todd Stashwick (Gunther), Eliza Coyle (Barbara)

108. Protecting the Ego-System
Community Score8.4
Great
First aired: 1/8/2002 Production Code: 5ABD13
Kitty brings Dharma to the ground-breaking ceremony of her arch-nemesis Teensy Manhart's new outdoor amphitheater. But Dharma takes a flying leap into the path of the spade in protest when she realizes the theater's intended site is a precious wetland. Abby, Larry and Ed Begley, Jr., a well-known environmental activist, join in her protest.

Writer: Sid Youngers, Ed Yeager
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Robin Strasser (Teensy Manhart), Ed Begley Jr. (Himself)

109. Near-Death of a Salesman
Community Score8.8
Great
First aired: 3/5/2002 Production Code: 5ABD14
A heart attack scare during Larry's business pitch for his chili causes Edward to reminisce about a simpler time in his life, when he wasn't a high-pressured "captain of industry" merely acquiring and merging other companies. Trying to persuade him to adopt an easier life, Dharma is taken aback when Edward seizes command of a mall sports shoe outlet owned by his company and happily settles in as a crackerjack shoe salesman—until Kitty finds out. Meanwhile, picking up papers that need Edward's signature, Greg gets a taste of what life would be like as his father's business successor; and realizes (as Kitty angrily tells Dharma) that the real reason Edward hasn't retired is because he is waiting for Greg to take his place. Dharma sympathizes with Greg about abandoning the practice he has built up over the past year—but since this seems to consist of crabby Marlene mismanaging the office and Pete "teaching" three gorgeous young women a "course" in sexual harassment, perhaps the transition won't be so hard after all.

Writer: Don Foster, Susan Beavers
Director: Joel Murray
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene), Shirley Prestia (Janet) , Terry Rhoads (Howard), T.J. Thyne (Vaughn), Gwen McGee (Nurse), Thomas Crawford (Customer), Kevin Dunighan (Customer #2)

110. It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's ... My Wife
Community Score8.1
Great
First aired: 3/12/2002 Production Code: 5ABD15
Dharma is the inspiration for her nerdy neighbor/admirer's new comic book heroine, the Blonde Tornado, a sexy, crime-fighting superwoman. While Dharma enjoys her newfound stardom, Greg's life whirls out of control after a newspaper photo of a burglary hails her as a real life hero and him as her cowardly sidekick.

Writer: Susan Beavers, Jamie Gorenberg
Director: Robert Berlinger
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene), J.D. Walsh (Donald), Shirley Prestia (Janet) , Terry Rhoads (Howard), Daniel R. Escobar (Lorenzo), Toshi Toda (Mr. Verapong), Chris Durand (Man), Michael Beardsley (Toby the "Storm Chaser")

111. I Think, Therefore I Am in Trouble
Community Score8.7
Great
First aired: 3/19/2002 Production Code: 5ABD016
Supermodel Claudia Schiffer guest stars as Gretchen, a drop-dead gorgeous new lawyer in Greg's office about whom he's having sexual fantasies. Guilt-ridden over his inappropriate thoughts—especially since it's his "four-and-a-half-year anniversary" with Dharma—Greg tries desperately to get Gretchen off his mind, to no avail.

Writer: Maxine Lapiduss, Jamie Gorenberg
Director: Chuck Lorre
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci), Shirley Prestia (Janet) , Claudia Schiffer (Gretchen), Erick Avari (Lalit), Dennis Cockrum (Ty Cobb)

112. She's with the Band
Community Score7.6
Good
First aired: 3/26/2002 Production Code: 5ABD017
After suddenly joining a rock band that includes the rebellious teenage daughter of one of Greg's clients, Dharma invites the musicians to live with her and Greg.

Writer: Del Shores, Eddie Gorodetsky
Director: Jonathan Schmock
Guest star: Shirley Prestia (Janet) , Jenna Leigh Green (Kelly), Jodi Lyn O'Keefe (Simone), John Aylward (Kenneth), Kathleen Noone (Kathy), Todd Giebenhain (Jared)

113. Mission: Implausible
Community Score9.0
Superb
First aired: 4/2/2002 Production Code: 5ABD018
A visit from Rick, a younger alumnus from Greg's law school, launches an unsuspecting Greg into the middle of a crazy college game with very specific rules developed by "seriously drunk" undergraduates. Despite Greg's reluctance to engage in a college prank at this stage in his life, Dharma leaves him no choice when she rallies the gang to help him win back his championship title in a relatively amusing parody of Mission: Impossible.

Meanwhile, security guard Larry is disturbed when his supervisor Walter points out that he gets special treatment because his daughter is married to the boss's son. When Larry demands Edward rescind all special treatment, Walter obligingly fires Larry.

Writer: Sid Youngers, David Babcock
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci) , James Avery (Walter), Corbin Allred (Rick Sanderson), John Mendoza (Doorman), Jodi Lyn O'Keefe (Simone), Dick Clark (Himself)

114. This Diamond Ring
Community Score8.1
Great
First aired: 4/2/2002 Production Code: 5ABD019
When Dharma discovers that her drivers license has expired, Greg demands that she be a little more responsible—which is when Dharma discovers she has lost the priceless family heirloom diamond ring Kitty gave her. She discovers it on the roof, coated with tar; and when she takes it to a jeweler for cleaning, she learns it is, in fact, just a really good fake, leading to a confrontation with Kitty. Meanwhile, Pete turns to Dharma for help in getting Gretchen to go out with him. Her simple, sound advice works... Soon Gretchen is head-over-heels for Pete—and he can't stand it. Also, we see Marlene as a judgmental book clerk, and learn that Greg has finally fired her.

Writer: Bill Prady, Don Foster
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , Claudia Schiffer (Gretchen), Mary Gross (Mary), William Mesnik (Frank), Victor Raider-Wexler (Leo)

115. The Tooth Is Out There
Community Score7.9
Good
First aired: 4/9/2002 Production Code: 5ABD020
Dharma encourages Larry to ask his brother George for a loan to buy Larry's favorite conspiracy bookshop; when strange things start to go wrong, Dharma suspects that George is plotting to undermine Larry's success. Her efforts to uncover the plot mean she must undergo multiple dental procedures at George's office, but seem to be justified when the store mysteriously burns down just before the grand re-opening. Meanwhile, Kitty tries to revitalize her love life by making Edward jealous—claiming that her car attendant keeps leaving red roses on the seat for her.

Writer: Don Foster, Eddie Gorodetsky
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Mitch Pileggi (Himself), George Wyner (Herb), William Sanderson (Mike), Danny Mora (Manuel), Jim Meskimen (Fire Inspector)

116. The Parent Trap
Community Score8.3
Great
First aired: 4/16/2002 Production Code: 5ABD021
While Kitty prepares to renew her marriage vows, Dharma entertains Marlene's parents.

Writer: Susan Beavers, Del Shores
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , Florence Stanley (Rose Hoffman), Victor Raider-Wexler (Marty Hoffman)

117. Tuesday's Child
Community Score9.0
Superb 1
review
First aired: 4/23/2002 Production Code: 5ABD022
A little girl forms an attachment to Dharma and Greg; Kitty is ordered to perform community service.

Writer: David Babcock, Sid Youngers, Jenna Bruce
Director: Joel Murray
Guest star: Susan Chuang (Susan), Helen Greenberg (Marci) , Julie Tofukuji, Rosalind Chao (Patricia), Billy Mayo (Policeman), Marcy Goldman (Caroline)

118. The Mamas and the Papas (1)
Community Score8.6
Great 2
reviews
First aired: 4/30/2002 Production Code: 5ABD023
In the first part of this special one-hour season and series finale, Dharma and Greg find themselves once again trying to make peace between their polar opposite parents when an argument breaks out over whether the couple will vacation with the Finkelstein’s or the Montgomery’s. Dharma tries to appease both sides by arranging for everyone to spend the weekend at the Montgomery’s mountain chalet, but when the usual bickering and insults kick into high gear, it finally sends Dharma and Greg over the edge. Meanwhile, back at the office, Pete is left in charge of a routine SEC inspection, but when the agent turns out to be beautiful and female, he invents wild stories about inside trading... oh, just fast forward.

Writer: Maxine Lapiduss, Ed Yeager
Director: Asaad Kelada
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene), Shirley Prestia (Janet) , Anne-Marie Johnson (Laura), Daphnée Duplaix Samuel (Laura), Christopher Michael (Man #1), Tony Ervolina (Man #2)

119. The Mamas and the Papas (2)
Community Score8.6
Great 1
review
First aired: 4/30/2002 Production Code: 5ABD024
Dharma & Greg get stuck in a snowstorm after leaving the chalet and begin to wonder how their diverse upbringings will affect them as parents.

Writer: Don Foster, Del Shores
Director: J.D. Lobue
Guest star: Yeardley Smith (Marlene) , Daphnée Duplaix Samuel (Laura), Christopher Michael (Man #1), Tony Ervolina (Man #2)

----------------

END

dharma greg background

Golden Globe nominee Jenna Elfman ("ed TV") and Thomas Gibson (Stanley Kubrick's "Eyes Wide Shut") star in the romantic half-hour comedy, "Dharma & Greg." The series celebrates the power of true love to overcome the obstacles in a marriage of opposites. Despite the challenges of a marriage that began on their first date, Dharma and Greg remain truly in love.

Elfman is Dharma Finkelstein, a free-spirited San Francisco yoga instructor/dog trainer. Raised by bohemian parents, Dharma approaches everything with unbridled passion, honesty and openness. Since childhood, Dharma was taught to shun convention, trust her wildest instincts and truly find the joy in each day of her life.

Gibson is Greg Montgomery, an conventional, but surprisingly open-minded, Harvard-educated U.S. Attorney, who still finds Dharma's energy absolutely irresistible. By following Dharma's advice to listen to his heart over his head, Greg found the love of his life and entered a world he never imagined.

Love at first sight is a concept Dharma takes very seriously, and when she first lays eyes on Greg Montgomery, a Harvard-educated U.S. Attorney, she's sure he's the one. Despite the fact they come from completely different worlds, the feeling is mutual. Greg finds Dharma's energy irresistible and before their first date is over -- the two are married.

Dharma's counter-culture parents, Abby (Mimi Kennedy) and Larry (Alan Rachins), struggle to keep their daughter from being swallowed into the "dark side," as they see Greg's country-club family. At the same time, Greg's uptight, blue-blood parents, Kitty (Susan Sullivan) and Edward (Mitchell Ryan), encourage the young couple toward a more "normal" way of life or, failing that, try to keep their daughter-in-law from dancing naked on the roof.

And so continues the celebration and challenge of the lives and marriage of Dharma and Greg, two romance-fated opposites completely committed to each other despite the insanity of their respective dysfunctional families and craziness of the world around them.

"Dharma & Greg" also stars Joel Murray as Pete and Shae D'Lyn as Jane. Executive produced by Chuck Lorre, Dottie Dartland, Brian Medavoy and Erwin More, the series was created by Chuck Lorre and Dottie Dartland. Bill Prady and Regina Stewart serve as co-executive producers and Randy Cordray serves as producer. Filmed in Los Angeles in front of an audience, "Dharma & Greg" is a Chuck Lorre Production and a 4 to 6 Foot Production in association with 20th Century Fox Television.

dharma greg 1-3 transcript

"Shower the People You Love With Love" Original Airdate: 10/8/97

DHARMA: Shh! Shh! My parents don't know you're with me in my tent in the backyard. We have to be very, very quiet.

GREG: Wait, I thought this was an army tent.

DHARMA: Oh, right. I forgot.

DHARMA: Sergeant Greg, I know our love is wrong...but I can't help myself. Kiss me. On the double.

GREG: Where exactly would that be, Captain?



DHARMA: Aah! Aah!

[Knock on door]

DHARMA: I'll get it, I'll get it!

GREG: Dharma!

DHARMA: Aah! Aah! Superman! Ahh!

BRIAN: Hey.

DHARMA: Hi.

BRIAN: Am I...Early?

DHARMA: For what?

BRIAN: Um, we had a date.

DHARMA: Oh! Right! I forgot to call you.

BRIAN: Uh-huh.

DHARMA: I got married.

BRIAN: M-m-married?

DHARMA: That's my husband Greg.



GREG: Hi.

BRIAN: Don't get up.

GREG: Wasn't planning on it.

BRIAN: Uh, I'm sorry, man, I, uh, I wouldn't have asked her out if I knew she was engaged.

DHARMA: Oh, no, we weren't engaged. I just met Greg-- what was it, honey, last Friday?

GREG: Yeah, last Friday.

BRIAN: I met you Thursday.

GREG: You snooze, you lose.

OPENING CREDITS AND THEME

DHARMA: Are you sure? "Dog eat dog world"?

GREG: Absolutely. That's the expression.

DHARMA: Come on. It's not...a "doggie dog world"?

GREG: No, it's not.

DHARMA: Ready?

GREG: Clear.

DHARMA: I mean, it doesn't make any sense to me. Have you ever even seen a dog eat another dog?



GREG: Ready?

DHARMA: Clear.

GREG: No, but it's still a dog eat dog world. It means the world's a tough place, it's every man for himself, it's kill or be killed.

DHARMA: What do killer bees have to do with it?

GREG: Aah!

DHARMA: Aah! Oh!

DHARMA: Mmm...Ready?

GREG: Dharma, this isn't going to work.

DHARMA: Sure it is, you'll toughen up.

GREG: No, I mean the whole bath thing.



GREG: I need a shower so I can stand up and wash myself in the right order.

DHARMA: You have an order for washing your body?

GREG: Yeah. I mean it's basically top to bottom, and then you double back for the-- it's not important.

DHARMA: Ah, that's the same order you use for everything, isn't it?

JANE: Hey, Dharma.

DHARMA: Hey, Jane.

GREG: Uh, Jane?

JANE: Oh, sorry. Hi, Greg. I thought it over.



JANE: I decided I'll be your maid of honor.

DHARMA: Rock 'n roll. Right!

GREG: Hello!

JANE: I said hello. So, what do I gotta do?

DHARMA: You gotta wear a really heinous dress.

JANE: Cool. I've got a butt-ugly green one.

DHARMA: Too late, Greg's mom already got you a butt-ugly purple one.

GREG: All right, that's it. I give up. Everybody gets to see Greg naked!



JANE: I've gotta warn you, I grew up around horses.

DHARMA: I think he wants us to leave.

JANE: But he said everybody--

DHARMA: I know, but he also says "dog eat dog world".

JANE: Dog eat dog?

DHARMA: No, it's doggie dog.

DHARMA: Hey, what are you doing today?

JANE: Gonna hang out at fisherman's wharf, give tourists bad directions. Why?

DHARMA: Well, Greg's playing golf with his dad and my dad.

JANE: That sounds like a bad idea.



DHARMA: I know. But, I want to surprise him and put in a shower while he's gone. You want to help?

JANE: I don't know.

DHARMA: It means a trip to the hardware store.

JANE: Well...

DHARMA: We can use our phony English accents.

JANE: London or Liverpool?

DHARMA: I say, guv'nor, 'ave you any 'ammers or brass 'inges? It's for me 'ouse.

JANE: [Cockney accent] alrighty, then. But this time, I'm the 'umpback, and I'm...



JANE: [Yelling] 'ard of 'earing!

DHARMA: [Cockney accent] what?

JANE: I said, I'm 'ard of 'earing!

DHARMA: 'Ello, 'usband!

GREG: Hello, deaf cockney hunchbacks.



EDWARD: I can't believe I let you talk me into this.

GREG: Dad, he's my father-in-law. We've got this big wedding reception coming up. We're all going to have to learn to be civil to each other.



EDWARD: Of course I'll be civil to the man. Old hippie buffoon.

GREG: Ok, great. Now, when he gets here, think "old hippie buffoon," but say "Larry."

PETE: Hey, Greg.

GREG: Hey, Pete.

PETE: Hey, Mr. M. So I hear we're playing with Jerry Garcia today, huh?

EDWARD: Who's Jerry Garcia?

PETE: Oh, this is going to be fun.

GREG: Pete, you're going to have to help me with these guys.



PETE: If you recall, I tried to help you. I said, "do not do this."

LARRY: Man, this is a truly righteous country club you got here.

EDWARD: Thank you...Larry.

LARRY: Of course, if you Republicans have your way on immigration, you'll be parking your own cars.

GREG: Mr. Finkelstein, I'd like you to meet my friend from work--Pete.

LARRY: Another lawyer. Better put my wallet in my front pocket.



EDWARD: That's very amusing... Larry.

GREG: I wonder if I have time to take a shower before we tee off?

EDWARD: No, no, no, you do not have time to take a shower. Why didn't you do it at home?

GREG: Dharma's place doesn't have a shower. I had to take a bath.

LARRY: What's wrong with a bath?

EDWARD: Well, for one thing, he can't wash himself in the proper order.

LARRY: Gee, I always preferred a bath. It's very soothing.



LARRY: A little sea salt, some oil...

EDWARD: Add a carrot and a chicken neck, and you've got soup...Larry.

PETE: It's going well. They're exchanging recipes.

EDWARD: Son, why don't you and Dharma get an apartment with a shower?

GREG: I can't ask Dharma to move. She loves the place. She practically built it herself.

EDWARD: Yeah, you're right. You don't want to get in any big emotional discussions.



EDWARD: Why don't you just make up some, I don't know, medical reason you won't live there.

LARRY: You want him to lie to my daughter?

EDWARD: It's not a lie if it's for the greater good.

LARRY: Oh, where have we heard that before?

EDWARD: What are you talking about?

LARRY: A little place called Vietnam, my friend.

PETE: Hey, who would have seen that coming, huh?

EDWARD: What do you know about Vietnam?



EDWARD: You weren't even there.

LARRY: I know it wasn't about communism. It was about Mr. Corporate America finding a place to sell their sody-pop and tobacky!

PETE: And next, we put clubs in their hands.

GREG: Thanks...Pete.



DHARMA: All right, boys... Mommy's going to the hardware store. So, remember the rules. Play nice with each other.

Stinky, don't open the door for anyone, and Nunzio, stay out of the liquor cabinet.



DHARMA: You remember what happened last time.

[Telephone rings]

DHARMA: Ugh! Hello?

KITTY: Dharma, dear, it's Kitty Montgomery, Gregory's mother.

DHARMA: It's Kitty Montgomery, Gregory's mother.

JANE: Oh, that Kitty Montgomery.

KITTY: Dharma, for some reason the dressmaker insists she needs to see the wedding gown on you. Could you be a dove and hop by?

DHARMA: You know what? I'd love to, but my maid of honor and I are just out the door trying to get stuff for our shower.



KITTY: You're having a shower?

DHARMA: Yeah!

KITTY: When?

DHARMA: Well, we're hoping today.

KITTY: Today? Well, you just can't do it like that. I mean, how are people supposed to know about it?

DHARMA: I just figured they'd open the door, and bam! There it would be.

[Kitty Sighs]

KITTY: Oh, you...unusual girl. Is your mother going to help you?



DHARMA: Yeah, she read up on it in one of those Time-Life books.

KITTY: Oh, my god. Well, I--I'll be over right after lunch, and I'll show you what to do.

DHARMA: Great! Thanks so much. We'll see you then. Bye.

JANE: [Cockney accent] Kitty-Montgomery-Gregory's-mother is coming over?

DHARMA: Yeah, she's going to help us with the shower.

JANE: Why?

DHARMA: I don't know. She's probably one of those rich ladies who's into plumbing.



JANE: What?

DHARMA: [Yelling] I said, she's probably one of those rich ladies who's into plumbing!

JANE: Oh!



EDWARD: They started it by attacking a peaceful vessel in the Gulf of Tokin.

LARRY: Oh, please. The Gulf of Tokin incident was invented to win over Congress.

EDWARD: We were responding to attacks on our servicemen.

GREG: Pete, I'm, uh, thinking of killing myself with a golf club. Any suggestions?



PETE: Your first instinct would be to go with a 3 wood, maybe even a driver, but that might bounce right off the skull.

GREG: Really?

PETE: Yeah. Instead, consider a short iron, maybe a pitching wedge. That will split the skull, lodge right in the brain.

GREG: A wedge it is.

LARRY: I'll have you know, I was in Canada--



EDWARD: You were in Canada because you didn't have guts enough to put on a uniform and fight.

LARRY: Are you calling me a coward?

EDWARD: I'm just saying that all of your pacifism is just a bunch of hokum.

LARRY: How can you call me a coward when you don't even have the courage to just come out and call me a coward?

GREG: Ok, everyone's a coward.



GREG: Let's go find our balls.



DHARMA: Yeah!

JANE: It's out of the box!Whoo! Girls rule!

ABBY: Yay!

KITTY: All right, I brought invitation samples from my printer--please, pick something simple. My caterer has prepared a choice of

hors d'oeuvres, and, needless to say, the right hors d'oeuvres make the bridal shower. Oh, my god.



KITTY: It's a shower shower!

DHARMA: Ain't she a peach! Whooo! Aaah!



LARRY: All I'm saying is, if the cause had been just, I could have gone into Vietnam and done exactly what you did.

EDWARD: Are you saying you could have been a Green Beret?

LARRY: Absolutely!

GREG: That's it! I've been listening to this long enough. I cannot believe that my father and my father-in-law don't have the decency to

at least pretend to get along for one lousy afternoon.



EDWARD: You couldn't be a Green Beret at a Halloween party.

GREG: Come on, Pete.

PETE: Aren't you even going to hit? Ooh, you got all of that one.

GREG: Get in the cart.

EDWARD: All right, you're in the Mekong Delta, V.C. Everywhere. Your only chance of survival is diving into a rice paddy and holding

your breath for 4 minutes.



LARRY: 4 Minutes?

[Takes several deep breaths]

LARRY: Piece of cake.



DHARMA: Aw, don't worry, Kitty. A lot of words have 2 meanings. Like if we had said, "Kitty, get over here--and fast."

Do we mean, "and hurry," or do we mean, "Kitty, get over here and don't eat for a long time"?



ABBY: And I love these little cucumber sandwiches.

JANE: Really? I vote for the cheese things.

KITTY: There is no vote because there is no shower!

ABBY: Um, Kitty, would you like maybe something to drink, or--I just juiced some cabbage.

KITTY: No, thank you. Actually, I, uh, I have to go. I have, uh...to go.



KITTY: Dharma, I'm sure I'm going to regret asking this, but why are you installing a shower?

DHARMA: Don't got one.

ABBY: Yeah, but she does have the bathtub from our old place in Half Moon Bay. I gave birth to her in that tub.

KITTY: And that's where Gregory bathes?

JANE: Yup. Seen it with my own eyes.

KITTY: Why do you people live like this?

DHARMA: 'Cause you can't camp on the beach anymore. Besides, Kitty, I love it here.



DHARMA: I mean, I did all of this work myself. Did you know this used to be a battery factory?

KITTY: Aha! And to your credit, you've nearly disguised that fact.

DHARMA: Thanks. I just wish once I get this shower installed, that Greg'll feel more at home.

KITTY: So you're doing this for Gregory?

DHARMA: Yeah. I want him to feel totally comfortable.

KITTY: Dharma, if you will indulge me in a brief outing,



KITTY: I believe I can show you how to make Gregory comfortable.

DHARMA: Anybody in for an outing?

ABBY: Sure.

JANE: Oh, man, don't eat the beige ones!



LARRY: Eh! Yah!

EDWARD: What the hell did you do that for?

LARRY: No reason. It's called psychological warfare, my friend. And now, this soldier is in your head. I own you.



EDWARD: You're out of your mind!

LARRY: Maybe. Maybe not. Spooky, huh?

EDWARD: That's not soldiering. We're talking about actual combat. I'm talking about creeping up on the enemy and taking him out.

LARRY: Ok. You see that foursome over there?

EDWARD: Yeah.

LARRY: You see the fat guy with the bad rug?

EDWARD: Oh, it's Dick Lawrence. He's a cardiologist.



EDWARD: Hey, Dick!

LARRY: Right now, he's "charlie." And that beaver pelt on his head is going home in a bag.

EDWARD: No, you lunatic! He's on the membership committee!

LARRY: What's the matter? Afraid I'm going to beat you at your own game?

EDWARD: My game does not include attacking a man who may be blowing up balloons in my heart one day!



LARRY: And that kind of namby-pamby attitude is exactly why you guys lost over there.

EDWARD: All right, that's it. We'll settle this thing once and for all. Get in the cart, Ms. Fonda.



DHARMA: Oh, I don't know, Kitty, do you really see me living in a ritzy-titzy place like this?



KITTY: No... But let's use our imagination. You come home from work, you're exhausted, you're in dire need of pampering,

and you open your door to...this.

DHARMA: Wowwww....Is what you would say if you liked this kind of thing.

ABBY: Well, I mean, you're right, Dharma, this isn't you.

DHARMA: No.



KITTY: However, the jacuzzi tub beckons.

JANE: [Cockney accent] Jacuzzi?! Just the thing to soothe me tired hump.

KITTY: Or if the jacuzzi is occupied, then you can step into your fully appointed gourmet kitchen, whisk open your ridiculously large sub-zero refrigerator, remove a perfectly chilled bottle of vintage...

DHARMA: Papaya juice?



KITTY: All right.

ABBY: Well, there are some lovely things here, certainly, but, gosh, Dharma, don't you think it's a little cold?

KITTY: No, no, no, no, no, she will not be cold, not when she is nestled in front of her Italian marble fireplace, sipping...Cocoa

and gazing at...the harvest moon.

DHARMA: Ah ha ha! Skylight!

ABBY: You know, Dharma, living this far above Mother Earth can permanently misalign your chakras.



DHARMA: That's true. When your chakras are messed up, your chi just goes "whaa!"

KITTY: Well, I certainly can't argue with that. But there are certain advantages to this elevation.

DHARMA: Dharma home.



GREG: Man, I miss having a shower.

PETE: Hey, sorry for peeking in on you. I got a little worried after you were in there for half an hour.



GREG: Ah, that's all right.

PETE: You got a nice ass.

GREG: Thanks for noticing.

PETE: Here's a wacky idea: Why don't we stop by a hardware store on our way home, pick up a shower and install it in your apartment?

GREG: You know how to do that?

PETE: I worked my way through law school as a plumber's assistant. That's why I know a lot about plumbing and very little about law.

GREG: You know, you could have mentioned this earlier.

PETE: Sue me.



PETE: You'd probably win. So, shall we just go or should we wait around for Samson and Delirious?

GREG: Let's just go. They're two middle-aged men. What's the worst thing they could be doing?

[Edward and Larry are in a plane about to skydive]

EDWARD: Want to back out?

LARRY: You think I'm scared? Hell, you're talking to a man who watched "Fantasia" 3 Times without a buddy.

EDWARD: What?

LARRY: You're not the only one who has flashbacks, pal.



PETE: Ok. Bring it in. Tilt it down. Oh, we got stairs, we got stairs.



PETE: Careful on the step.

GREG: All right.

PETE: All right. Put it down. Plant it.

GREG: What is that?

PETE: Well, I can't be certain, but, uh...it's either a shower or a writ of habeas corpus.



DHARMA: Aah! I can't believe I'm gonna l-l-live here! Uhh! Aah! I have to get so much more stuff to fill this place up!

KITTY: Oh, and that, my dear child,



KITTY: Is why god created shopping.

DHARMA: Ja!

KITTY: N'est-ce pas?

JANE: Whoo hoo! Riding the jet stream!

KITTY: Excuse me. I'm going to get your friend out of the jacuzzi while it still respects her.

DHARMA: This place is huge! Hi!

ABBY: Hi.

DHARMA: Oh, upset.

ABBY: No, Dharma. I just want to make sure you're not falling under the influence of someone who-- how do I put this non-judgmentally...



ABBY: May be evil.

DHARMA: You know what, Abby...I'm not doing this because of Kitty. I really, really, really want to live here. And I know Greg would.

ABBY: Oh...Ok, ok. Then I hope that you're both very happy here.

DHARMA: Thank you! Hey, you know what?

ABBY: What?

DHARMA: Come here. You can help me decorate.

ABBY: Well, I suppose some tapestries would warm the place up.



DHARMA: Definitely.

ABBY: And every place that she tells you to put an ottoman, put a beanbag chair.

DHARMA: You got it. Hey, do you think I can barbecue in that?



PILOT: Guys, I got about 2 minutes of fuel left. If you're going to jump, it's now or never!

LARRY: You know, even if we both jump...What's it really going to prove?

EDWARD: Excellent point. Why don't we go back to the clubhouse and see who can drink more?



LARRY: You're on. But I got to warn you, I had my blood replaced in '74, and I'm not afraid to do it again.



DHARMA: Greg!

GREG: In here!

DHARMA: I have killer news! I saw the most ama--

GREG: I know. Can you believe we had exactly the same idea?

DHARMA: Huh?

GREG: Huh?

GREG: I did the, uh, caulking and the knobs and ran the pipes-- well, Pete helped a little.



DHARMA: Wow! That must have been a lot of work.

GREG: No, it was great! Now I understand why you love this place so much. I mean, I've always lived in those sterile, modern apartments,

where everything's just there and perfect.

DHARMA: Ugh! Yeah. Those perfect places.

GREG: But this place, you have to get in there and put your sweat and your blood in it--

DHARMA: Did you cut yourself?

GREG: Yes! Several times!



GREG: But it's ok, because I live in a place where I walk up steps you built, and you shower in a shower I built--

Oh, by the way, hot means cold and cold means hot. Anyway, Dharma, thank you. Thank you for sharing this with me.

This is the first place I've ever lived that feels like home.

DHARMA: I love it when you just come out and say all that gooby stuff.

GREG: So, what's your good news?



DHARMA: Um, a guy at Al's hardware thought Jane and I were really English.

GREG: That is good news.

DHARMA: [Cockney accent] "hey, 'usband, "What say we go down to the hardware store and get us a Jacuzzi?"

GREG: 'Appy to.